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Excited Toddler

Discussion in 'Toddlers' started by BDivya, Apr 24, 2018.

  1. BDivya

    BDivya Platinum IL'ite

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    My 4 year old becomes extremely excited/anxious when he goes to others House. He thinks that he can take advantage even in others House and treats as his own.
    He opens fridge and takes chocolate from others House.
    He explicitly asks for eatables esp chocolates from neighbours.
    He runs inside others house from room to room.
    As soon as we go to anybody's House he asks-aunty give me chocolate/biscuit or give me this that.

    All these things he is doing even after our continuous disciplining him/saying him not to behave like this. Whenever we advise him not to ask from others/to behave properly he says ok but repeats everytime.

    Please help out momies who have disciplined their kids successfully.
    Tagging @SGBV @yellowmango
     
    ChennaiExpress and Sandycandy like this.
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  2. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    Couldn’t help replying here, your son sounds so adorable and friendly !
    Would giving him a chocolate before you visit someone help ?
     
    sindmani, CoolPie and shravs3 like this.
  3. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    He takes advantage in his own house? Gets snacks or TV etc on demand? Children thrive on routine and some basic lovingly but firmly enforced rules. At 4 years, they are old enough to have some concept of time. Snack is after "xyz event" is an example.

    Do you think he has the ability to avoid doing the above? Are there occasions when he mostly behaves well?

    Opening fridge and taking chocolate himself -- allowed to do it at home? If so, change that to mom/dad will give chocolate.

    Reading between the lines, looks like chocolates are available more easily than should be for a 4 yr old. Are they used as bride/reward? If so, stop it. If he throws a tantrum or bugs parent long enough, does parent give in and let him have the chocolate?

    Talking but not following up with action won't work with kids so young. I once read in a parenting book long ago: A family was vacationing in Disneyland. 8 or 9 yr old threw a tantrum many hours long and was spoiling the family's vacation. Mother told the child that she is not going to Disneyland the next day if she didn't settle down. Child didn't believe mother would do that. Mother and child stayed in hotel the next day. In another example in that book, a family hired a babysitter to stay in hotel with child.

    Talk to the child, and briefly, calmly, going down to his height and maintaining eye contact, tell him 3-4 to-do's and do not do's. At the other house, if he starts to ask for chocolate/biscuit or running around the rooms, remind him once. If he continues, take him and leave the place. You will need cooperation of the aunty/uncle in the house who should not try to override you and tell child, "come here, I have biscuit for you...." Do this 3-4 times, and his behavior might start to change. It won't be instant or total change. Consistency on your part is important.

    http://seattlelearningcenter.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/123-Magic.pdf is an excellent resource. Just following 2-3 tips from it will also make a difference. Such as avoiding "too much talking", "too much emotion" -- two prime mistakes a harried parent can make. A small excerpt:

    Parents’ big mistake is that they treat children like little adults.
    - They use words to explain things to kids.
    - You can add more talking when they are older.
    - One explanation is fine, repeated explanation gets us in trouble.
    The book by the same name is also worth reading. It is straightforward unlike many parenting books. It divides the problem into two categories: behaviors in child that parent wishes to stop, behaviors in child that parent wishes to start. Gives simple methods to work on the start and stop behaviors.

    All that being said, also look into are there other reasons for this behavior.
     
    Amica, Sunburst, pinkRoseBud and 5 others like this.
  4. BDivya

    BDivya Platinum IL'ite

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    He is so obsessed with chocolates that even after eating 2 chocolates he will cry and demand for 2 more on the same day or same time.
    I feel bad guilty worse saying this, he behaves as of I don't provide him food.
    One day when my mom took him to a house he went ahead and told the aunty-I'm hungry I want to eat rice. I don't know how to express my pain here when I came to know he said like that. He was fully fed with idlies and milk before he left the house. So he can't be hungry. And when the aunty offered some biscuits he replied- I don't want. I want chocolate.
    @Rihana I'm replying here for u too.
    I thought that may be I'm very much strict and not giving him enough chocolates so I tried giving him chocolates and lollipops whenever he asked for it. Thought that this will stop his craving/anxiety for chocolates. But din't help.
    My main concern is he thinks that if anyone is having chocolates then it's his right to demand it from them. He doesn't think that they are not his parents to give him, he takes the Liberty to ask others. He doesn't think it as a Shame to ask from others. He thinks if mummy is not going to give me then I will get it from any random person who has it.

    I want to teach him the difference, he should not take Liberty from others by asking for
    things, running into others House and jumping everywhere in others House. Plus his tantrums/demand to get things and to watch cartoon in phone. For both the things he cries his lungs out until we give in. Everytime I can't let him cry for long periods right, as a mom? Dunno if I'm sounding reasonable!
     
