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Family Values and Marriage

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by justanothergirl, Sep 30, 2015.

  1. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    As a continuation of Building Positivity in Married life Forum, let us discuss the importance of maintaining values within a family.

    There are many ways to define a family ..and the definition itself is constantly evolving but one thing we all can agree is that its a lot more than the genetic/legal bonds which hold people together. Strong families often share a common set values beliefs/traditions which are at the core of most decisions. Every family's list of values will be different and there isnt one right set...What is important and what we believe in is what we eventually pass on to our kids. Unlike companies which hold meetings to come up with their mission statements family values are seldom articulated.
    Here is a set of values scourged from the net .

    Acceptance Religion Career Creativity Generosity Kids Money
    Mercy Spirituality Detachment Gentleness Moderation
    Helpfulness Patience Tactfulness Caring Education
    Honesty Peace Thankfulness Chastity Encouragement
    Humility Perseverance Thoughtfulness Commitment Enthusiasm
    Idealism Trust Compassion Equality Integrity
    Purposefulness Truthfulness Confidence Excellence Respect
    Unity Contentment Justice Responsibility Cooperation
    Flexibility Kindness Discipline Roots Courage
    Forgiveness Love Service Courtesy Loyalty Sincerity

    Here is the quiz..

    1) If u could list the values that are dear to your heart and add to this list
    what would they be? There is not right set that works .Just a set that works for that family.

    2) If you had to choose the top 10 values from this What would they be?

    3)Of the 10 if u had to absolutely pick the top 4 ...pillars on which ur marriage and family will be built/is built what would they be?

    4) If u did this exercise with ur DH and kids..do u think you will come up with a list thats pretty darned close to yours?

    5)And here is the real HW :)
    How close do your actions model the core values listed...
    U do not have to answer this ..:)

    Tips on all the little things you and your family do stand by these...are most welcome..funny/inspiring stories too...!
    Open thread!
     
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  2. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    As is the protocol


    2) Education Courage compassion Equality Perseverance Roots Discipline Integrity honesty kids


    3) If I had to really pick only 4 values..that I wish to pass on to my children.
    It would be
    Equality honesty Compassion and Roots.


    4)With DH most likely yes. Actually plan to do this some time this week.
    Kids ..no clue.

    5) I try.
    . e405b1ea896d7937f3008c31f6184fe3.jpg
     
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  3. Gauri03

    Gauri03 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Thought-provoking thread. I can't say that I've ever consciously considered a value-system for my family, though we've probably modeled it with our behavior and our choices. I had to put some thought into this. Asked my husband and he stared at me like a startled gargoyle, so no help there. These sort of ruminations are not his cup of tea. :)

    Top values -- Love, Trust, Learning, Experiencing, Purposefulness, Commitment, Strength, Fairness, Forgiveness, Gratitude

    The values that I would like my kids to absolutely internalize -- Self-belief, Self-worth, Doggedness, Integrity, Empathy

    I do believe we try to embody these values in our day to day lives. I suppose the true test would be to ask your kids and see if they agree. Mine are too young to contribute.
     
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  4. indoc

    indoc Gold IL'ite

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    Love & trust.. The two core principles of any relationship.. all others are secondary
     
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  5. cutemonster

    cutemonster Platinum IL'ite

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    Really nice thread.I was wondering about something similar from last few months.had got a kind of scrap book for mommies and wanted to gift to my mom, it had a column , asking mom what she thought was the best thing she taught her kids and does she think her kids follow her teaching.I am.waiting to read what my mom writes.
    For me most imp thing in my family would be , valuing humanity more than religious customs. No religion is above human life.
    Then compassion , honesty, self-confidence, loving , hardworking , patient and being thankful.
    I think aa child learns from their parents only, respecting others, their faith and accepting people can be different from each other and still alike is the best thing my parents taught me.
    Dh n me try be good role models, my son is too small to contribute .
     
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  6. Oriana

    Oriana New IL'ite

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    Creativity: I cannot sustain a life without being creative and innovative in my field of work, personal relationships, social consciousness. For me it is very important to whisk the most mundane things or perfunctory chores in duly creative manner (did I tell you my toothbrush looks like a totem maypole with helical decorations). In a relationship, fun to be creative in communication, conduct and reciprocation. "O-oh your gift for my birthday. Let me blow your mind away on mine". An aggressive and brimming brainpan to surprise, overpower and outpace is deemed essential to conserve that zing, bing, bang, huzzah, schmooze between friends, lovers, siblings or even those doomed and addicted multi-player video gamers.

    Courage: Courage to dream, courage to rise, courage to march possibilities or courage to recede from improbable is what shapes our life. In a relationship one has to cultivate the courage to disclose one's feelings, accept love, reject love, walk away from unrequited love, reinforce or smash wobbly love, or speak up for contending love (all kinds of love again in a family)

    Money: The wayworn who said money cannot bring happiness perhaps never swiped a plastic card beaming with bags of absolutely worthless items picked up from a sale. Let's be realistic about the transcendentalism of Ralph Waldo Emerson, David Thoreau, solitude, retire, and spartan living. I'm not too sure I'd feel sublime knapping flint under giant sequoia. These precepts and themes are good on travel post cards, calendar pages, romanticized and idealized fiction in local story writing competitions. Money prospects happiness, achievement and a sense of fulfillment as purchasing power to quench our desires. How can something that no one would like to give-up or compromise (even the maya & moha talkers never actually go beyond the talk) be so inherently evil. Prudence in spending and dignity for earning should be taught at early age.

    Introspection: Unexamined life is not worth living (add-on to your list)

    I think the rest: Cooperation, Caring, Respect, Integrity, Humility, Honesty, Perseverance, etc will fall in place once the aforementioned qualities are locked because one can feign anything but not "Creativity", "Courage", "Money".
     
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  7. Oriana

    Oriana New IL'ite

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    Redact: "I cannot sustain a life without being creative and innovative in my field of work, personal relationships, social consciousness"

    Corrected:
    I cannot sustain a life without being awed by creativity and innovation in my field of work, personal relationships, social consciousness.

    Means I see a lot of creativity around me and impressed not that I'm creative and next Warhol in making. Just transpired how the sentence paints egotistic views. Seriously need an agent to handle my IL account or proof-read my writing.
     
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  8. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    True for most of us Gauri .While I have been a part of many "mission statement " meetings at work..I dont think we ever did this consciously at home. Given the age of my boys I will have many pairs of gargoyle eyes stare at me when I bring this up this weekend.
    :thumbsup


    More than I ever realized. Actually every decision we take as a family is a reflection of these.
     
  9. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Love the idea Cute Monster. Wonder
    Couldn't agree more!
    Honestly I feel I am a better person because of a my kids..they make me hold myself to a higher standard . Not sure if I am making sense.
     
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  10. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Creativity..u own it :)
    Ur feedback truly merits its own thread.

    True ..some values fall in place as a part of the package. Love/caring/respect/...
    while others need to be consciously incorporated.

    Money/financial success to a point is an absolute requirement. A king at war and a beast in hunger do not indulge in luxuries..and introspection is one such luxury..so is family values thread on IL :)
    That said..the idea of choosing the must have pillars is to serve as guideposts for prioritization. Like the optimization code...:)
    When there is a conflict..which way to u sway?
     

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