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Extra marital relationships

Discussion in 'Cheeniya's Senile Ramblings' started by Cheeniya, May 9, 2007.

  1. Cheeniya

    Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Barnowl
    A hearty welcome to my ramblings!
    I agree that Sindhu Bairavi is not everybody's cup of tea but my thread was not supposed to be a review of that movie. Getting stuck with Suhasini or Sivakumar particularly in the mould of the characters that they portrayed in that movie would make anyone think twice before pledging his troth to such people!

    I have no right to discuss the merits of divorce as a remedy, being a man thoroughly brainwashed by 19th century characters! If you say that divorce is the best alternative when things are not going as per our expectations, I'll just run my hand through my imaginary hair and say 'May be!'
    Sri
     
  2. kelly1966

    kelly1966 Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Cheeniya
    Haven't read all FBs but this sure is a controversial topic..
    I've not seen this movie nor have heard of Balu mahendru.. so can't comment on either specifically but generally I can't help but sometimes feel that if 2 people are really so very unhappy and incompatible then is it fair to either of them to be tied down in matrimony just because.. they have kids.. parents will be hurt..what will society say.. etc etc.. don't they have the freedom to get rid of this miserable existence and live life to its fullest without this day to day misery???...mind you I'm not saying LOVE any where just that even co-existence/ co- habitation becomes an unpleasant task.. then what do you think is the best alternative?
    also EMA is as age old as the very existence of man.. we have heard and seen EMA happen is all classes and strata of the society.. and all will agree that morally its wrong.. but dil hain ke manta nahin... yes I think all of us at some stage or the other have found someone who is definitely more compatible/ lovable/ like able than our own spouse.. but to accept that fact.. and then also to understand that maybe sometime later there is a possibility that you may find some one even more compatible/ lovable/ like able than this person.. and where to stop???.. requires a certain degree of maturity.. self satisfaction.. and self control.. thats all I know..
    this topic can go on and on..
    take care
    kerman
     
  3. Cheeniya

    Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    My dear Kerman
    We have all endeavoured to make EMA least controversial by agreeing on certain basic points:
    1. It can happen to anyone, even to those who have had a very austere background.
    2. While a male is predominantly pushed by excessive lust in seeking EMA, women tend to use it to satiate their emotional needs. For the woman, it usually starts as platonic but a man can easily bring it around to a physical level!
    3. No amount of reasoning can justify EMA
    4. One predominant factor that discourages couples from indulging in EMA is the fear of losing the comfort and security of married life.
    5. A male may be prone to risk his married life if his attraction for another female is too strong and obsessive but the same reasons may drive a woman into a shell from which she will be very reluctant to come out.

    The former Chief Minister of Tamilnadu, the late Annadurai described EMA as 'The jasmine in the garden of our neighbour will be more fragrant than the one in our own tree!' This is psychologically true to some extent. We get so used to what we have that it ceases to cause any excitement in us. That's why we look at others with interest, be it their dress, car, house, jewels or whatever. Everyone goes through with this kind of feeling. Prudence lies in just stopping there and not progressing to the next level of coveting them!
    Sri
     
    1 person likes this.
  4. arch1209

    arch1209 Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Cheeniya Sir,

    Like Kerman I have not seen the movie in question, but I decided to google it :) and thanks to wikipedia (I am sure does not do justice to the movie) I could figure out the gist of the movie. I remembered a post in our Good to read forums, which talked about the fickle nature of human mind. If one thinks about it in a more philosophical sense one can say that there is nothing that is permanent in this world. I would not judge someone by their EMA, because one can never say what goes on in someone's life unless we have lived it. We all have different life experiences and different life paths, which play a huge role in the decisions that we take and the people that we become. If someone has grown up seeing fickle relationships, and has trouble keeping their heart to themselves then it is their business. I know a lot of women, who love their husbands and are devoted wives and mothers but they find more companionship with a male colleague at work. I don't know if I can judge someone because of their life choices, simply because I don't live their life and don't know what goes on in their lives...
     
  5. Cheeniya

    Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    My dear arch
    The greatest aberration in a human character is the tendency to be judgmental. I really do not know if any other living being has this tendency. As you have rightly pointed out, it is certainly unfair that we judge someone on the basis of what we outwardly perceive of their life. If it is wrong to show more than ordinary interest in their private life, it is equally wrong that we go about commenting and passing judgment on it.

