Expectations before marriage...Life after marriage

In my case, i had expectations from in-laws like expecting them to take the first-step like how my parents do for me. but,this never happened. later, i realised they are just wanting to keep distance and do not trouble me either. so,i left it there. they just treat me with normal respect ,nothing more than that.
As far as Dh is concerned, i would say not much expectation. since i knew him before marriage too. he showered me with a lot of love /care/affection after marriage,which i did not expect.

I guess too many expectations before marr also kills a marriage . But, we can't live without expectations too :bonk

 

I am very happy, but i had imagined a very different life for myself. Coming from a business background family, i always thought like the rest of my relatives/cousins, i would too marry someone with a business background, and either join his business or be a lavish housewife all decked up all the time Seriously, all my cousins exactly dress up like hindi serial characters all decked up with jewellery and makeup all the time.
And here i am in US, leading a very happy and fulfilling life but with a DH who has a job. We had a love marriage, and i am still very much in love. But instead of a lavish life, i clean bathrooms, do the dishes, go out on hiking/camping, go out on marathons, and i am very independent and strong person due to all these physical activities.

As far as DH, i had imagined a more lovey dovey romantic caring, can get stars from the sky kind of guy. I know my DH loves me as much as i could have imagined, but as far showing lovey-doveyiness i think its way less than what i had imagined.

I miss my previous lifestyle too, but for the most part i like my new lifestyle - simple and sweet.

As far as ILs, i didnt really think that MILs/FILs are so bad. Apart from tv serials, i had never heard/encountered a bad MIL. I thought the world has moved very forward when MILs used to feel insecure with the DILs. I had sincerely and earnestly thought that I will love and respect my MIL/FIL more than my parents, and they would reciprocate in the same manner. I thought my SIL/BIL will be like a good friend or sibling. But all those dreams have been long crashed.

 

Expectations from hubby: I *really* wanted someone with an easy going personality and who would be a great communicator. Let's just say that I found half of what I was looking for!

Expectations from the in-laws: Should treat me like a daughter because I had EVERY intention of treating them like my own parents. Let's just also say that I have since become a whole lot wiser, and rapidly scaled down my expectations to the point where ALL I wanted from them was not parental love and acceptance, but simple understanding and empathy. In the last two years, especially, our relationship is SO much more improved. We're well on our way to becoming friends.

 

I was a child who was very misled by TV!!!!!

I used to think our life as a young couple would be like the Sunrise/Bru/Titan ads! I guess I realized too late that those people in the ads are not real husband/wife and have to put up that act for only 2 minutes :bonk I had never been comfortable with being lovey-dovey and all mushy! But my husband is totally another story! I literally have to beg him for some spontaneity. All the Bru ads were proved wrong very soon

And then there were those Suraj Bharjatya movies! I hated them, but still thought I would be the model dil/sil and would love everyone and be loved back! Now, I am just happy that everyone in my husband's at least likes me (I think!). Though my pils are extremely nice people, they can never take my parents' place!

 

Nice thread..
Husband:He is what I expected from him..Helps me in household work,supports me to build my carrier and never asks for money or anything from me since he is financially very strong.I rarely ask him for anything since he sees to it that I have everything.Though I am working I voluntarily take up few household expenses else no demands...Yeah he loves his family way too much but I have learnt to live with thatI follow a simple policy of live and let live..He is romantic not as much as I am..But its ok
PILs:I never expected anything from them. The only thing I want was peace in my life..No chaos or drama and I have managed to maintain that.If they think I cant get along then I dont disturb them with their opinion at all.In short I dont expect anything so I dont bother.if they stay with me I am as cool as ever.If MIL cooks then well and good else also no issues.Initially I used to try hard to please them but its of no use.Be yourself is what I beleive in nowThey shouted at me during my visit this time..And guess what the same story repeated in their daughter's house..Since then they have been going on as "beta beta" to me..I was not affected then..I am hardly affected now

 

Mmm; let's see!!!

I had to be married within a set time frame given by my bro!!! as he was living in another state and wanted to take my parents along. So I said yes to marrying my hubby without any expectations and not knowing what to expect too.

But Thank God; he turned out to be the perfect one for me. He loves me a great deal and ensures that life for kids & me is comfortable. I would have loved to have a MIL though, but she passes away even before we got married. FIL was staying with us for a while and we got along famously. No SILs as all boys in DH's house.

 

Very Nice Thread!

I dint have much expectations about others though.. Mine was a love marriage and my inlaws were very friendly even before the wedding .. so all rosy rosy about them after the wedding too.

I was seeing a more serious face of my DH after wedding!He expected me to cook where as i was like googling to find out what it was :biggrin2:

First thing that struck me as a disaster was the timings !

I am used to waking up early in the hostel by atleast 6 am and i wouldb e doen iwth my brekfast n leave for office around 7 20am . where as in my new house... it happened to be that every one;s day nbeghins at 7 am and much after that!

Esp my DH wakes up onley after 8 am and i was shocked about his timings...

tried a lot in this 3 years - but started getting accomodated to those timings myself now!..

But for some arguments very often the past one eyar-- which only have let us know better of each other and show more love..

Every thing has been going on Pretty very smooth "touch wood"

 

Expectation from DH - acts independently, romantic personality and ambitious in nature - ended up being opposite in everything.

His expectation from me when we spoke before engagement was that I should be independent - but his definition of independent ( which I realized after marriage) was to be independent in everything except when it comes to his family - i should forget I am an individual and my whole life should be devoted to serving them physically, mentally and financially. unfortunately he got the independent part of me but on everything without exceptions. He is happy and also mentions that I am unbelievably independent and can multitask etc. He is also unhappy that I did not bend over backwards to serve his family. One can't have everything is my reply to him.

Expectations from IL - treat me well as we treat any other human being. We did know their family before marriage and we have seen them talk nicely to others etc, so I thought that is their nature. ended up dealing with 2 different standards - one for DIL and one for the rest of the world.

Swaram

 

Wish DH and PIL had asked the same after marriage


From DH: Should be my best friend and a bit romantic Well,he's my friend but the romance part


PIL: I wanted them to be frank and straight forward. Initially I had a few issues. Then I had an open talk with my MIL once. It worked :thumbsup
But with FIL and SIL it didnt :bonk