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Feeding your Kid with Rhymes :-(

Discussion in 'Toddlers' started by sanjuruby3, Oct 12, 2015.

  1. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi all

    Another post from worried mom with another child feeding issues.

    As you might have seen other threads, my kids is facing feeding/pooping issues. Now a days, she is 3 times feeding only with rhymes.
    We start without rhymes with pictures book and all that but kids have such a short attention span.
    Just 2 bytes down in 30 minutes or so, she decides to shuts her mouth ...and ask for things here and there..like pen/pencil/salt holder ..etc and still won't eat. I bring spoon near mouth every time but no.. May be its her strategy..

    I feel ashamed to say.. thats when we lose patience and just want her to eat..and ask her do you want rhymes? She will immediately light up, start clapping, smiling.. .As soon as tab comes, her mouth will open like automated machine.

    What do we do? How can I change her habit and our habit? We cannot sit 2 hrs waiting for her to open her mouth.

    Now 3 times rhymes for meals and many times if we try to have her sit on poo. I know its bad bad parenting, and I am quite stressed about it. When I try to remain strong, my H loses his patience with her and brings tab. Same is my case. I think she has learnt our weaknesses.
     
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  2. Gauri03

    Gauri03 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    There are two things you wish would happen -

    1. Your daughter eats enough to please mom and dad.
    2. She eats without needing to be entertained.

    For the moment, you will have to choose which one you want more. Do you want to see her fed at any cost, or are you willing to smother that motherly instinct for long term benefits? You are building your child's relationship with food that will last her a life time, so set your priorities straight. First off stop the distracted feeding right away! It is far worse than your daughter not eating at all.

    My kid's doctor gave me a very simple prescription, starting at age one -

    1. They feed themselves with minimal intervention.
    2. I get to choose what they eat and when.
    3. They get to choose how much to eat and when to stop.

    I would recommend that you create a feeding schedule that includes 3 meals, and 2 snacks. Snacks can simply be normal lunch/dinner food in a smaller portion. Offer these at almost regular intervals. Your task is to make the food appealing and offer it consistently around the same time every day. Maintain a consistent eating atmosphere -- At a table/high chair, make her wear a bib, hand her a spoon or fork, give her some water. Just simple routine steps that help her get into the mindset that this is the time to eat. If possible, an adult should accompany the child at the meal. Eat at least one meal a day as a family. There is no better way to reinforce behavior than to model it yourself. If the kid refuses to sit or eat, or plays with the food, or like my daughter, pours water into her plate, pick her up and put her down, and forget about the meal. If she shows signs of hunger within 30 minutes of her meal time, offer the food again, in the same place. After that don't offer anything until the next meal time. Keep this up until she changes her behavior. She might not eat much for a few days, but believe me she won't starve. Remember you only get to decide what she eats, not whether she eats. Toddlers often have erratic eating patterns. They might consume most of their calories on one day, then barely nibble at their food for the next few days. If you go through a few days when she eats next to nothing don't panic. Just don't give in or give her alternatives that ease your frustration momentarily. You will only set yourself up for bigger feeding issues as she grows older.

    Follow the above only if you know that your daughter is otherwise healthy and meeting all key growth metrics. None of the above applies if your daughter is medically undernourished. If she is grossly underweight, or is showing signs of poor nourishment then you need medical advice.
     
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  3. indoc

    indoc Gold IL'ite

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    @sanjuruby3..
    I am also sailing in the same boat with my 16 month son.. he needs music, even spanish songs are also OK for him.. especially dinners he's very fussy..

    @Gauri03..
    Thx for the post.. "You are building your child's relationship with food that will last her a life time" This thought never occurred to me... will definitely tryout your advise.
     
  4. viki123

    viki123 Silver IL'ite

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    @sanjuruby3
    I am in the sailing in the same boat. My DS need rhymes or songs all day running in the TV. He will not sit and watch, very busy with his toys, in kitchen, helping mommy to trash things etc. But he needs it as background song, if any his fav rhymes comes up he will go running and start dancing and clapping. Then back to his play again.
    If we try to put on other thinks like movie, news etc, he will try to change it with remote for 5 min, then his restless dance and request starts.
     
