Ex moving to my city!

sunshinegaljuhi · Nov 27, 2013

Hi!

I just realised that I am in an awful mess and I need help!

I must start from the beginning. My ex and I were childhood friends and somewhere along the way we fell in love. He was my first love and i really loved him a huge lot for many many years. Thirteen years ago, we once had a big fight and broke up. I remember I was hurt when I found out after few months that he had started another relationship with a mutual friend. (she even called me up to say sorry)

For the next five years my ex and I met off and on. I had moved to another city for studies and it was not really by accident that we kept meeting. My ex often had excuses or work in my city. BUT i kept it to friendship. We never crossed the line.

Life went on, he told me he was marrying that girl. Same year I too got married. Since last seven years we have never met (ie after marriage). We both have children now and are well settled. However we always kept in touch over phone. We spoke rarely, sometimes only once or twice in the year, but yes we have always kept in touch. It is formal talk, just general news exchange.

And today he told me he is moving to my city! I must confess I was very happy at first to hear this news. I wanted to meet him, chat for hours, try all those restaurants we normally never go to, watch movies and laugh...and suddenly i realised what is this? Have i gone crazy? Do i want to spoil my married life? Am i still in love with him? Or is this some crazy thirty something tired mom dying to go back to those lovey dovey first love days?

What do i do? I really want to meet him and also i am constantly wondering if he is as excited about meeting me too? ( i dont know how exactly he feels - as i have steared clear of any emotional discussion for a long time now) Should i meet him with family so that there is no secrecy (my dh and his wife - we all know each other and will be an uncomfortable lot) but still if we insist they will meet and at least there wont be any secret meetings.

Ok, i know its aweful. I wish i did not want to meet him so much, i wish our memories were washed away, i wish i could forget my first love, i wish i were the ideal good girl who did not feel as torn and miserable and guilty as I feel right now. Its not that i do not love my DH but my feelings for my ex is just there - you cant stop that feeling forcibly right ?

Please advise my confused heart what i should do. Thanks.

Swasha · Nov 27, 2013

From your Post i understand that he cheated on you or dumped you. If I am right then how come you got an heart to be in touch with that person all these years who cheated on you.

anika987 · Nov 27, 2013

"Or is this some crazy thirty something tired mom dying to go back to those lovey dovey first love days?"

The above could very well be one of the reasons plus People want to spice up their wedding life as u get very comfortable with ur spouse after a while.That does not mean one needs to have an affair!

U meeting him could lead to one! BEWARE!!If u ask me,cut him out of ur life for good.

sumathikp · Nov 28, 2013

Yes, even i agree with Swasha..You have a wonderful family, take care of it..

Thanks & Regards,
Sumi.

Radhai · Nov 28, 2013

kingkong1 said: ↑

I feel pity for ur Innocent husband...
Click to expand...

shh.. crush, fling, flirt, ema etc are always abt the poor women and the predator men, remember? husbands can wait.

Mylifeatusa · Nov 28, 2013

I don't know what to tell you .... You seems to be pretty much know that what you want to do is wrong and its not good for your family.

Go for a vacation for 10 days with your husband and spend good time with him.

Everything will change after that.

Sai3A21 · Nov 28, 2013

Think of it as just a passing thought and ignore (and do not feel guilty of getting such thought as its verymuch human unless u act upon it). If you both can meet (you with ur DH and ex with his wife) with families it would be good for both of you.

Have to appreciate Sanjay Leela Bhansali for scripting the excellent ending of "Hum dil de chuke sanam"

Anitap · Nov 28, 2013

Sunshine will get eclipsed.

KP55 · Nov 28, 2013

Meet him but make sure your husband is there with you too; and so is his wife. Its a good thing you came on this forum for some advice some women would come here with a sad story after few 'meetings'.

You are asking for trouble if you meet him and if you really have such strong feelings for him. If you love your married life, use this moment to re-kindle your married life with your husband. Book some nice vacation or a trip to various restaurants that you like to visit. Create fresh new memories with your husband.

I hate to say it but you are already involved in an emotional affair with your ex. And something tells me that you find your current state of the marriage to be 'boring'

Get out of this mess and wake up before it gets out of hand and you are on this forum with a tearful story. There is not good ending to this if your behavior continues.

Here is the rule of the thumb when it comes to these situations:
If you do anything that you wouldn't do in front of your spouse, then thats cheating.

I will also add, do you know how many people live in the same cities as their exes? I think about 90%. You are not the only one

cinderella06 · Nov 28, 2013

sunshinegaljuhi said: ↑

. I wish i did not want to meet him so much, i wish our memories were washed away, i wish i could forget my first love, i wish i were the ideal good girl who did not feel as torn and miserable and guilty as I feel right now. Its not that i do not love my DH but my feelings for my ex is just there
Please advise my confused heart what i should do. Thanks.
Click to expand...

Hi OP, if you stop the urge to meet him and concentrate in your current life, all this guilt will run away soon from your mind.