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Ex Stalking Me

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by jmsd, Jan 3, 2021.

  1. jmsd

    jmsd Silver IL'ite

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    Ladies!I am very anxious right now!
    I had posted a post about my ex a couple of months back.I am putting it here to put things in perspective.
    He tried to contact me.I blocked him.
    Now since December he is trying to contact my husband (they are in the same business) and is already on his Facebook.
    That's how I came to know.
    I am super creeped out right now.
    Unable to think straight.
    I have created a very happy life for my family.
    I can't have it ruined by a person who broke my heart earlier too.
    How do I deal with this situation?
    Help please!
    I am too tense to think right now.

     
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  2. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Do you think you could come clean to your husband about your past? Pre-empt your ex's effort at ruining your life and let him know from you first. Do you think your husband would be reasonable and understand?
     
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  3. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    This all happened before both of you got married to your current partners, right? I would let your husband know even if it causes some discomfort. Then you can call your ex’s bluff.
     
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  4. jmsd

    jmsd Silver IL'ite

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    This is reasonable advice.
    It would mature as well as convenient to do it.
    But as much as a good guy my husband is he is extremely sensitive too.
    I have build a a very beautiful relationship block by block.
    Right now things are perfect.
    Can't risk it.
     
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  5. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    That is precisely the fact that might help. You need to help him see the fact that after that story was over, you gave yourself heart and soul to building a meaningful relationship with him and have never looked back. Give him time to reflect and show him that if he does not stand steadfast by your side, there is a guy out there trying his best to destroy your family. Let him reflect if that is what he wants.

    It would be far worse if he found out from outside.
     
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  6. amunique

    amunique Gold IL'ite

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    @jmsd do you have any proofs of your past relationship with that ex? if not just say that you have nothing to do with him and there is nothing that happened. and just brush it off like silly. ?what do u think?
     
  7. jmsd

    jmsd Silver IL'ite

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    No there are no proofs.We were classmates with intense feelings for each other.
    Used to sit together in our classes.
    In the end he backed out and ghosted me.
    I confronted him ,he lamented about his family.
    That's all.
    So there's nothing like stuff which should be admitted to my husband.
    But this behaviour of stalking through my husband is very creepy and scaring me.
    I haven't known the person for 20years.
    God knows what kind of person is he now and what kind of damage he can do.
     
  8. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    If there is nothing to be worried, why are you so concerned. What did he say when he contacted you? May be he just want to get an idea on how you are doing. You have blocked him. If there is no obvious issues, then its better not to talk about this to your husband because it can lead to trust issues. If your dh asks anything, you can tell him that he was your classmate and want to get married to you and it didn't work. Also you didn't have any idea about him for the last 20 years. If there is no blackmailing or other issues, its better to leave it as it is.

    Or convey to your husband that his presence as Facebook friend, make you uncomfortable because of the above reason and you want him to be removed from the list. Its up to you to decide. If you are worried
    about it for whatever reasons, then communicate your confusion to husband.But prepare well before you do that.

    Good that you give him the message that you dont like to have any contact ( I think its a right decision from your side) by blocking him. Limit your Facebook privacy settings to only friends, not friend of friends. Focus on your married life.
     
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2021
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  9. winterhue

    winterhue Gold IL'ite

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    Which is exactly why you should tell your husband and be honest with him.
    Imagine if he hears it from him about your past. If I were your husband , I would rather hear it from you than this other guy. And like you say, if there is an evil plan from the other guy's side, all is moot if your husband knows everything.
     
  10. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    You are giving this too much of importance. He isn’t your ex first of all. A guy who sat next to you in class and ghosted you later doesn’t qualify as an ex. It’s just a girlhood crush.

    Only you can gauge how your husband will take this info. Some men don’t want to think of the school and college crushes we’ve had and make a big deal out of nothing. Some men don’t make it a big deal.

    If you want to tell him, you need clarity on how to put it forth. Why now, for example will be a question he will have.
    I would just see if an opportunity arises to bring it up, if I were in your situation. The guys profile pops up on FB and I show it to DH and say “Look!!. My college crush shows up on fb’s friend recommendation. This algorithm of FB is scary. We were in the same class 23 years ago and never were in touch after and this algorithm still figured out we were class mates. Raj, we need to seriously think about quitting FB. This algorithm is spooky. I can’t believe how friends suggestions come from people I’ve not know existed for 23 years”.
    The crush will be conveyed without it being a big deal.
     
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