  5. preesmiles

    preesmiles Silver IL'ite

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    Gauri03, has said exactly what I wanted to say. Once you take away the distractions, you will have to go through some difficult days where it seems your daughter doesn't eat at all but as long as she is healthy according to her pediatrician, it's worth doing it for the long term benefits.

    My mom and dad did the whole distracted feeding, force feeding thing with me when I was a child and I used to be a picky eater all through my childhood. I would barely eat even as a 3 or 4 year old and would be hand fed and smacked for not eating and what not. Hated eating Indian food (because that's what I was made to eat at home), until I got to college. So when I got pregnant, my husband and I decided that we won't do things the way our parents did. We established a few rules from the beginning.

    No TV or music or any kind of distractions while eating. We want our child to enjoy eating food.

    We eat together as a family and the baby does not get fed separately. All three of us eat breakfast together before my husband goes to work, I eat lunch with my son and we all eat an early dinner together. Snacks are the only thing he eats alone. This worked out great because we can have a relaxed conversation around meal times while my son eats. Makes it fun to eat out at restaurants too.

    No separate dishes for the baby, he eats what we eat. (We did baby led weaning beginning at 6 months and started him on healthy table foods which he ate by himself). So now at 13 months he eats just about everything.

    @sanjuruby, maybe once the daycare/ nanny situation is taken care of, wait for a time you can be at home with her for a couple of days and then take away the distractions completely. Have your meal with her and place her food in front of while you eat. If she doesn't eat that time, take her off her high chair but don't give her milk right away, and try again in half an hour. She will eventually eat. Our job is just to keep offering healthy foods at the right times, its the child's job to decide how much to eat. Just like a breast fed baby decides how much to drink, give your child the freedom to decide how much to eat.

    My son now that he has started teething will go through a phase where it seems he eats next to nothing for a couple of days, but he makes it up afterwards by eating lots. Pediatricians look at food intake from a weekly perspective as opposed to how much a child eats daily.

    For your daughter, I think once she loses the separation anxiety and has more time with you, her feeding issues will resolve as well. How is her constipation now?
     
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  6. Gauri03

    Gauri03 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks @indoc.

    OP I have lived through the consequences of bad eating habits with my son. During his toddler years he was taken care of primarily by his grandmom. I can't blame her, she would be so exhausted trying to keep up with an active kid that she didn't have the patience to make him eat right. She would put on the TV and shovel food down his throat. The net result was that my son never learned to feed himself. From ages 3 to 6 we went through a nightmare trying to get him to eat by himself. He would sit there staring at his plate, whining, completely distracted. Of course, like all ignorant parents we addressed the issue backwards by being tough with him, and forcing him to eat. To the point that meal times were stressful and frustrating for everyone. Finally I met his doctor and she gave me the same advice I've given here. She told me that kids who don't learn to eat right are at risk for eating disorders, obesity and other life style diseases later in life. The most important thing she told me was to not make meal times unpleasant or he would subconsciously associate food with stress. That was an eye opener.

    We started eating dinner as a family at the dining table. I would offer him healthy food that he liked, and tell him to eat as much as he wanted. When he said I'm done, I would say okay even if he had eaten only half a chapatti. We'd talk to him about video games and books, anything that made him excited and happy. We made meal times a happy family affair. It took one year of tremendous patience but now he eats by himself, takes multiple helpings, even tells me that he likes the food! I was absolutely determined not to repeat my mistakes with my daughter. Luckily she is doing fine so far. She doesn't eat much, mostly plays with her food but she is on the right track. Hang in there. Don't take the easy way out or you will suffer for years like me.
     
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  7. viki123

    viki123 Silver IL'ite

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    @sanjuruby3,
    I was thinking about your TV and feeding, though my DS is watches rhymes, we never used it for feed for him. As other suggesting eating as a family definitely helps but with both parent working it might be difficult. We faced similar issue with milk when my DS was 8 months, he would just refuse it in any form.
    Here what my nanny did, this might help you.
    She used to place him on high chair with rhymes on TV. Place his milk in sippy cup, some yogurt melts and leave from his sight. He would watch rhymes for few minutes, then have some yogurt melts and complete his milk. Initially it took him 1 month or so, some day he would eat yogurt bites and leave milk, but slowly he started drinking on his own and eating.
    Even now, he does the same thing, he will eat ever he wants and call's me, I will feed him yogurt and done. No force feeding.
     
