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Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by varah, Dec 23, 2010.

  1. varah

    varah Silver IL'ite

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    Hello Ladies,

    Though what I am going to tell u here seems to be petty issue, I want to correct myself as how I should react if similar situation arises in future.

    Yesterday, me n H was talking and he said that his mother is the most brilliant lady he has ever seen as she has passed some govt exams without preparation [though she failed in interview]. I told him that she herself told me that she was handling GK classes in school and she reads newspaper top to bottom and that why she could manage. Immediately, his ego shoot up and said "Am I her son, dont I know what she taught?this that". I said that I have seen more intelligent ladies. Then he says "If I say something, you can't accept it.you have something dirty in your mind thats why u can't tolerate about my mother.". If she is really something of that sort, i can accept by heart. but till what i have seen, she more crooked in handling situations to put her husband n son into her pocket. Same ways she handles me trickly, like piercing needle in the bananna. Morever I said "I haven't seen her brilliancy yet". He is angry, upset and not talking properly.

    What should i do to handle situation concerning FIL or MIL and when he talks ill about my parents?
     
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  2. orion80

    orion80 Platinum IL'ite

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    It is common that many people, ladies and men included, idolise their mom or dad. They take great pride in their parent's accomplishments. So if he is of the opinion that his mom's accomplishments are great (even thuogh you feel they are small), i dont see any harm in saying yes. You dont need to praise her but i would suggest to refrain from countering him when he praises his parents. This is not for the sake of your husband or for your MIL but for your own peace of mind.

    Regarding him talking ill of your parents, respect his parents and demand the same for yours. You cannot expect him to hold your parents in high esteem when you criticize his parents. If he unnecessarily talk ill of your parents without a reason, tell him firmly that you will not tolerate if he talks that way.

    -Lakshmi
     
  3. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

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    varah
    i feel there is no harm in nodding head for certain things
    parents are role models for every child in their life...so i guess eventhough you think she isnt smart her son thinks she is..why not just listen rather than comparing her and saying there are more smarter women??? :shhh:
     
  4. sridevi101

    sridevi101 Senior IL'ite

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    men usually wants to get his wife's appreciation for his parents. its natural. when you didnt agree, you hit the center of his ego. which was not necessary. if his mom passed those exams without preparation, its fact the she is brilliant. you cannot say the you have seen more intelligent persons. comparing is not an answer. what if he says the there are many gals who are more beautiful than you? you will get hurt if it is true or not. say yes to these thing. you are not gonna lose anything right?
    if your DH didnt expect anything from you, he would nt have shared this with you and wuld nt have got upset when you disagreed. dont create hurts for simple things. its hard to cure them later.
    i dont say that he is perfect. expecting the answer that he wants to hear is not fair.
     
  5. vjbunny

    vjbunny IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi,
    I agree with Keerthana Sundar.... No matter what ur MIL does to you she is ur DHs mother..... if he speaks ill of your parents you can protest then only but not in this way he naturally felt u are insulting his parents..... In the end it is your relationship with ur H that suffers than ur MIl or Parents .....
     
  6. parvathi1980

    parvathi1980 Platinum IL'ite

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    I think ur response was not appropriate. I personally don't see any harm in acknowledging the fact tht ur mil is brilliant! My mil taught in primary school for several yrs and she is very artistic...she writes beautifully nd cooks really well...she has played a mjor role in saving money for her family. I do not get along well with her but i do accept her qualities in front of my dh. Infact he never praises her but these r qualities which i observed.

    She has harassed me nd continues with her drama wenever we meet...but there is some good in her as well:thumbsup.
     
  7. blessed

    blessed Platinum IL'ite

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    I agree with the other ladies, you should not have commented that "I have seen many more interlligent ladies than her" this def. hurts his ego, there is no harm in just noding your head and accept what he says.

    If she has passed an govt. exam she shud def. have some stuff in her, as it is not easy for every one to pass them. We must accept some good qualities in them.
     
  8. ars

    ars Platinum IL'ite

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    You shouldn't have. I agree with others.
    Also look at it this way.
    For a minute, forget she is your MIL. wouldn't you appericate a person who has passed any kind of exams back in the day.
    Everyone has something good in them, we need to appreciate that. All five fingers are not the same right. But you still need all five to make it a hand.
     
  9. varah

    varah Silver IL'ite

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    Hi friends,

    Thanks for your posts. There was some conversation before that where he was trying to insult my parents when my blood begun boiling, so I deliberately said that to console my temper. Often I land up like that where I can't control my anger and because I'm unable to swallow it they become words like this. Later i feel I should have controlled myself to avoid the tiffs.
     
  10. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Two wrongs dont make a right. If he says something about your parents to hurt your feelings, tell him that it bothers you and you'd like him to stop it. But don't get back at him by taking jabs at his mom. That only creates a war of egos, with both husband and wife racing to see who can worship and glorify their parents more. Your comment that you have seen more intelligent ladies was mean and wrong. Now your dh will feel justified next time he says something negative about YOUR mom. See what's happening here? A vicious cycle of negativity. Try to break the cycle and both you and dh try to be respectful about each others relatives.
     

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