Experiences as a new bride..

Hi everyone,

It is definitely an interesting topic to recall after many years of marriage.

I am married for 2o years. Ours is a love marriage with much difficulty..though we both belong to the same caste/color/creed/subsect/ even economic status etc., But my hubby who was a boss at work and a very good friend was adament in marrying me for his own reasons apart from compatibility (love)!!!!

Well, when my inlaws first met my parents, the very first quesion asked by my mother in law was that if i know cooking. I don't have a clue about cooking bcos, my mom won't even allow me to enter kitchen and i have an elder sister who is always very helpful to mom in all the household chores. As soon as i finished my post grad, i moved to Chennai and stayed in YWCA and working until i got married. So only for diwali i visit my hometown and i totally relax during that time and my mom is never pushy. So when my MIL asked, i was honest to answer her that i don't even know how to make coffee and she laughed so loud. Then my mom immediatelt defended me saying that i hardly get time to concentrate on cooking, but i will catch up learning the basic day to day cooking etc., though they didn't buy it and bcos i am selected by their son and that too I am staying in the hostel, they all told my hubby that i would be a bimbo and would never fit in a family environment like theirs.
Anyway, when i told my hubby (then fiance') about such line of questioning by his parents, he was so sweet as he said "i know how to make coffee, so we will drink coffee first and then worry about how to make the rest of the day's meal'. He also suggested me to get a Meenakshi ammal cook book before leaving India, to try out basic stuff in cooking.
So Immediately after marriage we left India to London, where the next day, I made an excellent sambar, and a beans curry, Milk payasam etc..i was shocked to taste my food as I was a master on day ONE. My hubby was so amazed to eat a very good meal from his so called bimbo wife!!!!!!!!
But the trick i followed is like my mom who used to chant slokas while cooking and she says the taste gets better if you do so. it actually got the best for me on day one. Then over the period of 20 years, I have always been making the best food ...

I guess thats about it and I thank God for this skill as without food one cannot survive ...

Geetha Priya

 

Hi, nice to see your postings.
For me, ours and my MIL place is different citis. 2nd week after we get married, my parents came to my MIL place to take their daugher and soninlaw to their house for 2 days. That day I was expecting a lot to see my parents arrival. They rented an ac car (USA son in law) and when I saw my mom, I was so happy, i cannot say those feelings in words. we went to my mother place and spend 2 days and again, my parents rented a ac car and we all (parents, my hubby and myself) travelled to my MIL place. It takes nearly 5 hourse. We had our tiffin and started. AFter reaching MIL place, they served food for my parents and my hubby. my MIL asked me to serve. my MIL and SIL, brother-in-laws all had lunch already. I was so hungry but don't wanted to show, i started serving. My mom was saying my MIL that my daughter cannot tolarate hungry, let her eat, it is since hrs she ate. My MIL said "that;s ok, she is our family member, you are guest, once u finish she can have her lunch, what is there?" But my mom was struggling to stop her tears. I said "ok mom, I am not hungry. I will have later" My mom was saying something to my dad, and she was looking at his SIL face helplessly. Since he is newly married, he didn't want to raise his voice towardss his mom. He just started eating. My mom ate as fast as she can and as little as she can. Even my dad. Then she was urging me go have my lunch, she started serving me. She said inperson that, "how can I eat when my kid is hungry? I am so worried, how that even your husband is not saying anything. we all started at the same time, as I am hungry u will be hungry. Even u say u r not hungy, as a mom, I can read your face. Please, eat when you are hungry, don't expect someone ask u to eat. U say straight that u r hungry. I became calm only after u had your lunch. Being a mom of 3 daughters your MIL didn't understand your hungry". My mom was literally crying.
I can not forget that moment.
hmmm... forgot to tell u... Once we planned (my hubby and myself) to go to my mother's place. My hubby booked train for us. I got shocked. I asked him, Y not ac car? He said, your dad can rent a ac car since he got a NRI son-in-law. But, this is my money, I cannot waste it. I said "adapaaavi" Till today, we make fun out of it.

 

Hi,

One main thing I forgot to mention that if you have to deal with issues after marriage in a peaceful way, you need to have lot of advise and training from your mother... If a mother is smart, then the daughter gets all the help genetically and otherwise from mother...

My cosis's mom is an extremely wicked lady and she worships my inlaws for marrying her daughter..into our family..
But in a month's time, after marriage, my cosis made life miserable for everyone in the family, that made my inlaws think that I am such an angel bcos i never raise my voice, never argue, fight or gossip...just mind my business... my only form of torture if i am hurt is to STOP talking to everyone in the family including my dear hubby....:yes: its tru...and it works best for me...

:2thumbsup:
Geet Priya..

 

Hai,

I got married in January 2007, & My MIL told me that I can not do anything in the kitcen till one year. I got horrified because I used to live all alone and was a habitual worker or a bai. I cannot sit idol even for a minute and I've a passion for cooking and kitchen. But somehow I managed & persued everyone to let me enter the kitchen. On 15th day it was purnima and two days prior I was told that on Purnima I should prepare the HALWA. My MIL & FIL went to market & to my utmost surprise while going out ,standing in the doorstep my MIL told me that only 2 tbsp ghee is left. I got panicked because atlest one small bowl of suji was to be used. I saute(bhunana) the suji along with atta& besan on low fire till it was dark brown and Ghee came out. Made the chashnee on other side and made a wonderful halwa. My FIL praised :clap & said the Sugar is upto my mark & you are pass, but my MIL & SIL didn't utter a single word.