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  8. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi OP,
    Using Tv or rhymes to feed kids is a very common thing. Your baby is still very small, though. Although it is a good thing to get her to practice to eat on her own from now itself.

    What I realized belatedly when I went through this was that my own internal tension would begin as I prepared my kids food. And as the mealtime progressed my anxiety and worry would increase. And this tension communicates itself to the child willy nilly though we dont realize it nor do it on purpose. Saying eat and concentrating with serious face on the child creates a kind of tense atmosphere for them -- think about it -- and who will want to eat at that time? but when tv is on or rhymes are playing that creates some distraction, changes the atmosphere, attention becomes divided and we all relax a little right? And I think that is what may be happening in her case and why she needs that to be able to eat. I know in my case it was definitely the reason why. So I would suggest keep a smiling face and relaxed atmosphere at all the feeding times.

    In my personal experience it is difficult for a child to, one fine day, start feeding herself all the meals. Backing off completely so her own hunger will make her eat and all didnt work for me. Not at 15 months anyway. Maybe it works for an older child 2-3+ years. After first birthday they have to practice feeding themselves and they will pick it up slowly. I started with 1 or 2 mealtimes where I didnt mind whether she ate or not and remaining meals times I would take charge. So the child wouldnt go hungry full day but still get the practice of self feeding at least one or twice a day. With time, as she got better at it, I slowly ceded more meals to her control. Eg let her eat lunch on her own in addition to snack time but give breakfast and dinner.

    To start -- pick 1-2 snack times about which you are not so particular whether she eats or not. Eg., when she just awakens from nap and in good mood and somewhat hungry. Keep her in high chair with some music - rhymes etc intitially. Choice of food is also important -- keep something you know she drinks without much fuss like milk in a sippy and something sweet like cheerios for finger food. Snack should be sweet, that is important. Somehow I always got more cooperation initially with a sweet snack as opposed to salty chips or pureed veggies etc. And just leave her to it. After an hour or so, come back and cleanup the place. with time she will learn to finish more and more. As she grows older you can try applesauce so she learns to hold a spoon, make a mess, practice feeding etc.
     
  9. nuss

    nuss Platinum IL'ite

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    OP- Gauri and smile already wrote what I'd have said.
    Most important thing is- eating as a family. Don't give your daughter food befor or after your meal. Set up a plate for her when you and your husband eat. Let her sit in high chair and eat. In beginning you can help her feed but don't feed her the entire meal. Steamed veggies, bite size fruits, cheese, roti, sandwich, pieces of chicken, fish, eggs etc are good food to start with. Distraction of any kind- be it music on tab or board books won't work in long term. Keep mealtime 30-40 min. If she doesn't eat that time, let her wait for an hour before offering snacks.
    My daughter is 5.5 months and at breakfast and dinner (family mealtime) I keep her next to us in her high chair. I've started offering her rice cracker or a piece of naan/roti/ veggie/ fruit (same thing for 2-3 days rule) to chew on. We did the same thing with our son (now 3 years) and never had issues with feeding.
    As Gauri said, there are days when he has a big appetite and days when he barely eats. We offer him food from all food groups, usually he eats everything on his plate (may not finish everything and ask for a second serving of what he liked).
     
  10. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Platinum IL'ite

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    Thank you all the girls for your sharing experiences and worries.

    @Gauri - I like what you said of child having relationsahip with food and with distraction, it will not be. I myself was a picky eater as I lived with my grandparents and young aunts for months as child.
    But with our hectic life style and less time, we can not see long term benefits and just think of what is right ahead. I see its dinner time, and I see she has not been eating well in past and going through constipation issues, ...oh.. she should eat now. In this rush, I forget what should actually be done.
    BTW, distracted feeding... there is no other way these days to get a byte into her. She sits on her high chair, food in front of her, she thinks now she will get to see rhymes or picture book so her eyes look for that and demand that. She actually cries for that and assumes food will automatically go in her mouth.

    She hardly picks and eats her own food. There is nothing that catches her interest...may be few pomengranate kernels or peas but will not pick paratha bites or bread to eat

    As some poster asked about her constipation issues, thanks a lot for checking. Since she was on lax last week, and 4 days at home, I manage to feed her a lot (distracted feeding ofcourse) which helped. So for last full week she has been doing okay in that matter.
     

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