Fathers and Sons 2

Both my children went to a small, parent-run Montessori school in our small U.S. midwest town, for their kindergarten. [Like most things in life, Montessori can be like a religion, with its own Siva-Vishnu fights, which in this case would be AMI/non-AMI, for instance ] We didn't have much choice and the children seem to have survived it OK.

There was a Chinese kid called Brian Chen, a year or so older than my older son -- he was my son's hero. [Almost all Chinese I know have a Chinese first name as well as an American first name.] When son joined Montessori, he could count only up to 10, while Brian could count up to 100, a major intellectual feat in son'e eyes. Son would sometimes wonder why I didn't know the words to common songs like "Jingle Bells" (which, for instance, their baby-sitter knew). I would tell him the truth:

"Son, I didn't grow up in this country. That's why I don't know these songs."

He came to me one day with a question:

"Dad, do you know how to count up to a hundred, since you didn't grow up in this country?"

I assured him that this was something I could more or less manage, despite the obvious handicap of not having grown up in the U.S.

The Montessori only had kindergarten. Son went to public school for first grade. He came home excitedly one day:

"Dad, there is a different Brian in my class in this school. And he is not even Chinese."

This race-blindness is one of the alluring qualities of this son. Recently, we went to New York for his graduation from graduate school and got to meet some of his friends whose names he has mentioned during the last three years -- Natalie, Steve, and Sara. It turns out that every one of these was an Asian -- Steve and Natalie are Chinese and Sara is Korean. Their "ethnic origin" is not something that is important enough to mention, for my son.

He has been extraordinarily busy during graduate school. However, he still found time to teach an English as a Second Language (ESL) class to immigrants. One of the reasons he said was this:

"In addition to learning English, attending this class is a way for these students to document their presence in the U.S. If this class is canceled, they would lose this mechanism."

I have often felt this: if I was a struggling new entrant to the U.S. (which I was forty years ago but not now), I would be truly grateful for people like my son. Being his father is a different story -- he has missed out on some academic opportunities because of spending time on stuff like ESL. He has clearly told me that he will live his life only according to his principles/values/ideals/goals. This has only made me want to pull out my hair, sometimes:

"Yes, son. I know how to pull out my hair, even though I didn't grow up in the U.S."

 

Thanks for all the good wishes to my children.