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Father of the Bride

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Akanksha1982, Dec 7, 2014.

  1. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    Of all the human relationships, the least spoken relationship is that of a father and a daughter. It is the most quiet yet the most emotional and loving relationship.

    When a daughter is born, generally the father is not happy. But as the girl grows up, the father loves the daughter more than his sons. The father brings the best, expensive toys, games, dresses for the girl. The father may beat his sons or ask for an account of the pocket money but never beats his daughter or asks for an account of the pocket money. Father forgives all mistakes of daughter and is happier at every small achievement of the daughter.

    The daughter on the other hand, silently takes care of her dad. In absence of mom, she cooks, cleans and takes care of the house and her dad. She exactly knows what her dad likes. She never asks his father for any expensive gifts and is always careful of her expenses.

    The father loves her daughter so much that he puts his reputation (izzat) in his daughter. Daughter for him represents his reputation. The daughter also thinks about his dad's reputation before doing any act.

    As the daughter grows older, the father looks for an alliance in a house that is better than his and for this he is willing to do anything (take loan, give dowry or whatever) to make the groom and his family happy and willing to marry his daughter.

    The daughter looks for his father in every alliance that she sees.

    Finally, on the day of marriage, the father feels like his heart is taken away by someone unknown. He helplessly, without tears watch his precious love drifting away from him. The mother is lucky to shed tears at Bidaai. The father cries silently.

    After the marriage of the daughter, the father is always worried whether his daughter is safe and sound at the in-laws house. Gives money, gifts etc in some pretext or the other. Silently or explicitly tries to find how is her daughter doing in the in-laws house. if the in-laws happens to be greedy, he tries to satisfy them by giving whatever what they want with the expectation that his daughter will be kept safe. The mother gets happier when she becomes a grandmother of a son's child while a father gets happier when he becomes a grandfather of a daughter's child.

    There is not much spoken between the daughter and the father during the entire life, yet both of them silently love, care, admire each other.

    A fine song penned by Sahir Ludhanwi for the movie Neel Kamal sums it up.

    Us dwaar se bhi dhukh dur rahe, jis dwaar se tera dwaar mile.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=llMbGE2iYd8

    Dedicating this snippet to my dad and all the fathers of daughters.
     
    sindmani, Balajee, mbharani and 6 others like this.
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  2. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Akanksha,
    Nice snippet. You have wonderfully brought forth the unspoken affection between the beloved father and daughter.
    An article of mine on the subject was published in 'Open page' of the Hindu on 20th Feb 2011. The artcle contained the picture of a sorrowful father keeping his hands on his cheeks just at the entrance of the kalyana mandapam. I am unable to trace the picture in my files. You may view in The Hindu: Breaking News, India News, Elections, Bollywood, Cricket, Video, Latest News & Live Updates in the paper dated 20-2 2011

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    Pomp and show to the fore, blood and sweat beneath

    VATHSALA JAYARAMAN



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    “My eldest daughter's marriage is settled. The bridegroom is a software engineer,” told my friend. Instead of jubilation, anxiety was writ large on his face.
    On hearing the word wedding, what automatically comes to our mind is a majestic mandap set up with floral décor, a well-designed welcome board tastefully decorated, hundreds of women clad in Kanchipuram silks and wearing dazzling diamonds, the bride and the groom at their best attire beautifying the centre. All the guests are entertained with a sumptuous lunch/dinner along with a gift item too.
    Behind all this pomp and show are the sweat and blood of the bride's parents. Thirty years ago, marriages were less expensive even with dowry. Nowadays, the bridegroom's parents boast themselves of not demanding a rupee as dowry, but the element is concealed in the guise of extra jewels, furniture, vehicle, etc. With the soaring prices of gold and silver and the rising cost of all food items, expenses for a traditional wedding run to lakhs.
    For an ordinary government employee/executive at the retirement age, after purchasing a two-room flat and educating two or three children, it is a huge burden to celebrate the wedding as per the norms. Not to talk of those who have more daughters and aged parents to look after.
    A matter of prestige
    Marriage celebration has become a matter of prestige. Elite and rich people set standards for the middle class to follow. The bridegroom's parents alone cannot be blamed for this. Many a time, the girls utilise the wedding as the opportunity to extract as much as possible from their parents. Instances are not uncommon where even a well-employed girl invests her entire earnings in a high-end flat and expects her middle class father to conduct the marriage in a manner deserving of her official status. Poor father has to mortgage the house, his only asset, to cope with the huge expenses. The mental agony sometimes leads him to the deathbed.
    Unfortunate failure
    Is such a gala wedding necessary at all at the cost of one's precious life? When are we going to realise that there are more vital issues than the gorgeous processions, mesmerising mehendi, petalled pathways, expensive interiors and extravagant dinners? Is everyone happy after the so-called enviable event? Even before the greenery of the festoons fades, arguments and counter-arguments over trivial issues creep in, resulting in unfortunate failure within a year.
    Introspection
    It is high time that young girls and boys gave serious thought to the ethics and values of the great institution of marriage and did some introspection on their social responsibility to maintain everlasting harmony notwithstanding certain struggles and conflicts normally associated with marriage. Marriage is no doubt a memorable event.
    The event need not be a pomp and show marked by lavishness.
    Even the regular rituals and celebrations in the presence of a limited number of guests will fill the ambiance with festivity and make the occasion splendid, vibrant and colourful.
    Brides and bridegrooms, insist on a simple wedding without any ostentation, although it is against the wishes of your parents. You are disregarding so many of their instructions. Let this be the most benevolent one.
    (The writer's email is: vathsalaj@yahoo.com)





