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Extramarital Affair With Ex

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by mimi77, Aug 29, 2018.

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  1. mimi77

    mimi77 Gold IL'ite

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    After 12 long years my ex boyfriend reconnected with me .....First on social media where very casual messages were exchanged......We exchanged numbers and talked after so many years.....very cool casual chat but felt so good to hear his voice......Our relationship ended very amicably and there were no hard feelings but we preferred not to be in touch......Over the years we both are happily married and settled with kids......He lives in a far away place and there is no chance of physically meeting him......We have started casually chatting on whatsapp but feel that there is still some feelings left and we are wasting and investing a lot of energy on this relationship......I love my family and he too loves his family ,but cant stop thinking about each other.....Feeling so helpless....pls advice
     
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  2. vinuraj

    vinuraj New IL'ite

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    First of all why did you posted this?The straight answer is you are felling guilty or you felt that’s not right.

    If you continue this you and your family will be in trouble.will your ex allow his wife to talk with any other guy? The truth is No he won’t agree. Then why are you doing this to your husband and your family?

    If something happen or some one(may be your husband or his wife) questioned , every body blames you including your ex.he simply escapes by saying though I talked casually she entertained me so a guy I continued.what is your answer then?

    My advice is stop everything immediately.if you can’t,ask your husband like I got addicted to mobile please keep it away from me for few days.Try..... everything is possible.

    Read my first paragraph now.your own heart is best judge.it will prompt when we are doing wrong.hope you will understand. Best of luck.
     
  3. mimi77

    mimi77 Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks a lot.....I do understand the wrong that Im doing......with a supportive husband by my side I should not be doing this......But something about my ex draws me closer to him virtually......As I know ,I married my husband when my ex was busy building his career......He never contacted in the past so many years.....I know I need a lot emotional intelligence to handle this.....Thanks for your advice
     
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  4. Lalithambigai

    Lalithambigai IL Hall of Fame

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    OP, we can understand your situation. It's like we all know street food is not healthy but at the same time we also feel it is tasty and yummy but that doesn't mean we eat street food on a regular basis. For our own health and to set the right example for our kids we need to overcome that temptation. Easier said than done I know.

    It's obvious from your post that you know what's the right thing to do here. This relationship is not sustainable. Eventually it will die, just a matter of time. If you bury it now yourself, gracefully, it can still remain as a sweet memory. If not, once it hits it's expiry date, his spouse or yours discovers it and then you will be forced to exit and that scar will remain for life. Choice is yours. You are smart and I know you will pick the right choice.

    Tell him in a casual, fun way that you would love to see if you can break your earlier record of staying away for 12 yrs and how cool it will be to catchup again after 12+ years and see where you both are at that time :)
     
  5. mimi77

    mimi77 Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks a lot dear......your last para is a solid advice ......thanks so much
     
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  6. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    @mimi77
    Your thread title insinuates a done deal, a feat (already) accomplished. :confundio1: I see that you say there is a far distance between you two. How far a distance is there between ex and you ?

    Facebook (whatsapp is owned by them too) has a lot of ex'es, and old-flames from school/college getting back together at various levels of interactions. It starts with scouting the social network with the curiosity to see what happened to him/her, and then if that social-network page is open/accessible, the curiosity becomes a "following"; there will be information, and photos of their new life. Something different always sounds/seems exotic, and if there is some old memories to go with it, the mind would tend to wander a little. No harm done. Mind is like that only.
    Social networks where your real identity is open, and what you write or speak can be recorded in some archive, that is not a SAFE place to be. You do not know how people might have changed over a decade. You must make sure to avoid such situations, so that your internet wanderings, although harmless, should not come back to affect or hurt your peaceful life.
    upload_2018-8-29_19-0-23.png
     
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  7. BerryPine

    BerryPine Gold IL'ite

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    You must Cut those cords that connects you and your ex by all means. He is already an 'ex' for some reason,let it stay there. Dont put yourself in an embarrassment and confuse the cosmos. Turn off all the notifications all over your social connections and eventually you'll be fine. You're not wrong,you're not right either,but it's no good for you.
    Live it up!:cheer:
     
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2018
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  8. mimi77

    mimi77 Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks dear for your reply.....Im finding it hard to resist my temptation to answer all his messages and frankly I feel good to see his name flash on my mobile......Im not trying to convince myself that what Im doing is right but my life is a little too peaceful with a self engaged workaholic spouse......My DH is otherwise caring and responsible.....But there is so much I miss about my ex....will take some time to heal......Thanks dear for yoyr advice
     
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  9. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    Nothing is unusual in what you say/feel.
    ;) There is an old old song with the line "if you can't be good, be careful..".

    I just happen to notice on the side bar a new thread "How to handle Desires". Perhaps there is some good hints for you over there.
     
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  10. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    There is an option to block a number or redirect any call from a phone number to any toll free , block a number in whatsup ( no chatting) and also to unfriend anyone on facebook and restrict privacy settings in Facebook. Also to dump any email to trash. I am sure you know it. Why not use it.

    Tell your ex that its affecting your current life and let us be ex's like before. Let it be a sweet memory. I think you now realized that its not going in right track, its is going beyond your imagination. Believe in that gut feeling. It is emotional cheating. I feel sorry for your dh and his wife. What they feel if they came to know about it. It is better stop now than be later and be happy with your own life. Control your mind and divert it to other things when you get an urge to contact him.
     
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2018
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