1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

feel very left out ...husband spends no time with me...

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by kenny, Sep 7, 2013.

  1. kenny

    kenny Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    247
    Likes Received:
    12
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi guys i am a very old member in this forum...i am writing after a very long time...i am blessed with a baby by God's grace who is 8.5 months now.
    Things had changed for the better but after my baby i am facing lotza problems...
    As iv written earlier my husband is a momma's boy and my mil is an extremely clingy lady who has never given any space in our relationship.She is highly insecure.But the worst part is that initially it was more from my mil's end but now i see that my husb is obesssed with her ...She cant do anything without her or asking her...and she has full control on him...if she says sun will rise from the west ...he will also say the same...I dont know how she has changed him completely after my baby is born....before that ,even during my pregnancy husb had come very close to me...i could share out anything with him...he used to take me out alone lotza times also and spend quality time with me...but now it is all reversed...Initialy as u know when the baby is extremely small we have to be him all the time...and ofcourse alll the time goes in feeding the baby and that too alone......there are so many sleepless nights with the baby ...so i was always with the baby at night and get up late.. ....so that time,i mornings and at night when husb used to come home, my mil used to brain wash him completely and used to be with him till he was practically so tired when he entered the room that he used to go to sleep...and that is still continuing...he leaves the room early morning and goes to her and comes to the room when he has to sleep..
    i feel very left out...i have had so many fights with him about this but he never realizes it...we never go out as a couple ...its only a family outing...with mil,me and him n ofcourse the baby...inspite of me telling him again and again that i wana go out with him alone...he doesnt bother and cares a damn...i dont know whats gone wrong with him....earlier he had become much better past 2-3 years(ofocurse in the inital years of mariage he was the same)but he had improved over time...now he has gone back to initial state and doesnt wana change at all...
    i feel very depressed and left out....dont get any alone time with him....this time i asked him directly that dont u ever feel that u should spend some time alone with me...then he answered NO.
    I was shattered....i feel very low ...i dont get any time to go out with friends since i have to take care of my baby.....and u all must be knowing rasing a child is so exhausing...husband is not supportive.....though he is good to the baby and loves him a lot but all baby work has to be done by me...
    what should i do...i dont blame the mil but it is my husb who is the culprit here...plz guide friends...
     
    Loading...

  2. Sonia16

    Sonia16 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    43
    Likes Received:
    13
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Im sorry to hear this. Is it possible that u entertain urself at home watching movies , listening music , serials etc... im not sure
    Why ur hubby not talking u out...very selfish for him
     
  3. ars

    ars Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,599
    Likes Received:
    750
    Trophy Points:
    208
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Kenny,
    Welcome back. I remember you form your previous posts.
    You were working like having your own business right. Are you still working or home 24/7 with baby and mil?
    Anyway why are you begging your h to spend time with you.
    Baby is 8 months old so the kid cannot be confined to the room. Usually at that age everyone at home will be revolving around the baby as baby is so cute and charming at that age.
    What does your h and mil do to spend time with baby.
    You should start thinking of yourself first and make time to go the parlor or visit friend leaving the baby with mil and h. Find any play groups or nursery near your house so you can take the baby to play.
    Read the parenting section here you will get more useful tips from new moms.
    For now ignore h and enjoy the time with baby. When he see you enjoying he will join the party.
     
  4. Mahajanpragati

    Mahajanpragati Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,037
    Likes Received:
    1,333
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    my guess is that he feels neglected since the baby was born & its time you showed love for him in small gestures.......
    call hubby when he in office & tell him you missed him.....don't talk about baby,MIL or complain just general ......sms him,send him e cards & email forwards.....try to spend time with him when baby is sleeping .
    prepare his favourite food & pamper his ego.............man are like small kids & needs pampering a lot.show your love by unexpected kisses,hugs or holding hands........just sit near him & say you love to be near him......
     
