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Exhausted And Tired

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by beautifullife30, Jul 12, 2021.

  1. beautifullife30

    beautifullife30 Finest Post Winner

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    Hi sir, thanks for your suggestions. I have been reading these responses but couldnt reply coz i was trying to put these into action.

    I never told him that. Infact, whenever he was stuck, even during isolation, when he had an issue with anything, i was always there. just quoting an example. We had filed for a trademark for the company and the applicaiton was rejected. He was so furious about it he just called and started ranting. I was asleep in the other room and it took few minutes for me to understand what he was talking about. Then i calmly told him its just another hiccup and after the call, found a brilliant patent and trademark specialist lawyer who could help us with the case, spoke to the lawyer, explained the issue. Then i forwarded the same details to my husband.

    I am doing what i can in everyway possible. His reaction to this such as, you didnt proactively ask me for issues, I came and told you feels silly. I mean, he has the access to the company email. Obviously he would receive the first intimation from the trademark department. How can it be my lack of interest is my question?

    Initially it began with name lending. i.e. he needed a partner since he had and still has plans of expanding it, he wanted to start it as a LLP. So i became the designated partner. I helped him chart out what he wanted. He is now negating everything i did so far.

    Yes, i understand that part. What confused me till yesterday was that, i believed in 2 assumptions - 1) that he knew what he was expecting from me 2) I didnt know as much as he knew.

    Yesterday's argument with him broke both those assumptions. He had absolutely no clue about certain things of which i am good in. Ideally this should have been an advantage for us. It became an issue when he started googling about these thing. Ahhh...google. He believes a stupid google over me.

    After reading Rihanna's response, i found a good balance between the two. I am doing my research during office hours when i want to divert my mind or have a few minutes to spare. But what is really baffling me is his assumption that he did everything so far. I mean he is absolutely unable to remember why we ended up doing certain things. Or that i contributed in any manner at all.

    It all started when we landed a client last November. I asked him to continue with his savings account but he wanted a current account. He then proceeded to open a current account with a leading bank and it caused some issues because he didn't have a GSTIN or PAN.

    So then, i researched on setting up of the company and he decided he wanted it as a LLP. Fine. Then I found this company called Indiafilings which helped us set up the company completely. Its been 3 months since the LLP has been incorporated.

    Before setting it up, i clearly told him that once GSTIN comes, he has to file every month irrespective of how much ever he earns or else, if he misses the date, he would be liable to pay fine. His answer then was "Can we pls concentrate on important things than stupid issues like that"

    Then he wanted to look into accounts aspect and set up the his payment and third party payment things. So i contacted my relative CA and his firm is helping us with it.

    His problem now is, you should do enough research about tax holidays and GST exemption. I told him i knew. He just doesnt believe me. Yesterday he kept insulting me saying i am not fit to do this job and this and that. I spoke up told him i was out of the company and that i was done taking crap from him. He then comes back and says, did you know there is a GST exemption unto 20L. Yes, it was there but for firms which have not registered yet.

    He read somewhere in quora that if your earnings are not upto 20L, then he can retract his GSTIN. I mean, seriously? I fought tooth and nail to get a GSTIN number allotted. I spoke to so many people from CGST and SGST to get a GSTIN allotted for this company and now he reads some nonsense and tells me we have to do that.

    My point is either you should know what is to be done or you should listen to people who know. Nothing seems to be entering his head now. He kept boasting about how the govt is giving back GST to people who dont have sufficient earnings, so no need to collect it from the client. Seriously? How do i manage this guy?

    Does he not know how the govt thing works here. Lets say it works, is there any guarantee that he would get his money paid as GST back every month promptly? If I argue that it is a stupid logic, you cant work that way, it is on my head then. "You are not doing enough research, you are not aware of how GST works, you dont know. This is not how a professional should be". Oh god!

    Finally i challenged him to tell me what a tax holiday meant. does tax holiday refer to 30% LLP tax or GST. He is still googling it. I told him initially that we have to consult a CA for this and now he comes back and says, we have to consult a CA for this. I mean really? Is he faking it or he is really swamped with so much work that he cant even realise what he is talking!!

    Yes, i should have done this first time we discussed about the company. But i did it yesterday. I told him that i am not looking to manage the company. I need my own career away from all this. I will lend my assistance only if he is civil and doesn't talk nonsense to me. Otherwise, i dont give a damn.

    I have done all that. I am just waiting for it to enter his head that i am not a machine just another human. I have stopped taking his views or opinions about me and my work seriously. I mean its just views not the ultimate truth.

