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feel insecure about confrontation at work

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by jaagrutik, Apr 7, 2010.

  1. jaagrutik

    jaagrutik New IL'ite

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    hey guys ive been married for a few months now and really happy. i'm finding it abit hard with the cross over of work and home. my boss is my husband viysa versa:coffee. didnt really impact me until now but now i'm really getting taken down by it slowly. I respect my dh alot, i guess i have a very traditional way of thinking even though i originate from uk. living in india has added to it as well. Before i could express my feelings openly at work (before we got married)ie work related topics i could have my own opinitions and feel free about expressing them to him but now i feel consious about what i'm saying. maybe im scared of crossing my limits as such/work can result into tense conversations and arguments but im scared of expressing myself now as i dont want it to impact our personal life.

    i know i need to talk to him about this but i know what he will say..that im being too worried and he will just reasure me that anything at work will never offend him or impact our personal relationship but im not to sure..
    pls guys tell me what you think...jaagruti
     
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  2. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    Relax and trust his words. :thumbsup
    May be Neena35 who started a thread http://www.indusladies.com/forums/me-and-my-spouse/90366-please-advise-me-how-set.html will pitch in some tips on how she manages herself.. her husband is her boss just like in your case.

    For some reason my DH was never ok to have me even in the same company let alone same team!:bonk So I don't have anything else significant to say here, dear. But trust him. Take it easy.. Hope you get some good tips from other ladies.

    Edit:
    Just noticed that you are hardly 2 months into your marriage.. chill out.. enjoy your time.
     
    Last edited: Apr 7, 2010
  3. lotusgirl

    lotusgirl Senior IL'ite

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    My thought would be that its just not healthy for the relationships (professional & personal) for spouses to work in the same team especially in reporting positions. You do say that you feel restricted.. Even if your DH says its ok, you both are individuals and have your own way of doing things. There might be situations taht you both might not be on the same page at work & def it will affect other relationship.. Also what about any tiff in your regular married life reflecting at work??
    Do check for other open positions at your company either for you or your DH.
     
  4. jaagrutik

    jaagrutik New IL'ite

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    actually problems at home are never an issue. After getting married we talked about it in detail. we said that our professional and personal lifes would be kept apart and so they are but it does creep in a times. say we have confrontation at home we both try to keep it out of the work place but i cant deny that we just cover it up well i do anyway and im sure he does as well. it can be arkward sometimes to keep a balance, as for finding another post in the company i cant expect him to leave his post nor do i want him to hes worked hard to get to the top..i am going to consider looking for a position that means that i am not working directly under him. i just find the fact of him being my boss/husband quite hard..it was easy saying that we will keep our personal professional lifes seprate but it doesnt always work that way. theres times when i want to totaly take my anger out on him at work..but then realise that the guy im talking to is my husband would i really say those things to him at home??or if i didnt work with him..got a dilema to be honest. in both cases he carries more of an status than me..i mean at home obviously hes my hd, hes older i respect him i see him as a friend but when it crosses over to work i still try to remember all them factors but its different. its like trying to remind my self that here he is my boss in both cases i feel really insecure and try to aviod conflict just because its not just conflict that i can have and then forget about after work...
     
  5. saipavani123

    saipavani123 Silver IL'ite

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    [JUSTIFY]Yeah i too agree with lotusgirl. It would not be healthy to work at same place or same team. My husband was my boss prior to marriage. It was bit difficult for me to maintain balance. If we go out for dinner after work....it would be boss till 5 minutes back and after 5 minutes my boy friend or fiance. I was scared of talking to him.. and if he appreciated my work...(2-3 office colleagues were my best frnds from college and they knew about us.)...so I was scared they may feel he is partial towards me....and I was even scared thinking I may cross limits or someone might notice some difference in my body language when i spoke to him. I made sure after marriage we work at different places. [/JUSTIFY]
     
    Last edited: Apr 7, 2010
  6. RadiantCat

    RadiantCat Gold IL'ite

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    In my current organization, the lady is a manager and the husband is a team member. The lady is older by 6 years. She's a good friend of the owner and that's it.

    They take advantage of every other aspect of the company. They seem to share a very symbiotic relationship.
     
  7. sita2223

    sita2223 Bronze IL'ite

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    Jaagruti,

    Don't stress youself. Its all about how you handle the situation. When you DH is your boss, you have an advantage over other members of the team. Try to use the positives wisely instead of focusing on the negatives.

    If your DH is not your boss and if you want to put forth your suggestions or confront anything, then you would do it in the meetings in front of others like everybody else. But since your boss is your DH, all you do is a little tweaking of the situation. Instead of confronting him in the meeting room in front of all the other team members, do it before or after the meeting, via the intranet chatting tool in your office (if you don't use one, do it via email).

    To cut it short, if some random guy was your boss, you would spring up your opinions or confrontations in front of the team. Since this is your DH, you give him a heads-up. SIMPLE!

    I worked with my DH in the same company for 2 years. Yes it was uncomfortable at times. But looking at the bright side - Working in the same company has its own sweet benefits. We could go out for lunch together everyday. We never missed each other. We could help each other at work. We enjoyed the drive to-from work everyday. We decided to take both the positives and negatives of the situation in our stride. Our colleagues used to wonder how we can bear being with each other 24x7. The secret is, we love to be near each other as much as possible. Working in the same company means we can be together most of the time. :cheers
     
    Last edited: Apr 7, 2010
  8. jaagrutik

    jaagrutik New IL'ite

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    yey your right its true..hes my hd and i guess thats what makes it a bit strange ..as for the email thing i already do that. i drop my opinitions into conversation when on the way to work or at luch when ever i bump into him in the corridor. totally out of the boardroom yet it does feel like this has kind of changed my input in meetings and stuff..ive become more passive than before. also theres the threat of looking like im being partial to my husbands decisons but thankfully the team i work in are very understanding and dont see it that way. but your right there are possitives which i totally love! thanks for the advise
     

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