Love
Meenu

 

Everyone!!!!
your experiences were really good to read!
Keep them coming. soon I will have my own to share :2thumbsup:
Cheers!
Simran

 

Yes I also noticed nobody is commenting :-(

But I enjoyed this thread so much! Thank you for starting honeybee.

Jothi, Madhubala, vivbass, Ami, srilak, krishnamma, rajmiarun... all your posts set a smile on my face :-D Far from boring! It was very interesting to read your experiences.

Here is one of mine:

We got married on Dec 25, 2004. Ours is a love marriage (same caste/language etc) but since my parents had moved out of India 5 years before our marriage, my dressing change had changed from the general Indian style... I mostly wore jeans or skirts. Although I am very comfortable in chudidaars, sarees were an effort indeed! Somehow I managed to change into so many during the wedding ceremony itself.

On the first morning after marriage in my in-laws home, they said there will be a pooja at 6am. But I fell sick one day before - I had fever and nausea (perhaps due to stress of wedding and all). I was feeling was very bad. When I woke up it was 8 am! I awoke with a start, almost scared what will happen now. To make matters worse when I came out of the room (still in my nighty) all relatives were ready, dressed in nice clothes for the pooja. Imagine my embarrassment. I later came to know my husband prevented anyone from waking me up since I was sick - no matter the pooja muhurtam has passed. Although I was thankful, it still didnt reduce my embarrassment at everyone being ready for my wedding pooja, except myself. My husband told me to wear a chudidaar for the pooja instead of saree, so that I will be comfortable. Its true I didnt even have strength to argue.. but first morning, first pooja in in-laws home... I was thinking. My mother-in-law very graciously said "It is OK, we are all family members here, just feel free to wear chudidar"... it made me so happy! We performed the vratam with me wearing a new chudidaar.

Not just a relief to my weak body, but I felt a warm welcome into my new home. I feel lucky to have such accomodating and understanding in-laws.

Sunita

 

Sunitha, I am very happy for you.. very accomodative and adorable husband & inlaws. :2thumbsup:
I personally feel that when the inlaws take the first step in making the new bride comfortable in her new home ,she bonds with them quickly too.

Regards
Honeybee.[/quote]

I agree... it is more upto the in-laws to make the new bride welcome... because she is the newcomer into the family. However hard the daughter-in-law tries she cannot make a difference unless there is an equal and more than equal reciprocation from in-laws side also.

I realize nobody is perfect and bad things are said and done in any relationship - it is true between parents and daughter, husband and wife, friends, also between in-laws... but in the in-laws relationship the bad things take another form.. there is a "you & me" feeling that does not exist in other relationships... so even enough if such things happen at some point, the relationship with in-laws shud be made strong enough to endure it and come out of it without carrying forward grudges. For this to happen, it is more upto the parents-in-law to make this delicate relationship work and be beautiful - because they are elder and have seen more of the world than the bride so their behaviour should be warm and they shud be careful with what they say and do to make sure the new family member on whom their family's present happiness and future prosperity depends, feels happy.

After reading so many posts in the different threads on this site, my heart reaches out to all those who suffered/are suffering due to no fault of theirs! It is very unfair and sad that these things are happening with so much frequency...

I don't know what else to say :-( I just wish these educated girls use good sense and strength of character to come out of such situations... I have a very close friend of mine whose case is very similar to the girl who had posted in another thread - about her doubt that her husband is not loving her due to her not being beautiful... I will post her story in another thread sometime. I really admire her strength and integrity.

Sunita

 

My Father-in-law ....... A sweetheart.

Hi all,

Let me also put down my experience as a newly bride. This was a month after my marriage, when we were in <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comffice:smarttags" /><st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1lace w:st="on">India</st1lace></st1:country-region>. My husband was at work and my mil went to visit her ailing cousin at the hospital. I was alone at home with my fil and my sil's 2 yr old son (both were asleep).

Everyday a milkman dropped milk at our place between 4-5pm. Mostly it was my mil's duty to take it and warm, but that day it was my duty, as she was not there. Before leaving she informed me to take milk and warm it.

When the milkman arrived i took the milk and kept for warming, at the same time my sister who was in <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1lace w:st="on">Kuwait</st1lace></st1:country-region>, called me up and she spoke to me for about 20 mins. After her phone, i called my mother to inform her abt my sis call. By the time i finished everything it was 30 min. During this time, I completely forgot about the milk.

My fil who got up went to the kitchen to drink water, he smelled the milk (he has poor eyesight-cant see well) he asked me if i have kept anything on gas. I got a shock of my life. I ran to the kitchen but till then the milk was almost over. The gas and kitchen table was a mess. I was almost in tears.

But my fil was so supportive. He said ‘Accidents happen, don’t worry. But next time take care. Now go and get milk from shop and replace it, before your mil comes.’ I cleaned up the mess then hurried and got milk and warmed it up.

When my mil returned, my fil didn’t tell her anything. But till date, because of this incident, I am very alert when it comes to, anything kept on gas. I see that I always close gas before attending anything.

Diana