No reason but feeling very low,moody and angry..I feel lost. I don’t feeling like doing any work and kitchen is a crazy mess.Had a full ice cream for lunch and ordered pizza and finished a medium six cheese Wisconsin Pizza thick crust all by myself. Didn’t sleep properly for the past two days and that is also crazy irritating. I recently stopped talking to my relative who lives nearby and I have been angry with her for many reasons, Hate doing fake talk with other relatives and in-laws and just stopped talking and it’s been Few days. My kid wanted to play with me and I am Seriously bored and wanted to watch a movie.I didn’t want to play with her and gave her iPad to Watch so that she leaves me alone for a while.I am feeling like the worst mother.. this quarantine time is Supposed to be a time spent well with family and am Feeling terrible. I am a homemaker and mostly Am home but why do I feel like a house arrest now? I miss my mom and suddenly keep thinking about my dead dad. I miss fun and laughters. I am 40 years now and yes I have had lot of entertainment and vacations over the years but did I do something useful? my kid is looking shabby with uncombed hair,home is a mess and am looking terrible myself.. I want to put my daughter is bharatnatyam since I dance myself but hubby wants something else and he feels if classical dance is discontinued after few years it becomes of no use and I should put my daughter in something which she likes and enjoys and not force. my relatives keep telling me that am Being stupid and not putting kiddo in classical Dance when I have learnt so much.feels so guilty. I have never given birthday parties as such to my daughter.. I hate a cousin who is all the time judgemental of what I do for my child.She has a daughter same age as mine and always comparing from Height,weight and other things.I want to cut off but my daughter plays with hers and we have no other family and I have to tolerate. My kid used to speak in tamil and I speak at home with her but even after telling zillion times my hubby speaks in English to her and she forgot her tamil now!!!! She understands everything I speak but she doesn’t talk.The judgmental relative always keeps saying “my daughter is able to speak but why isn’t your daughter speaking”...argh!! so many random Thoughts today... Eating more junk and it doesn’t feel good at all. Funny thing is I seriously started looking for a job and updated few courses but thanks to Coronavirus..with so much unemployment around..who will hire a 40 year old who didn’t work for 8 long years?? The moms around me are superstars.My neighbor is a working woman,who does so much for the community and her home even if u drop in 5 minute notice looks spotless..it is so tough not to compare but I feel useless and wasted. Another 10 years..I will be 50!! I want to be and do something useful.. Saw some pics in fb if women who are Working,successful,so many friends,with big smiles and lovely dresses..feel like I have wasted my life. Random thoughts.. Today is such a downer..