Fashion statement-no dowry please

Not many ask for cash these days as dowry, because of social ostracism,fear of law and of course some don’t like this word..What I am going to present are case studies of some marriages in middle class families.I am not going to pass any judgement but let the ilites discuss the fairness of these practices.
The boy was an Engineer employed with an MNC and the girl selected was from Trichy.The boy’s side insisted on conducting the marriage in Chennai .Any amount of persuasion to have the marriage conducted in Trichy was of no avail.At one stage the boy’s side was prepared to call off the proposal if the marriage was not conducted in Chennai.The ostensible reason was that the boy’s grand parents were old and immobile and they were keen to attend perhaps the last marriage in their lives.The girl’s side relented but had to undergo severe physical and financial strain to conduct the marriage in Chennai.On the previous evening, a reception had to be hosted and the bride’s side had to foot the bill of feeding the groom’s friends and relatives at considerable expense.The boy’s grand parents turned up.with neatly dyed hair and helped themselves to generous scoops of ice cream-they were immobile to the extent of refusing to leave the ice cream counter.Is it fair and would it have been better if the groom’s side shared a part of the reception expenses?
There is another case where the groom’s father said “We don’t want anything –just conduct the marriage in a befitting manner-Let us fix that marriage hall-it is auspicious for us” and mentioned a name.Finally it ended up in spending on almost a five star marriage hall-the brides family could have selected a good marriage hall at 50%cost.What is the status of the Groom’s family?They live in a single bedroom apartment and they wanted to show that they are also a part of the crowd as their only son is a scientist in US.This is expense statement aristocracy. When the boy’s parents came to invite me, the first thing they uttered was the name of the marriage hall..I came across a case where the girl’s family was asked to book five rooms in a good hotel to accommodate the groom’s friends coming from some other town.Ultimately the rooms were occupied by the groom’s sisters and brothers in law.
There is the wonderful case of a judge’s family.After the families agreed for the alliance the legal custodian said”you can discuss all other matters with my wife.The dharma pathini of this upholder of law said-“let us first talk about gold-my first DIL came with 50 tolas of gold-I don’t want your daughter to have inferiority complex-once we agree on this, let us discuss other issues”.When my friend consulted me I asked him to say no to this nonsense.
A joke.In another alliance, the groom’s mother said “My son has so many watches as gift from the company-you can get him a bracelet.This reminds me of Marie Antoinette ,the heroine of the French revolution who said that if people can’t have bread let them eat cake.I only wish that if boys’side want to have cake let them pay for it and have it.
I am not going to dwell at length conversion of cots into sofa cum bed,dhoti-towel to safari suit,diamond ring etc.
.Enormous amount of money is being wasted to cater to the vanity and pomp and that too for an ephemeral satisfaction.Let good sense prevail and boys come out to protest against ostentation at the expense of some one who is going to share their joys and sorrows for the best part of their lives.If not “No dowry please” will become just a fashion statement and not a genuine declaration in letter and spirit.

 

There is a gentleman whose only achievement in life was to father a male child.His walk,conditions,demands etc made it appear as if he was from royalty.His son was following him as a toddler going to school for the first time.My BP went up.Unless boys come forward,girl's side will continue to be a helpless victim.
LAKSHIMINARAYANAN

 

In the case of the Trichy girl I kept count and found that on the reception day the boy collected around 600 gifts where as the girl got around 18 gifts.Obviously the count would have been different if the marriage had been celebrated at Trichy.It almost amounts to collecting mamools at the expense of some one else.

LAKSHIMINARAYANAN

 

You have given me another opportunity to vent my anger.In another case, a beautician had come to the Mandapam to deck up the girl.Getting wind of this information women and girls from the boy's side made a beeline to the beautician and the bill was cleared by the girl's side.The only decent thing they did was to compliment the girl's side on the selection of the beautician.
Old people will not change as they are tasting blood for the first time many of them deprived themselves to bring up the children.Boys have to participate in the discussion and volunteer to share the expenses.

LAKSHIMINARAYANAN

 

The Indian siciety is still evolving.The very fact that we are discussing this painful subject shows that we are crying for change.The day is not far off when girls are on par with boys .In fact demographic changes[less than 1000 women for 1000 men]shows that things have to improve.
LAKSHIMINARAYANAN