    2 people like this.
  5. kenny

    kenny Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    247
    Likes Received:
    12
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi ladies...thank u for ur response....
    @sonia-u cant njoy urself on ur own with a small baby...since he /she takes all ur time...i cant even find time to watch tv now...and ofcourse u need someone to spend time with...
    @ars-thank u for remembering me:)u always reply to my posts and appreciate u for that...well yaa i have my own business ,i did take a break for 3 montsh but after that started work but only comes once in the evening from 5.30 to 9pm.Rest of the day i am with the baby...i chose that myself since i wanted to give this time to my baby...
    well...even i feel like going out with my friends,but all ov them are married and they have their own families....so hardly any one with free over the weekend...and since it is my own consultancy so obviously i get only my clients so cant hang around with them..they are not my colleagues...
    Its not that we are sitting at home all the weekends...we go out every weekend but i mentioned that i feel like going with hubby but mil always joins us for every dinner or outing...we dont go anywhere without her...
    Well!Yesterday hubby initiated that we go out ...and we did....but he had to drop a few things to someone's place and thought we can go out after that...we went but half of the time we were on the roads and baby was v cranky yesterday...so practically i couldnt njoy with him ytday...and on top of that MIL has made such a swollen face since that time,that the dear son didnt take her along...she is not speaking to me at all,not even to the baby,she didnt even lift him up,even once entire day today ,only when i came in evening i gave the baby to her,before that she didnt even play once with her...
    I understand her well...she is one controlling lady...and she controls my husband very well...he is like harishchandra to her....he cant hide anything from her...and she misuses it....on top of that she will make him feel guilty if he doesnt take her with us....(p.s-we went together after almost 3 months alone)still she has that sick face....i dont understand this sick nature she has ...how selfish and mean...she has lived her life completely but doesnt want that we would also njoy....now how to sort this out....she behaves in such a way that husband feels that he has done such a big mistake by not taking her along...and he is extra sweet to her after that...will just plead her after that...she would keep talking to the son but be v rude to me...well....i dont care a damn as far as my husb is goood to me....but u can understand that it all affects our relationship...basically she doesnt like if he ever spends on me or takes me out somewhere alone...she has to be the number one woman in his life and she ensures that...she is bloody 65 year old but still she dresses up like a 20 year old and uses all kinds of creams and cosmetics and wears dresses which girls wear...though she is a widow..i sometimes feel she should have got married again,it would have been v good for all of us...wish it could happen...or else she shouldnt have married off her son...huh!!
    now what can i do in such a scenario..
     
  6. sweetypi

    sweetypi Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    731
    Likes Received:
    1,017
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    So your widowed MIL should now dress according to your sensibilities ? Plus sit alone at home without expecting to be included in the family ? :coffee
     
  7. kenny

    kenny Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    247
    Likes Received:
    12
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Sweetypi-ur doing selective reading here...U r only reading the part which u want to read.I know she has the right to wear what she wants but modernism doesnt mean wearing modern clothes but being modern in ur thinking....
    when it comes to my family,if they visit she illtreats them...and creates there stay very difficult,regarding giving space to son and dil she will never give....she wants full control of her son....just bang in without knocking the door if we are inside...is this good on her part.......thats y i feel sick of her...
    if u had such a clingy authoritative MIL then u would have come to know...who wants the son to be her puppet always...its only the person who is the sufferer knows what he/she goes through...
    And a person will not curse the other person just for the heck of it...but will do it out of frustration....do u take ur mil along with u all the time...for ur kind information she goes with us to the nearest grocery store even...and will not leave her son alone...do u think i can cut her out....giving spae in every relatioship is important ,that doesnt mean that i dont want to include her in family outings...huh!!:bonk
     
  8. bhuvnidhi

    bhuvnidhi IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    3,273
    Likes Received:
    1,905
    Trophy Points:
    308
    Gender:
    Female
    Include your hubby in parenting.Tell things in a casual way like " huh ..look at the kid..he smiles exactly like you" or " he likes his father so much" and when relatives or friends come praise your hubby's parenting skills and tell how much your son likes him.Or if you have better idea , incorporate that.Basically your hubby should be involved and feel his responsibility in parenting.

    Do not pester your hubby on spending time alone.Some guys do it the opposite when you pester more.And there are certain things which you cannot achieve by force.When you spend time with your baby , make it a family time.Regarding going out alone, you cannot do it unless your hubby does something about it.
     
  9. sweetypi

    sweetypi Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    731
    Likes Received:
    1,017
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    Since u asked, my MIL does accompany us everywhere ...:bonk she loves her only son and I respect that. So far we do not have major issues, touchwood .. And though she is old-fashioned, she loves cosmetics and accessories too, and guess what, DH and I enjoy indulging her, without judging whether using modern accessories really makes her modern in other ways !
    I did not read your post selectively, I only highlighted what I found distasteful and mean ...Until then I was sympathetic ... I am pretty sure that being 'bloody' 65 yrs old, she senses your attitude towards her, and tries to cling to her son all the more !
     
  10. kenny

    kenny Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    247
    Likes Received:
    12
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Female
    @indian guy-im already working and have a consultancy business of my own and am independent financially...before the baby i used to work full time,now i work part time...i try to keep myself busy and yaa now i have started to stop expecting from him at all...will live life on my own...
     

Share This Page