    Every one has some skeletons in their cupboard. Let us take care to keep them well shielded from others' glare rather than trying to find out more about the contents of their cupboards!
    Sri
     
    1 person likes this.
  6. shubini

    shubini Silver IL'ite

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    Also another point to be noted is EMAs do not happen only in unhappy/incompatibale marriages but also in happy and well settled marriages.

    In most cases Person A beloings to a troubled marriage and in due course becomes attracted to Person B and works a lot to attract Person B and God praises/worships B and with time B yields to the temptation. B's life partner is a happy contented person and never tracks B or may be never comes to know of this affair at all. A has a troubled marriage and is anyways goign to break at some point. But just because of lack of self control B looses inner peace and family and social status very quickly.

    Imagine Suhashini's state in the movie. Balachander cleverly showed her as a single person w/o legal parents and w/o husband and kid. And Sulotchana was purposely characterised w/o a kid to make the audience nod for an EMA. Imagine Suhashini having a smart husband and family and Sulotchana with kids. Will she accept Suhashini's kids? If husband and kids are ground to a place can Suhashini flee away from the city after delivery? Everyone's life woud have ended in enough confusion. The only thing to accept is Balachander was very clever in his screenplay :)
     
  7. Cheeniya

    Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear shubini
    This looks like your first visit to my Ramblings. if so, I extend a hearty welcome to you! And I must also thank you for adding another perspective to the murky episodes of EMA. I agree with you that Balachander has cleverly presented a blatant EMA in a framework of seemingly justifiable set of incompatibilities. Most of these story writers touching upon EMA always try to reason them out as a highly logical conclusion. Mahendran is another director who specialised in this business and has never produced a movie without an episode of EMA in it. Nenjathai Killathe is one movie where he goes overboard with his concept of EMA and won three awards for it too!

    I agree with you that an EMA can happen even in a happy marriage. But citing your own case study, the other party must be from an unhappy marriage for this to happen. In many, many cases of EMA, I have found that the male of the party feigns unhappy marriage and spins tales to paint his wife in the most horrendous ways to earn the sympathy of the female of the party! It is not the question of having a solid reason for EMA. The painful aspect of the whole thing is the person having a strong reason to look for an alternative channel to find emotional comfort invariably ends up destroying a peaceful family.
    Sri
     
  8. shubini

    shubini Silver IL'ite

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    Yep, this is my first visit thanks.

    I beg to differ from you. Whenever v hear of an EMA in our neighbourhood v tend to complain the guy and feel sympathy for the girl involved. Girls are not brainwashed for an EMA to happen. For so many years girls have been trying to attract men by their dressing n eye/lips makeup n perfume and what not. And especially when girls go to court once, they understand the Indian law is loosely written and it favours women a lot. Only a man in an EMA can be sent to jail for 5 years. Legally Indian women can have any number of EMAs and the poor husband cannot even complain to anyone.

    Its both the party finding it irresistable to control their desires and harmones and they spoil lives of so many people around them. So blame is 50-50.

    But I am not sure what we do wen an EMA happens in our surrounding?? Do v try to teach them a lesson? Do v avoid them? Do v warn their life partners? EMAs r so painful and destructive to the innocent life partners n family n kids and thats y wondering what I shud do if I cum to know of an EMA in my office or gym or across my friends circle. Do v need to have a social responsibility in handling EMAs or shud v mind our work n get abck to our own business?
     
  9. Cheeniya

    Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I do not want to sympathise with the male side of an EMA merely because he is the one who faces a punitive action while the female goes unpunished. From a legal angle, what she does may not be a cognizable offence but she'll be paying a far greater price in her life for her folly.

    Personally I would think that it is none of my business to poke my nose into it unless they realise their mistake and want to redeem themselves.
    Sri
     
  10. shubini

    shubini Silver IL'ite

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    There has been many movies trying to justify EMAs to a large extent.

    May be there should be many more movies like "Pachaikili Muthucharam" which explores the darker sides of the after effects of an EMA.

    Leaving that suggestion behind....I am so tired of all the mega serials which showcases EMAs to a large extent....80% of serials have EMA as the background theme for their story line. Though they try to showcase that EMAs endangers many relationships and upsets everything...but they just project too much and too much of anything is a pain :-(
     

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