  5. sokanasanah

    sokanasanah IL Hall of Fame

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    Your son is not alone!
    Enjoy this phase, for it will pass soon enough.:lol:
     
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  6. GeetaKashyap

    GeetaKashyap IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear @BDivya,

    I can very well understand what you are going through. Believe me, motherhood is an elevator to wisen you up. You have to learn to set limits with your child and as Rihana's post suggested, at times you have to really get strict and show them you mean what you say.

    Children always know how to embarrass parents. A kid known to me refused to eat her snacks at Play-school. When the teacher questioned, the child very creatively said, 'We don't have lunch at home and I will eat it then!' My son was always a picky eater and habitually I used to bring this up with all my close relatives and friends desperately looking for some advises and tips. Once when a close relative came home for dinner, we encouraged our son to sit with the guest and have dinner. To our utter embarrassment, he overate so much and that too so well without spilling a grain of rice that I was left speechless and defenseless!

    Get rid of all the chocolates ASAP. Let him see the empty fridge and shelves. Don't take him out when you go shopping and instruct whomever you visit to not pamper the child and break your discipline. It may sound harsh but just in a matter of a couple of days, these behaviours come under control. You then decide how much leeway you would like to give. Your control should be such that the child should not ask or accept anything from anyone including the grandparents. This control is also essential for the child's safety. Catch his attention and with a direct and firm gaze explain him the rules. He will easily learn to obey. It may be a bit stressful for a couple of days but it will soon settle.

    You may start a reward system for his good behaviour but give some creative reward other than what you are already trying to wean him from. Let him learn to associate positivity with some thing else.

    Hope you are not with interfering in-laws who oppose what you try to implement.
     
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  7. BDivya

    BDivya Platinum IL'ite

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    I tried by talking firmly with gaze fixed on him and at the same time not scolding him that he should not always ask for chocolate be it at home or others House and to my surprise it is working a bit, I guess!
    He don't ask for anything the next time my mom took him out though the duration was less as he asked for chocolate to my mom and not the aunty!
    Guess this is my starting achievement towards discipling him!!
    Hope he becomes completely good boy soon..
     
  8. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    Oh.. Noo... don't worry.
    You are not alone. This phase will make you laugh a couple of years later when you are stressed and busy with your kid's schooling stuff and homework. So, cherish his childhood.
    Each kid is different, and unique on their own way.
    Your son has this habit, and my one has something else. We, as mothers will never stop worrying and feeling miserable for this kind of behaviors of our kids.
    This is just a phase. This too shall pass.
    Don't overly discipline this young child in order to ensure he is inline with the so called social standards. Don't worry too much about what your relatives and neighbors have to say about his behavior.
    Of course, there will be some experts to comment on your "poor" parenting style and all that. Just don't pay any attention to them.
    Some parents try to be too strict on their young kids for others, but I don't suggest that here. Go with your instinct.

    I remember once when my son was 3 or 4 yrs old, we took him to one of my mom's friend's home. Before going there, he demanded for milk, but that was not his milk time. So, I casually told him that we will be anyway offered some tea at XYZ aunty's place na, so don't bother.
    The aunt casually asked whether we would like to drink tea or coffee just like a formal question. To which me and my mom said "No, not needed as we have just had our coffee at home". I know, we lied, because we didn't feel comfortable to demand a tea/coffee or even to say YES immediately after her request. It was kinda fuss or some fake reply, usually every guests say. But the hosts will demand again that we drink/eat something at their place. It happens, and hope you can relate to it.
    But my son started to cry loud, and said... "mom, you only told that I will be offered some tea at this aunt's place, and that's why you refused to give my milk at home. Now why are you lying that we had our tea already? Then what about my milk?
    We felt really embarrassed, but managed as that aunt knows all about kids.

    But today, we remember this incident and make fun of it.
     
  9. BDivya

    BDivya Platinum IL'ite

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    I can understand how embarrassing it would had been..
    I'm going with whatever my mind says these days and seeing quite a difference in him. I'm wondering if this sudden change in behaviour or demanding fir attention had creeped in because of his brother who is just born and may be we all are giving way too much attention to the little one and not this Toddler
     
  10. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    First of all congratulations on the birth of your second son.

    If you are giving too much attention to the little one, then that's not right.
    Toddlers do not have the mental maturity to understand this and accept it. They might feel jealous, upset, sad and insecure about the fact that someone else has replaced their place in their mommy's heart.
    They don't act like adults by playing tactfully for their insecurity. The result of their insecurity is such tantrums, and unwanted behaviors to seek attention.
    The more you give attention to their messed up behavior, the more they repeat it.
    So, ignore their behavior while giving them more attention than before.
    They will slowly calmed down
     

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