Extremely Distressing And Humiliating Behavior By Husband

Sad, but you need to be practical. Consult an attorney and evaluate your options. Its better to be prepared. He can lie and prove you are incapable and medically unfit to get custody. I am not sure about Indian laws. So, you should be ready to face it. So, dont contact or chase him, but prepare. See, he showed that if you dont go in his direction, he will show his true colors. Let it cool down.

 

OP, I am not at all shocked by your abusive husband showing His true colors in few days only …

that is why , I was of the opinion that be realistic and accept the reality that abusers DO NOT change .. they might put a facade, a smoke screen for sometime but they won’t change …so I called out that the Other poster who told you to be strong as her husband seems to have changed ..

well she seems to be in the west and I know desi men in the west who buy time to divorce to move financial assets and till that time act like an ideal husband …

I always tell women to be practical and realistic and think like a psychologist on how they tell abused women that most abused women become mentally weak so can’t think straight unless they complete some therapy and that is why, they end up going back to abusive husbands if they don’t heal mentally ..,


your abusive husband showed true colors in few days only which I would say is good that he revealed his true nature as I had one of my cousins who was married back in 80s india and her rich abusive husband would do extreme love bombing and flattering to win her back after she would separate so she never got out of that marriage, plus it was back in 80s india where very few women applied for divorce and she was a housewife too and her husband was rich so would do extreme flattering to win her back .. now she is old and feels like she missed out on all happiness and spends time away from her old husband moving between her 2 grown up married son’s houses as now a days even in India, daughter in laws don’t want to stay with mother in law..

but this is 2022 and still some Indian women are acting like it’s 1980s india and fall for abusive husbands comeback lines…


please be realistic and don’t lose hope on a good future by perhaps going to YouTube videos on how many single divorced mothers in india , even in small towns in India have their YouTube blogging channel and are telling their story that they are married happily again even after divorce as a single mother, that too in conservative small towns like within UP and Gujarat .. in big towns like Chennai, Delhi , Bombay it’s very common

 

I don’t understand why are you in such a hurry? This is big big problem. It will take time to resolve. Only in movies one incident makes person realize and change forever. In real life it takes longer. Mentally keep one year or 18 month timeline for complete reconciliation.
I already told you: delay delay delay. Delay is in your favor, hurry is in his favor. Again you are making same mistake. You are letting him set the timetable and going back to reactive mode. What is this? Are you under pressure from your parents? Kids? Yourself? It’s better to solve issue once and for all than leave him 100 times.

From your update it’s clear your h is comfortable in dominant role, setting the agenda and timetable and pushing onus on you to defend your actions than accept his mistake. He’s very comfortable when he blames and threatens you. That’s his sweet spot, his worldview. Please open your eyes and see this clearly.

Once and for all I’m telling you - just because he says sorry or proposes you return doesn’t mean you have to decide immediately, or even reply. He has to show good faith. The onus is on him. But as you see, He will keep pushing, hurrying you. He wants you back and the matter closed. That’s his priority. How do you not see this?
My suggestion is avoid getting pinned down by him. Don’t say yes and don’t say no. Say neutral things to buy you time. ‘Oh, I was so busy I didn’t get time to even think about what you proposed yesterday. - so much work, getting used to new job, my health is not good, kids had something so many topics to divert to! Use them. Ask him for more time. ‘Yeah sure I was busy I will get back to you.’ If you can’t get out of it or have to talk give elaborate descriptions of your new job responsibilities, your treatment, mental stress and all the things on your plate. This is the only problem for him, but you are dealing with many thing. Indirectly make it clear he can’t rush you. You need time to decide.
NEVER tip your hand to him. Not even a suggestion of what you plan to do should cross your lips. You can see how unpleasant and threatening he becomes right? So keep quiet. Just reply sweetly, ok let me think about it and get back to you, don’t pick his call every time. And if you want mediator etc then first time your h should know about it is when the mediator is on the line with you.

Do not give him the benefit of the doubt. Be careful. You are becoming complacent and forgetting the torture he put you through I think. He will minimize his actions. Doesn’t mean you also set it aside. This is your time. You set the agenda and decide the time and place. I still think you are in big hurry and rushing to reconcile. I don’t think you are thinking clearly.

 

Btw hope you realize the whole thing about sister will leave after few weeks was just a story. Sister is not going anywhere. He was just telling you whatever he thinks will make you come back. When you insisted on waiting for her to leave, he dropped the story and showed his true colors.

OP, You need to stop believing anything and everything he says is gospel truth. He was lying about the sister moving out, maybe about his remorse also… maybe everything he has told you so far is just a ploy to get you back. Did that occur to you? Try to be a little more skeptical. And slow down.