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Expecting Dhs To Be The Best, Are We Looking Our (dws) End As Well?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by RohiniVenkat, Oct 11, 2017.

  1. RohiniVenkat

    RohiniVenkat Silver IL'ite

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    Read few threads and it induced me to write this here.

    We are all DWs and all are expecting our DHs to be the best in everything. He should look good, smart, courteous, well groomed, soft spoken, well mannered, great earning etc, etc. I wonder, in turn are we giving our best to them?

    It is a general topic which was running on my mind while reading those threads, so just posted to know about your views.

    My views are:

    A Biggggg "NO". We are not upto their expectations. We also fail in doing few things. We also ignore few things, we also react greatly for simple things, which evoke a great anger in them. We girls are educated and learnt how to protect our self esteem, but we end up talking FEMINISM. We take advantage of weaker gender too.

    We are not Gods, we are humans and are expected to make errors. We both have their pros and cons. I hope all the marriage will go smooth once we understand and accepts each others pros and cons.
     
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  2. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes we do have weaknesses but taking a feminist stand when required is nothing wrong. Feminism is a broad term,to be precise standing against any evil to women is feminism . there are many aspects like EQUALITY of genders, women education, if basic rights are denied to woman then fighting for it, voicing against domestic violence is all feminism. In general when we are proud to be a woman that itself is feminism. Yes men and woman are equal but the will power and determination in a woman makes her greater. That is why we cherish womanhood . all said there may be cases were men are also victim of certain abuses , yes then it has to be handled by protecting them. When there comes a day of equality of gender then feminism will not be there. In normal families we can say things are good . but still we women face lots more than men.
     
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  3. Sweety82

    Sweety82 Gold IL'ite

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    This is solely my opinion and is not intended to hurt or counteract with others. Yes it is true that we do make errors as we are all just human beings. Basically from DH side, they expect dil or wife to be educated, employed and at the same time they should serve and give respect to in-laws side. OK acceptable. At the same time many of them fail to understand that dil or wife also has parents . It is expected that she should distance herself from her family members after marriage but they want to keep their son with them. This creates a rift in the family and the educated women can't accept this concept ( only daughter family suffers) because nowadays they are also educated employed and have exposure. Those ancient days girls were brought up teaching them that one day they should enter married life and was brought up to serve ppl there. They got trained like this while bringing them up by the parents. But nowadays it is totally different and girls are equally brought up as equal as boys with good education employment and with great exposure. The in-laws expect modern girl(educated employed) with ancient brought up culture (serve them and forget her parents changing herself over a very short period) as per their advantage. In between the two sides, DH is getting stuck. Hope this may be the reason why some marriages fail.
     
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2017
  4. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    I agree with this. In majority cases, the excess expectations are from the wife(and her parents), rather than from husband(and his parents). It's so common nowadays with women performing dual roles- educated and earning hence contributing financially , as well as expected to do all traditional household work on her own while men are forbidden to enter kitchen, produce and take care of children on their own, plus her parents give dowry and gifts throughout because "tradition". The worst part is guy's parents are socially and legally entitled to be taken care of by the couple, but even if a wife is earning as well as taking care of the house, she cannot take care of her parents without earning the wrath of in-laws. Nothing wrong in feminism, and asking to be treated equally & fairly , and with respect.
    I agree we should look at our flaws and improve ourselves, before having giant expectations from husband, but in most cases, it is the opposite really, and sanctioned by Indian society.
     
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  5. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    True. Even in ancient period women just ADJUSTED to the unfavourable envirnoment. They were not happy . No one can be happy if their only duty is to serve others with out much importance.
     
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  6. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    True.
     
  7. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    No human women or men should be abused in any form. That is gender equality. When a woman loves a man , height difference is not the matter. I know of couple in which wife is working and husband is stay at home dad. Hope I am clear. Again I say if a man is abused also , then he should be given justice.
     
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  8. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    I have been supportive to my husband financially, we both have crossed all the hurdles together. I put him first above every relationship. . We have a great marriage because he too respects my feelings with all ups and downs in life , iam sure we will do good to our children too. Best wishes to u. Thanks for giving me an opportunity to tell about me. I respect ur views.
     
  9. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    Indian society needs feminism. If not, we would spend all our lives cooking baingan bharta , cleaning toilets , pleasing FIL,MIL,SIL while our men park their hind - quarters comfortably on our couches with a chai in hand cheering Virat Kohli for hitting a sixer.
     
  10. Sweety82

    Sweety82 Gold IL'ite

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    My husband sarcastically calls me a "liberated woman" because I support feminism. He he... cannot change him .
     
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