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    Jayasala42
     
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  3. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks Jayasalama for the FB.

    Your article is wonderful. Yeah the marriage expenses need to be controlled. It is the most unnecessary expense. Wastage of food and money and no one remembers it afterwards. These days even the invitation is very expensive and a great show off.
     
  4. parineetha

    parineetha IL Hall of Fame

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    Beautiful Post Akanksha! Loved it!

    First of all very happy to see you here more often these days. So finally snippets becoming the happening place for the Love guruji’s of Relationship forum. Hehehe
    Just kidding! Even we do some side kicking stuffs you see. :wink:

    Though least spoken, its speaks so loud of the most emotional bond ever. To a dad, daughter is the apple of his eye. For her, he is her first friend, first Guru, first inspiration, first role model , her first hero and her first man in her life But always..always her BEST MAN.“A son is a son till he gets a wife, but a daughter is a daughter all her life.”

    To me Daddy is everything for me. If Ma is the epitome of discipline, daddy is the partner in crime at home. But a man who taught me what integrity means not just with words but living a principled life.
    He held one of the most prestigious and influential post in the state service, but what makes me so proud of him is, he was the most acclaimed straight forward, honest, disciplined officer during his period.
    That’s the value system he taught all of us. Someone who calls a spade a spade and stands only for truth.
    My daddy is and will be the best human being I ever met. I’ve hurt so much but daddy is always a daddy who never gives up on me, forgives and accepts that children make mistakes but daddies will forget and forgive.

    I’m gona go very emotional even I write a line more, so I’ll just say “My daddy, the most awesome man”
     
  5. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Beautiful snippet.A moving depiction of father-daughter love.
     
    1 person likes this.
  6. Scorpio707

    Scorpio707 Platinum IL'ite

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    Akanksha....a nice and moving write up...you are right in referring to the least spoken of all relationships...while reading it reminded me of my wedding day...when I constantly looked up to my dad and knew he was making a conscious effort to stay away just to hide his emotions from me...could relate so much to your post, glad you wrote it...my dad and me speak very little yet there is so much than words can ever express...
     
  7. getstrngth

    getstrngth Gold IL'ite

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    Very beautiful snippet. I felt like talking to my dad immediately.

    E and my dad are very close. We talk right from Carnatic music , geography to politics. My mom and sister feel that I've inherited lots of his characters.

    There is a tamil movie called 'Abhiyum Naanum' which depicts the beautiful relationship between father and daughter.
    My dad gets emotional everytime he watches the movie. My mom gets emotional as she remembers her father.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05IPRH2f6I0
     
  8. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dea r Akansha,

    i am the father of two daughters, i dont have a son, nor do i regret it.Do u know i went to the temple to pray for daughters bopth times? And god granted me my wish.

    The elder one is married with a son, the younger one, about to get married. And yes the bond between dad and daughters is soemthing else. As the saying goes

    A son is a son, till he gets a wife,
    A daughter is a daughgter , all her life.

    Regards

    kamal
     
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  9. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    @Kamalji, your daughter are blessed to have a loving father like you and we are blessed to have loving friend like you.
     
  10. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    I hardly spoke to my Dad. My mom was closer to me. We used to talk for hours. When I was in school, my dad used make me participate in elocution competitions and guide me what i needed to speak and how to speak. I miss him more. My parents are no more.

    I will definitely watch the movie. I don't know Tamil but am sure the expressions must be good.
     

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