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Fed Up Of Playdates

Discussion in 'General Discussions - USA & Canada' started by sumalynux, Oct 27, 2017.

  1. sumalynux

    sumalynux IL Hall of Fame

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    I recently moved to Edison.

    Since winter is coming up i approached community watsgroup for Playdates.
    (My ds 2.3yrs). No much response. So created a group for sahm with kids 2-6yr old
    and posted in common group.

    Got 25 members. They started pinging,
    can i drop my kid and go.
    I cant do it at my place, if its ok i will join.
    I just came from work, my son is 5yrs he wont do anything, will cook n come back.

    I wrote common rules/message in the group and solved it......


    But got me wondering why are people trying to misuse the situation.
    I arrange playdates always at my place(i am totaly ok with it)
    I give some snacks to kids always.
    I keep group active and now doing Halloween get together for kids...
    I dont expect anyone to put toys back to place after playing.

    Things which irritate me are
    Like why should i babysit their kids??

    I always give some cookies or cheetos or buiscuits. Theres a kid, he eats all n ask more.
    Infact moment he comes he asks can u give me cheetos or that buiscuit.
    (My son would want again, ending up eating snacks multiple time)

    Kids jump on couch n stuff, a mom let her kid jump and say yeah 1 2 3 jump..

    My neighbour, she comes from work and started dropping her kid at 6.30pm
    saying let them play (my son 2.5y her son 5.6ys they hardly play together,
    he literally jumps all over house pulling all toys asking me 100 questions)
    Says I just came from work, my son is 5yrs he wont do anything, will cook n come back.
    And wont go even after my dh comes, it gets so uncomfortable serving coffee snacks to
    my dh while kid is there. (my dh literally locks himself in room till they all go)

    evening even i need to do dinner . (playdate is 5 to 6.30).. so basically 5pm to 7pm
    sometimes 8pm m struck with her son and my son jumping around house.

    Top to it, my opposite house neighbour son is 6yr and has Austism. Seeing this
    neighbour even she started dropping her kid at my place. Please dont judge me
    this kid started pinching my 2yr old. I wanted to be nice and dint say anything
    though her kid pinched my son twice that day. Next day he pinched my son in
    park too.. She said sorry i let go. It breaks my heart to see my son cry 10mins
    after that. This went on for couple of days, i once told her you also be here
    when you leave your son, he pinched my son 3 times today... Then on she
    was there. But still with her being available her son pinched my son.. I got
    so worried asked my friends and mom how to handle it gently as i dint want
    to hurt her feelings. Finally when there was a playdate(other kids also)
    she wanted to bring her kid to playdate, but others in group plainly rejected
    saying they have seen Austism kid they cant control pinching and hitting behaviour
    and also since her kid is 2yrs n learning stage her kid would repeat/learn from that
    kid. So after that incident, she stopped bringing her kid to play..



    Like this just to have some playtime for my son with other kids i ended up
    getting into lot of mess like this.. My dh warned me, i am so afraid to loose friends for
    my son i let themmisuse. Always do playdate at my place. Give more of snacks/Choclates
    (Had been to other place twice no snacks theres, kids just play n leave)
    Let them walk to kitchen, bedroom n all. Let them jump on bed n couch..
    So finally i wrote a message/Rules on watsupchat group. Not many people
    are coming to playdate now. (Couple of people are good they come but not regular)

    So was wondering Is it that difficult to get kids to play ??? Without all Bribing
    and taken advantage off
    ?
     
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  2. Sunburst

    Sunburst Platinum IL'ite

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    I think you are being taken for a ride . In all my years of living here and attending play dates , I have never encountered this either at my place( not a chance ) or our friend's place .
    First of all, we do play dates only at a park or some indoor bouncy place where kids can run around and burn some energy . Never had play dates with so many kids at my house and I being their baby sitter is unthinkable . I don't have so much patience with other people's kid so baby sitting them or allowing so many kids in my house is compelety ruled out . I can imagine your husband's situation. After a long day , No one wants to come home to a cacophony of random kids running around . This will affect your married life so please keep this nuisance away .

    It's your house so you set your rules . I think all these ladies randomly dropping their kids and you handling them means they just want to have free baby sitting service and Some time alone . Keeping safety in mind , I also wonder how these mothers drop kids to your place if you are not even close friends . So far I have never ever left my kids alone even at my close friends house .

    The only people who are allowed in my house are my close friends and their families . Not some random WhatsApp groups ladies coming over .And all my friends are respectful of my house and time so it's not like they drop the kids expecting me to feed them and look after them . They come , kids play either in the house or in the yard with constant supervision from all of us, everyone snacks or have lunch / dinner if planned and all the kids HAVE TO clean up before they leave . My kids do the same when they go to other people's house . And kids generally are aware of their boundaries so entering my bedroom has never happened .

