Ex moving to my city!

preethivignesh · Nov 28, 2013

Irukaratha vittutu parakarathukku asai padathey...

Iamagoodgirl · Nov 28, 2013

I think you are craving for that teenage excitement ,fun you had with this guy once.Just like you he has grown up and even if you go out with him you might not have same excitement you had before.
I think its high time you keep your kids at your moms place and go for a movie or small vacation with your H.You need change,carefree time and lot of laugh.

Hyral · Nov 28, 2013

The one who falls into such a mess unknowingly can be explained and brought back to track...but in ur case u urself knows its a red flag to get excited and longing to meet EX.

JMO... I believe what is a need to meet EX even as a friend? coz no matter u admit or not...EX can never become that casual friend coz once upon a time emotions of love were attached between two..

I will suggest avoid meeting him coz , today you are craving to meet him tomorrow u will die to meet him often and than god forbids...hope no more unwanted cravings comes up...hope u understand ...

Dont spoil ur married life...just look at ur husband and to bring ur mind back to ur family life simply think on all good deeds done by ur DH for u, his love for u and ur love for him , all the good times u shared

I know easy to say and tough to follow own self...but believe me...its not worth to go with such cravings coz you are not only going to add mess to ur happy family life but also to ur EX's family life..

Surely, you wont like the concept of ur DH meeting his EX. so it goes with u as well.

All i can say is stop talking to him over phone ...if you are bored of ur same old routine than spend some time for urself like hobbies, shopping chatting with ur friends of school or college times...apart from ur EX u must be having other friends too...talk to them coz life is so busy after marriage that we dont get time to talk to friends...apart from that look forward in giving new look to ur relationship with ur DH..

Please calm urself and pls be careful in making that 1 mistake which can lead u to more mess....

again its JMO....at the end u would do what you really want to...

varah · Nov 28, 2013

Dear OP,

Only one thing, would you like if your DH meets up with his ex-gf? no, right. Just keep safe distance with hi's - bye's and just remember that there is "no future for you" with him. Do not meet that person in private. If at all you meet, it should be with your H. Also, please do let him know that you are happy and safe in your hands of your DH (which i hope is true too).

I would recommend you to watch the movie, "Last night", the heroine will be in kinda similar situation you are in.

rachaputi · Nov 28, 2013

Be practical, dont get filmy thoughts.. You know clearly that can spoil you life..

So, choose what can be best to you.. Just meet both families to keep your thoughts in control.

When you want to stop one bad habbit, you should announce it publicly..

Maddy2087 · Nov 28, 2013

A wonderful recipe for disaster bie1

NamasteIndia · Nov 28, 2013

I feel so sorry for the OP's husband. Poor innocent fellow has no clue that his wife is cheating on him emotionally. I truly wish from the bottom of my heart that the OP ends up having a physical affair with this other guy and her husband finds out so he can move on to better things in life. Not only is this woman cheating on her husband she is in fact cheating on her kids as well. How will the children react when they learn that their mother has feelings for someone other than their father?

Laks09 · Nov 28, 2013

preethivignesh said: ↑

Irukaratha vittutu parakarathukku asai padathey...
Click to expand...

^^This! A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Don't give up the one in hand and desire for the ones that are flying about out there.

sunshinegaljuhi · Nov 28, 2013

Hi!

Thank you all for your thoughts and suggestions. Of course when I posted I did realise that this is such a controversial topic. But I am so impressed that most of you have not bashed me but given such great responses.

Please know that I am just an ordinary woman working day and night for my family. I am not mad to mess up my family life or hurt anyone. I would never even think of having an EMA. I am niether so selfish or brave. I do love my family and would protect their happiness with all I have.

But what i wanted to share with all of you was my confusion regarding my excietment to meet my ex again. It does not mean I will start anything with him. I just have so many things left to tell him. If any of you have ever been in love and have had to part suddenly, you would maybe understand the feeling. There is so much to say, to clear up, to close a chapter that has been left open so long. I want a closure to my feelings. Yes, my heart was broken many years ago and i need to understand what happened. Can i please do so without so much guilt? Or being judged?

Btw my DH knows everything. I share everything with him, sometimes more than necessary. I know he will help me with this. But the more i think about it the more i feel being family friends with my ex is not a good idea. For one, it will be a greater pretence than anything. I really do not want to share recipies over a cup of tea with my ex's wife (particularly when she knows everything about us as she was ex and my good friend long back). I do not want my dh to have strained conversation with my ex and lastly, imagine how awkward it will be for me!

And if we meet alone? Say at a coffee joint or something. I will have to tell my dh and go. And i cant handle my dh sitting at home and wondering how my meeting is going (so filmy na?) so even my plan to meet alone is bad one.

Last option, never to meet him. As some people have suggested - have self control, focus on dh, go for vacations, go to dine out!! OMG, since when have vacations and dining out and deep concentration on your spouse ever helped with forgetting what you really want to forget (even memories of MIL's last jab doesnt get erased this easily)! The more we think "no no dont do it" the more we will think about it. I dont want to obsess about this (its not worth it) and want to get over it.

I do hope you understand what I mean. Once again, what to do?

KP55 · Nov 29, 2013

sunshinegaljuhi said: ↑

...I do hope you understand what I mean. Once again, what to do?
Click to expand...

Umm.. you agree that everything you said is a bad idea but then you end it with this statement. You will go see him, regardless of what we tell you here.

You might think you are not having an EMA but by the technical defenition of it, you are. Look up "emotional affair" or go to "life without spouse" section and read DK's thread. You are cheating your husband because you really are not telling him the truth of why you want to see him so badly. Try rephrasing what you have told your husband and say something like this... "I REALLY REALLY want to see him; My heart jumps at the thought of him; I have so many things I want to say to him. I'm SOO EXCITED that he is going to live in this city. So can I go visit him?"

Then see his reaction and post back in this thread.