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Everyone needs love isnt ?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by manu2345, Mar 23, 2010.

  1. Foundlove

    Foundlove Gold IL'ite

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    I definitely agree to both Srividya and Tridev.

    I had a crappy marriage and tried to fix it (therapy,left twice,strangers in same house) nothing worked.Finally I left..It was hard but very liberating.My DS has a better life now.We have joint custody and ex used to give me hard time but have settled down now.

    NEVER stay for kids because you will teach them wrong image of marriage.

    FL.
     
  2. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Soni

    You know what to do! But you finding reasons and examples to be in the marriage is also upto you! every case may not be like what you saw in your friend/neighbours example. Just like every marriage is not success story, every divorce may not be a bad or flop story. There are people who grew out of it.

    Moreover why even talk about divorce, just move to a near by apt or go on a vacation for couple of months and let this man feel the absence of kid and wife at home. He has to know the importance of a family. He has to understand that his threats would be taken seriously. If he is willing to remarry let him, however no court would give full custody to him isnt it? his new wife would ensure to kick his first wifes' kids out of her house..did you ever answer him back with this point??? or wont he have kids again in second marraige :)

    Manu dear!! I am not trying to divert your thread...but pls read through the lines and come up with what your thoughts are on this! Dont keep thinking of divorce/separation...try to find a amicable solution where you too wont get hurt and the kids future is safe.
     
    Last edited: Mar 25, 2010
  3. Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

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    I agree to your thoughts, definitely there is lot of value to what you wrote.

     
  4. Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

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    Sonika its very strange, your husband would remarry if you divorce, but for 3 years he is not getting love, sex from his wife, what is he holding for? why would he remarry? what kind of companionship he is getting right now that he would miss after divorce?

    Its too confusing.. To some extent when parents remarry esp the one who has custody can be challenging for child to live with step parent, but if the other half is not having custody but visitation right, it would not make sense to live a bachelor life while kid is staying somewhere . There may be impact on kids either way, parents live together are not happy, there is impact, parents divorce kids will impact, parents are arguing, fighting , kids will impact

    If kid live alone with parent, and none of them remarry, how much difference is it going to make the kid who is not staying with remarried parent, visiting for sometime and staying for few days is not as staying together.....

    It is difficult proposition either way, an adult cannot live a bachelor life after seperation, forever. Its tough
     
  5. vatsadave

    vatsadave New IL'ite

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    Sonika, I agree with both Tridev and Srividya. And I say that because I have first hand experience. I come from a family where my parents stayed together just for the sake of me and my brother. My dad is a lovely man, but for some reason, my mother never liked him. On occasions, my mum wanted a divorce, but my dad refused because of the kids. On good days, my mom would be courteous to my dad, on bad days, they had terrible fights, or just not talk at all. You could cut the tension in the house with a knife. My parents were both so busy dealing with their own emotional issues all the time, they never had any time to pay attention to the emotional needs of me or my brother.

    I grew up with really screwed up ideas about life and relationships in general. And you know what? Today, both my and my brother have grown up and have our own families, but we both agree that we would have been better off not growing up in the toxic environment that we grew up in.

    Kids are smart Sonika, and they realise the truth very quickly. As long as you are honest with your child and explain to he/she why mum and dad are not together anymore, they understand it. Dont use the child as a pawn in power games, and the child will definitely be better off growing up in an environment where the child enjoys the love of both parents, but separately.
     
  6. Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

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    Vatsadave, thanks for sharing your experience, when I was a kid, I was being taken to a restaurant for dinner by my cousin sister and her husband, they always used to fight at least I saw them that way, they never had a good life , in auto they fought on which restaurant to go, one is saying here other is saying there, both started using F word, I still remember, I was very young, at that time I used to think why do husband wife fight, they are supposed to live for each other, love each other, why do they abuse, I never understood as a child, as a grown up now I understand personalities , temperament, social background, etc plays a big part in relationship. Kids want a serene atmosphere a nice one to come up at least in home they live in, and not abusive, temperamental .
     

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