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Fed Up Of Playdates

Discussion in 'General Discussions - USA & Canada' started by sumalynux, Oct 27, 2017.

  1. Elsa

    Elsa Gold IL'ite

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    I fail to understand what made you feel my question was rude? And which words you wanted me to watch? I was trying to clarify what you meant by “regular”? And based on your responses, I wanted to write a response.

    There are all kinds of people in this world, one of them being the kind you described in your post, those who take advantage of others and their time for granted. I would try to avoid such people as much as I can and hence the suggestions. There is no point in trying to correct them or change them. If you do not like the advice I gave you, please ignore. It was benign anyways!

    I am outta this thread. Good luck!
     
    Last edited: Oct 28, 2017
  2. sumalynux

    sumalynux IL Hall of Fame

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    @Elsa

    This words felt rude to me.

    Also what do you mean by regular in the last paragraph? Are you expecting them to come daily?

    But if u dint mean it rude way ,my bad.
    Thats issue of virtual talks, (chats) you don't know if opposite person means good or bad tp you.. Thanks for your time..
     
  3. Elsa

    Elsa Gold IL'ite

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    It might be a good idea to clarify and not just ask posters to watch their words based on assumptions.
     
  4. sumalynux

    sumalynux IL Hall of Fame

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    OP, First of all why would you invite poeple who you do not know well home and agree
    to watch their kids?

    Here you did "Assume instead of clarifying " they are not totally strangers"



    Elsa your words does sound rude. And did hurt me. Thats reason i said mind ur words in 1st place.. I was just trying to be nice to you for your efforts to replying my thread. And was being decent to say "my bad " IF YOU DINT MEAN IT. And again ur back with ur rough words.. Your choice of words is hurtful to me, so i Appreciate if you refrain replying to my Thread. If you still do reply am gonna ignore.. once again thanks for your time..


    Also what do you mean by regular in the last paragraph?
    Sounds like Ordering tone

    Are you expecting them to come daily?
    Definitely sounds sarcasm

    And clearly my thread was more of discussion about why are people like this(kind of vent) than seeking advice.( Coz i had clearly mentioned i SOLVED by writing rules to group)
     
    Last edited: Oct 30, 2017
    Vedhavalli likes this.
  5. sumalynux

    sumalynux IL Hall of Fame

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    Yeah will be doing outdoor in summer. This is just winter playdates
     
  6. sumalynux

    sumalynux IL Hall of Fame

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  7. sumalynux

    sumalynux IL Hall of Fame

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    One day I firmly told I have to eat, she said ok eat. I was like amused she didn't have basic manners.

    Ha ha ha exactly, when i said my 1st floor lady my dh felt odd eating snack n coffee in front of her kid, she said tell your dh its ok he can drink coffee. And when i said get your son only when you are free. Its better you monitor him, she says hes ok hes 5yrs she is not worried.. People like this needs direct and firm statements. Which i did now

    I started to be my child's friend. We color, we run... We play together. Take care be smart. I know how people are selfish when it comes to them..

    Yeah i started doing it. Started dancing along with him, building legos and ball catching and bike riding with him.. This was attempt for him to getting along with other kids.
     
  8. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    1. You mentioned Edison. It has a high percentage of Indians. Maybe your group also has a high percentage of Indians. We tend to take advantage more easily of fellow-Indians than of others.

    2. Other parent repeatedly not picking up child on time after playdate: most common problem, even if the moms are good friends. One solution is to keep the arrangement that you will drop off the child at his place when the playdate ends. Tell the mother a time, and that you will be dropping off child at that time. Five minutes before that time, have the kids "clean up" and pick up toys.

    If distance is small and walkable, great. Else, there is the hassle of loading your child also into the car, and needing an extra carseat. On a related note, once you have a car and are driving, you will be less dependent on playdates.

    3. Kids with autism: you will be meeting families with differently-abled children. You will have to figure out a way of being friendly, firm, polite, acknowledging the challenge that parent faces daily, while making sure your child is not hurt. Not saying anything when your child is pinched or accepting a "sorry" from the parent, is not a fix. How to deal with such situations is tricky but well worth learning. There are online places or books where such things are discussed; useful to read up some of these.

    4. Making and posting rules: I have learnt this the very hard way. The very hard way. : ) In a setting where participation is voluntary, no one likes rules, the rule setter or being reminded to follow rules. In an emergency situation like fire evacuation or exitting a plane about to crash, or directing traffic near an accident, people will listen to instructions and be thankful for the instruction-giver taking charge, but in life's otherwise relaxed situations, no one likes rules, even if the rules are obviously for everyone's benefit.

    5. Why people misuse the situation? Simply because they can. And because they imagine that the impact is not so bad as it is. Anything that is free and easily available, people will tend to take advantage. If there is a group forming, people generally want to join it. "Nothing to lose" is the thought. They will nod at the related information and requirements but not give it serious consideration.

    6. Playdates will not end when preschool starts. These continue till child is 5-7 years old. After that, they start to set up their own playdates. If you are enterprising enough, you could look into setting up a 1-2 child daycare. Check the requirements in your city, state. Usually, for taking care of 1 or 2 children, the requirements are few. Of course, there is an associated risk and work. But, if the child is over for 1-2 hours only at a time, your child gets company as well as you make some money. Or, an alternate approach, find an Indian home daycare nearby that is willing to take your child for a few hours every week.

    For me, arranging playdates and managing them was second in challenge factor only to potty-training. : )
     
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  9. sumalynux

    sumalynux IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks for your time.

    Not high percentage but ONLY indians :).. True most of indians tend to take advantage and misuse situation.

    This playdate was not unlike regular playdates where kids are dropped off at ones place and others do it next time. This playdate was for toddler and mostly for 2 to 4yr group, where group of moms and their kids meet at ones house and play and everyone host in their turn..(Not agreed for taking care or monitoring othere kids... ) It was a winter arrangement to occupy kid. Atleast this was the thing discussed agreed when group started.

    As you quoted it was just nodded yes, and not everyone cared to follow it.


    But, if the child is over for 1-2 hours only at a time, your child gets company as well as you make some money. Or, an alternate approach, find an Indian home daycare nearby that is willing to take your child for a few hours every week.


    God no, i dont have patience for others kids. (Also on h4, not interested to do anything illegal ) Yes lot of community ladies run daycare, they need potty trained kids and take from 3years. Others which take potty trained is far and i dont know driving. Also till hes 3 we are not planning to send him to any daycare/montessori kind.

    True, playdate has become equally nightmare like potty training..
     
  10. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Platinum IL'ite

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    OP,

    this has happened to me also. Its kind of difficult, we can not scold/stop other kids and kinds also understand we are not their mommies so will be loose, and we deal with mess. Infact, I lost one friend for same reasons. Kid , much older than my kid, will always come to my place, jump jump jump , color on my walls, inspite of stopping, she will bully my kid and snatch her toys or take it to her home but won't share hers. Too much to deal with. First I used to say nicely, then I started getting irritated and scared of that kid and will try to avoid.

    One friend( not indian) would leave her kid (same age) to us to go to library. Her kid was so naughty and violent and beat my kid.

    Another kid, same age as my kid, come to our house, always fighting, not sharing and complain to me about my kid. Those kids mom never asked playdate at their place, I know why. It is very very hard to take care of other kids. We do not have patience these days.
    Even in India and old times, neighbors kid used to come take, break things, take away stuff, it happen now also at my parents place. Kids are kids. They sense that its not parents or teachers but uncle/aunts. They ahve ticket to do what they want.

    have playdates in common place or restrict their area
     
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