Extra marital relationships

Dear Lavanya
Strange it may seem but it is a well documented fact that infidelity is more in love marriages than in arranged marriages. In arranged marriages , we are mentally prepared for incompatibilities and are always ready and willing to deal with them in a perefectly coordinated manner. But in love marriges the incompatabilities come as a shock and the husband or wife facing them feel shattered. "Oh, he/she was never like this when wooing me" is a common refrain we hear from victims of love marriages! I dont say that this is true of all love marriages but my general observation is that couples of arranged marriages find the process of adjustments a lot easier.

When they find someone very soothing to move with who understand their problems with compassion, they tend to lose themselves. More often than not, the men who step in as a balm for the bruised soul take advantage of the situation and trap the women for life or until they get bored with the women whichever is earlier. The women should be weary of the men, particularly the married ones, when they start advising the women to move away from their husbands instead of counselling them how to keep their marriages strong and healthy. If only these women ascertain from the wives of such men about their relationship with each other, the truth will come out!
Sri

 

Dear Radha
That's a very sane approach to the problem. If everyone restrains himself or herself from doing anything in private which they dare not in public, we'll all be so very happy!
This can very well be an acid test for all our actions, not just EMR!
Sri

 

Dear Chithra
The modern life has made all of us so complicated that we need to project a different image on different occasions! I judge all my actions by the only yard stick that I have used all my life- Will it hurt anyone?
Nothing else is important to me.

It is my life and I wish to live it on my own terms. I care a damn for society! I have just another seven months to complete my 65 and the society means nothing to me. What or who constitutes society anyway? It has never displayed any helpful or compassionate attitude to anything I did and so why would I worry about it? I never condition my thinking to suit the convenience of society!
Sri

 

Dear Malathy
Conscience is a very complex word and difficult to define. It is not an absolute quality that is the same for everyone. Everyone's conscience is moulded by the life one goes through and by the lives gone through by his dear ones in the past. You cant expect the conscience of a man who has seen his mother and/or sister exploited by society to be the same as the conscience that most of us have. Someone who earns his bread through some highly demeaning existence can not be expected to have a very balanced conscience.

I have interacted with some juvenile delinquents being a member of a service organisation and I find it hard to fault them for whatever they did in their lives! Will their conscience be the samne as that of our children? Let us not try to judge the action of another through the reactions of our conscience. We have not gone through the kind of life they may have!
Sri

 

Dear Bhargavi
Yours is the most practical approach to a problem that confronts most of us in some way or other. No one does anything without adequate reason. If he does, we are not concerned with him. I have made my thinking very clear on this issue that I am NOT concerned with people having EMR for fun but only those who are forced or driven to it through some extreme circumstances.

Once Sivasankari wrote a series of stories about women driven to prostitution and their tales were heart wrenching. I am sure those who are caught in the web of EMR will have some very convincing reasons too. Who are we, basking in the warmth of a loving husband or wife and family, to comment about them saying they have no right to indulge in EMR no matter what they go through?
Sri

 

Dear Kamla
Thank you for sharing my concern for the hapless men and women. I firmly believe that it is totally wrong to judge others' actions in the light of our own experience particularly when we have been blessed with the best of both worlds! The most difficult thing is to develop the ability to step into other's shoes and observe the world from his perspective.
Sri

 

Dear Malathi
I think I have still to learn a lot from the happenings around. Your FB to mine was an eye-opener.Thank you a lot. Now on, I will look at people's behaviour with a new, open mindset.

That speaks volumes about your inner strength, Malathi
This attitude of yours will take you through your life very smoothly
May God bless you!
Sri