    But the other which is bothering me is that i seem to have lived an illusion... a lie so far. A lie that my husband knew what he was getting into and what he wanted. Now after yesterday's discussion, i am not so sure. I am afraid that if i lift that curtain that i use as a protection for myself, i might find a guy who is not ready for starting the business. A guy who has no clue how or what is to be done. That is more scary than the other nonsense he talks.
     
    Last edited: Jul 19, 2021
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  2. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Platinum IL'ite

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    This:
     
  3. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    @beautifullife30,

    Thanks for taking time to share all your thoughts one by one in your response. Now I understand fully the gravity of the situation.

    I was proactively stating that you shouldn't say that to your husband that he is not your priority. I didn't mean to say that you had already told him that.

    The problem seems to be much more than him accussing you for not proactively doing something and you not knowing something you should have known. That pattern of his behavior is communicating to you, he lacks that knowledge needed to run an independent business. You may be right in your thinking that he may not be ready to run a business independently without you helping him. If you have no time to spare, it might be a good idea to tell him that he should either manage it himself or with the help of someone else. One need not know everything but should definitely know who to consult on issues in the business. Otherwise, he should get out of the business, cut the losses and move on with a different plan. Now that you have come to that conclusion, it is more important to have this discussion despite his inability to have a honest conversation with you. Not collecting GST might cause serious trouble for him and before he gets into such difficulty, either you have to tell him that or have a professional communicate the risks associated with that. You don't have to go through, mental agony, financial loss and GST department coming after the business, all at the same time.
     
  4. sankara1

    sankara1 Silver IL'ite

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    Wow, you deserve a standing ovation!

    First thing is congratulations on standing your ground.

    Second, please take care of yourself. You need more me time to do daily self care. Especially since you came out of COVID. Wow. Take 5 minutes first thing in the morning to do asanas or a walk.

    Third, have you tried to tell him "I want my space without you making me feel guilty for wanting my space?". Write down the outcome that you want and focus on how to get there. You want him to give you your space and maintain being nice to you and not give you the cold shoulder for that. Write that down. Act out the conversation that you will have with him. Imagine him being acceptable. He doesn't have to agree. He just has to be agreeable.

    Schedule doing it in the next week. BE confident and talk it over.

    Also you may want to start scheduling yourself. Try this:
    https://storybrand.com/downloads/BMSU/hero-on-a-mission/Hero-On-A-Mission-Daily-Planner.zip
     
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  5. beautifullife30

    beautifullife30 Finest Post Winner

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    Thanks dear. I read your comment but was in a hurry and tight situation so couldnt reply earlier. Yes, i could and finally did communicate to him that i needed my space without feeling guilty. Thanks for your wonderful suggestions. It really did help me feel much better and take bold decisions!
     
  6. beautifullife30

    beautifullife30 Finest Post Winner

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    Hi Ratna,

    Thanks for your suggestions! your guesses were spot-on :) I did have a long and drawn out conversation with my husband and we are working out an arrangement! I might not have been able to reply earlier but pls know that your support even via this post made me stronger and feel better! Thanks a ton honey!
     
  7. beautifullife30

    beautifullife30 Finest Post Winner

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    Hey guys!

    Just an update from my end! Thanks all for the wonderful suggestions. Those replies made me feel stronger and bolder like i had a pillar behind me supporting my decisions.

    I spoke to my husband and told him what i felt about the business, my health and everything. Even he calmed down and apologised for talking rudely. So we charted out a plan. Not a hard and fast one but just something to start with.

    He was absolutely honest with me this time and told me its very hard for him to manage everything alone. And that he can't move forward at the pace he wants without my help or any external help.

    I told him i was ready to help provided, my other priorities were cut down. So if i have o osit with him for say 2-3 hours or so, i dont cook and more importantly, i spend 1 hour uninterrupted to do my fav thing of the day, ofcourse embroidery! We ensured to schedule these sessions around the time kids are done with their work and I am done with my work. I have decided to remove my name as a Designated Partner but i told him i would help with the accounts aspect of the business.

    I even negotiated a deal with him. Its only fair that i get compensated for the no. of hours i am putting in. Since i can't draw a salary owing to my MNC job, i have put my mom's name as an accountant and that he has to pay Rs.XXXXX from the month of October. The money paid to my mom is my earning for all the time and effort spent bringing this firm up and that he has no say in what and how it is spent towards. He conceded! I even recorded the conversation and drew an agreement from him lest he goes back on his word! I know it feels silly but tough times call for tough measures!! :smilingimp:

    All said and one, phew...it feels great to be here at this stage and moment, having sorted the issues. I know problems will keep cropping up now and then. But i feel a bit braver and stronger. Thanks to you all Ilites! Your posts meant a lot. I knew i had some support somewhere even if it was in the other side of the world! Keep rocking and thanks again all for your immense support.
     
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2021
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