1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Expert Opinion - Very Complex Situation

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Goahead, Oct 26, 2020.

  1. Goahead

    Goahead Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    177
    Likes Received:
    75
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Female
    BACKGROUND : ok so my husband is a finicky person. With covid, we haven't met anyone so far and we are still doing online groceries. I wash every singe item that comes inside the house. if we go out for walks hikes etc then we wear mask , we strip down and wash those clothes' immediately and i even saw my husband cleaning shoes with disinfectant sprays few times ( shoes stay in the garage ) .He is so particular that the kids have started calling him sanitizing guy.Any amazon delivery stay outside in the box for 3-4 days and then its wiped down , kept in the sun for one day and brought in

    SITUATION : My sister who lives in city A is pregant and ofcourse parents will not travel to help her from india. So my brother who stays in city C and is a bachelor is asked to come stay with the sister so he can help during the hospital stay ( she has a toddler so brother can take care of him when she goes to delivery )

    my brother will be travelling from City C to A and in between city B is where we live
    my husband said that he should not fly because he can catch something during the flight .
    he says he should drive 10-11 hrs at a stretch

    everybody was thinking that my brother can take a break in our city and stay overnight and then drive the next day .But my husband whose background i just told above said no to him coming and staying with us and is saying that he is young .he can just go directly and drive 10-12 hrs with breaks in between .

    I'm extremely hurt and ofcourse my family is as well.Everyone has seen his nature before so we ind of knew that it will happen. but i'm ver much hurt.This is a very small piece where i can hel my sister n her delivery. I cannot go because I have 2 kids myself and ofcourse with covid etc its more complicated .

    My husband is acting as if what he said is normal and he is ofcourse right .But i'm furious inside.I also know that when it comes to his family his rules and his phi Nicky nature kind of becomes lenient
    so i'm more angry that he does these things to my family and to his family he never hurts them

    These kind of things has happened in the past as well few times when my family and i feel very bad.I feel ashamed literally of him representing me

    I'm angry and want to talk to him that he cannot be like this in families .I also understand his nature that we havent met anyone and he is s particular so ofcourse this is difficult for him that my brother will come stay with us

    what should i do ? should i let it go ? or should i discuss this and it will become a fight for sure but should i fight for it ? i feel so helpless with this guy and so done with him ...
     
    Loading...

  2. hridhaya

    hridhaya Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,101
    Likes Received:
    391
    Trophy Points:
    158
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi, Sorry about your situation. Is it possible for you to arrange a stay in a nearby hotel for your brother when he crosses your city? you can go and meet him and send some items for your sister. Don't let your husband's paranoia bother you at this time. See how you can help your family by offering a workaround.
     
    Agathinai likes this.
  3. Agathinai

    Agathinai Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    154
    Likes Received:
    265
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    If the coin was flipped and his brother were to drive to visit his sister in similar position would he advised this? Of course, no! I just read his lavish presents to his sister.

    The rule of everything will be for your family only with your husband. You shouldn’t relent easily.

    My suggestion would be accept him in your house, wear masks, take usual precautions of distance, offer him a room with separate washroom and let him stay overnight. If you are not actually doing personal contact the risk is much less. Talk about this arrangement with your brother ahead of his arrival.

    Don’t let go of your courtesy with your family members when they are in need. Don’t worry about the consequences with your husband. It’s your house too and you are a decision maker as well. Good luck.
     
  4. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,671
    Likes Received:
    4,571
    Trophy Points:
    308
    Gender:
    Female
    If your husband won’t allow your brother into your house and you cannot resolve this then your brother should feel free to take a flight. Your husband doesn’t get to dictate that.
    For the flight ask your brother to get a good mask-I got some FLTR95 masks from Costco that are not medical grade but provide good filtration. He can wear a face shield or safety goggles for added protection. Ask him to use hand sanitizer liberally and wipe down his seat. Carry his own headphone, blanket etc.
    Your husband is behaving irrationally with regard to Covid and poorly with the situation overall but only you know if it’s a fight you will win.
    Regardless of the means of transport your brother should plan to isolate once in your sister’s city and take a Covid test before interacting with them, for the safety of the mom and newborn.
     
    chanchitra, Thyagarajan and hridhaya like this.
  5. ProudIndian

    ProudIndian Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    649
    Likes Received:
    652
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    If you feel something strong about anything u should do it. Husband will be grumpy for sometime and will move on. If u know u r right then do it. We women remember sad memories for very long time, guys fogey easily. In fact if your sister want your help u should go and help her. But u have to take your kids and take care of you kids plus her housework.
     
    nakshatra1 likes this.
  6. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    927
    Likes Received:
    1,512
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    Your brother is a great guy, in Covid he is taking risk and travelling to help sister not for any selfish purpose.
    As a sister, you also have right to feel satisfaction of doing whatever u can for your sister. After all it is family.

    Your husband is simply being paranoid and selfish, but he cannot dictate like this.
    Just think would he give same treatment to his mother or sister???????????? Would he ask them to stay in hotel??????

    You must let your brother stay in your house, it is your house too, your husband cannot be final decider in such serious matter involving siblings and breaking relations. Believe me, else u will regret for a lifetime.

    Take utmost precautions. If u ask your bro to stay in hotel, it will be very hurt though eh wont say anything.
     
    chanchitra and Thyagarajan like this.
  7. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    927
    Likes Received:
    1,512
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    Its not paranoia , ur husband is extremely selfish towards your fmaily in general as per your previous post
    Relationship And Trust With Husband Has Gone !

    You can let him control u like this, and spoil relations with your siblings- then regret for years to come.

    Or u can find self confidence and follow your conscience. Your husband is taking so well care of his sister, why should u spoil relation with your brother?
     
  8. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    950
    Likes Received:
    1,090
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    You need to help your brother..
    Either he can catch a flight by taking all precautions...if it's not a very long flight he can wear proper mask,... else if he chooses to drive you can invite the brother home and clear a room inside the home with separate washroom..he can spend the night by taking proper precautions with no contact with any of you..in self quarantine..can supply food from a distance .and room can be sanitized after he leaves...
     
  9. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    1,378
    Likes Received:
    2,886
    Trophy Points:
    285
    Gender:
    Female
    Do what you think is right. Stay strong

    Ignore any tantrums from your husband
     
  10. Goahead

    Goahead Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    177
    Likes Received:
    75
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Female
    thank you ladies for the suggestions and making it clear that what i'm thinking is not wrong

    i was giving the benefit f doubt to my husband a lot as i know that its his nature to take extra precautions.

    i feel so sad that have to fight for this issue and since we already have so many other fights related to inlaws that this is an added stress

    sometimes i feel i should just let it go and not make a scene but i'm so angry that he treats everyone as an outsiders
     
    joylokhi likes this.

Share This Page