    Please stick to outdoor play dates and if they it's at home , make sure they are your close friends and one of the parent always accompanies them. Also, let the kids know that if they want a toy they have to cleanup after playing . You need to be firm about this
     
  3. ChennaiExpress

    ChennaiExpress IL Hall of Fame

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    Unfortunately you give an inch and most people will take a mile.

    This is human nature.

    It really sucks that strangers came in your house and trashed it.

    And they are ungrateful at that. You think their children are any better?

    Yes, outdoor/public playdate with 1 or 2 extra kids seems manageable.
     
    sumalynux likes this.
  4. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    It is better to arrange play dates outside your home.
    In my case I invite relatively close friends having kids of same age to my house or go to their house once in a while. Not everyone or not every week . But still, encourage them to play outside during summer time and in toy or play area during in winter

    Also I have seen cases like in birthday parties of older kids, or play dates, parents drop kids at home and go, they come back and pick later. I have never faced it, but heard it like that. But not for small kids like this.

    As your kid is 2.3 years, may be you can think about sending him to daycare or similar for few hours in every one or two days per week, so that he get a chance to play with his peers. Some of my sahm friends did it and found it useful.

    I think it is not wise to take up responsibility of small kids of this age(2-3ys). Parents should be there to watch. If anything happens every one will blame you. So please rethink about this setup.
     
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2017
  5. sumalynux

    sumalynux IL Hall of Fame

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  6. Grace09

    Grace09 Senior IL'ite

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    Everyone here have given great advice, please dont let people use you like this. Sending your son to a daycare is best, he gets to play there and you do not have to tolerate such ungrateful people for the sake of your son. Do let everyone know that you are dissolving the winter playdate group for what exact reason, people need to know how selfish and ungrateful they have been and ruined something that could have been mutually beneficial arrangement.
     
    sumalynux likes this.
  7. Elsa

    Elsa Gold IL'ite

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    OP, First of all why would you invite poeple who you do not know well home and agree to watch their kids? It is better to send kids to daycare and then sign up for some activities like swimming etc over the weekends.

    Also what do you mean by regular in the last paragraph? Are you expecting them to come daily?
     
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  8. sumalynux

    sumalynux IL Hall of Fame

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    Elsa i did not agree to "watch their kids" and they are not total strangers. They are from next building n from community. And have met them in parks and events like balmela and other things.. And the kid who has Austism is literally my opposite House. And one who has 5yrs kid n works that mom is literally 1st floor of my house.. Initially i never thought or new they would drop kids n on so when neighbor in building did once twice i let go thinking genuine. 3rd time i did say.. I can't be rude like others vert first to my new neighbors. Especially when mom was dealing with Austism kid..



    Also what do you mean by regular in the last paragraph? Are you expecting them to come daily?
    And please watch your words its very rude.. I appreciate your inputs, but doesn't mean u can be rude.. (Ni if read my post correctly i never asked for suggestions n said i dir SOLVE it by sending a rules kinda thing. I was just wondering y people take advantage). when we started group we agreed to get kids for playdate alternative days mon wed n fri. So now only 3 people meet once a week. N its enough..

    And yes daycare did cross our mind. We did enquire also. Few close by daycares needs potty trained kids. My son is not potty trained yet. Ones which takes kids with diaper is bit far, n i don't know driving yet.. We have planned to put kindergarten when hes 3 n potty trained..


    I feel swimming or other activities bit early. Would do once hes ready..
     
    Last edited: Oct 28, 2017
  9. sumalynux

    sumalynux IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks.. Daycare which is near needs potty trained. Was planning to send when hes 3yrs. This was only winter playdates..

    Couple of people are good. They come once a week and that is enough for now to just my ds get along with other kids
     
  10. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Finest Post Winner

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    Tough situation...
    One thing you can do is ask other sahm's for play date in rotation.
    1) always arrange playdate within same age group.
    2) older kids misbehave with younger ones, like snatching ball, pushing, pinching etc. Some moms don't control even with very normal kids
    3) as for snacks serve in the later time of the play date. Stick to things like juice / yoghurt 1 pkt for each same flavor for all.
    4) never let the kids be without mom or dad
    5) arrange playdates outside like park/ library story time or some cities have indoor play area free based on booking
    6) You have to rude for mean persons
    I had a neighbor who would drop by daily at 1pm to 3pm with her 1.3 yr old to play with my kid who is 3. I miss my lunch because of her, also my chores like washing cleaning or story time with my kid was on stake.
    She would go only after her child sleeps, she come to exhaust him to sleep, using my child. Won't clean up or even say sorry.sometimes her kid would be crying top of his lungs...
    One day I firmly told I have to eat, she said ok eat. I was like amused she didn't have basic manners.
    Next time she told me, her kid has to pick language skills as he isn't talking.. that's why she come to play. I said you can come from 4-5. Other time we are busy.
    Then onwards she stopped coming.
    Note that she never ever called my child for play date.
    I started to be my child's friend. We color, we run... We play together.
    Take care be smart. I know how people are selfish when it comes to them.
     
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