Ever faced discrimination as a daughter

After seeing this thread, couldn't resist posting my experience. My bro used to get priority in everything starting from clothes to good school etc. When I wanted to study engineering, and at the same time my bro is also preparing for entrance, my father said, he can afford for only one person education, and that would be boy. And not a girl. Unfortunately, my bro too couldn't do engineering, and jumped into commerce stream. So, I completed my science graduation, later on prepared for PG entrance. Luckily this time, my bro dropped off to go for higher education. I was very stubborn to go for higher studies, so my father had no other choice but to join me, but for this also other relatives told, "Anyway, higher education is required now-a-days, as bride grooms are asking for educated girls only" ., As if the only aim for a girl should be only to get married. Nothing else. My father used to tell me it is ok for him even if his daughter works as a clerk. But he wants his son to be engineer. Now, after I settled very well, and in a position of not expecting anything from parents, they are proud to tell everyone that their daughter is well settled. Sometimes it really pinches that before they were not at all ready to think of my higher studies also, but now, they are proud to tell everyone. Anyway, they are parents, and they want to see their children in good position, whatever they thought was just the trend in that generation. Can't blame anyone.

 

My mom treated both me and my bro equally... Whenever we needed her, she was there to support us... My dad on th other hand, loved me more than my bro... Even if I did anything wrong, my bro would be beaten up... I love my bro a lot n I tell my dad not to treat him tht way, but still he does... Not tht he hated my bro, just tht my dad loved me more... My bro also knows tht n he s happy tht my dad loves me so much... Both me n my bro love each other a lot n my parents are happy tht we love n care for each other a lot... My dad used to get me anything n everything tht I wished for, it was my mom who had to get everything for my bro... N now I too get him all tht he wishes for 'coz he s my one n only sweet lil bro...

My dad openly admits tht he loves me a bit more than my bro n th reason he quotes s all th dads love th eldest kid th most in th family n mom loves th youngest th most... But my mom used to argue with him saying tht it's just for u n does not apply for all dads... .... Education wise, we were made to study what we liked.... My parents wanted both of us to do engg, but I was not interested, but my bro did engg... N when he got placed through campus in one of th best IT companies in India just two months back, my dad was th happiest man in th world...

 

I am really pained by what some of the women had to go through... We, on the other hand, were shown no discrimination.. We are just two sisters, and my parents were always pitied by my aunts.. (my dad's sisters). My eldest aunt would keep telling my dad that he was not to spend a lot of money on giving us professional education as it would be wasted. She would always tell my dad that he should adopt my youngest aunt's second son, to carry on their 'father's' name... But my parents never listened to all that crap.. Our mom was very particular that we girls can be independent, and be firm.. She always tells us never to be 'doormats' to anybody. Our dad always says that he is very proud of his two girls.. If anyone asks him if he is ever upset that he does not have sons, he says, he has two lovely daughters and two lovely sons (in-law)... Our mom, on the other hand is very proud of her two little girls are now strong women who can take on the world on their own.. She is instrumental in us getting professional degrees. When I was admitted to an expensive school, her cousin's husband (our neighbour) said that it would be difficult to put me through that as my mom is not college educated.. That day she made a pledge that she would make me an engineer and show him that one need not be college educated to make sure that their children can get good degrees.. And on the day of my convocation, she took my certificate and my medal to show him.. I had never seen her with so much pride. She did the same after my sis graduated.. And I am so thankful for such lovely parents... Recently we celebrated our father's 60th birthday. A friend's dad said that he was curious to see how we would conduct the function as there are no sons in the family. He was bowled over, and apparently told my bro-in-law that he wished his daughters would do the same for him too!! That was a really proud moment for the 4 of us!!

Mythili

 

Mythili,

Loved the way you write. This one just caught my eye. I'm the youngest of the 2 daughters, and my sister is already married. When I was sent to the USA to do my Masters, my dad had to literally fight our entire clan, to make sure I got what I wanted!! And me and my sister took care of our dad's 60th bday celebration, all by ourselves! And our relatives were bowled over! My parents were gloating with pride, and you mentioning that just took me back to that day!! Where, my dad's friend came over to the stage, took me and my sister away, and said, I wish I had daughters like both of you. And today in the morning, when I was talking to my dad about his control on vella cheedai on karthigai deepam, he told me, that both me and my sister have made him so damn proud! And he has never felt so good. He was telling me how he bragged about me to my grandfather. My mom's parents always thought I was the rebel child, who can never take care of a 'home', and could not believe how I took care of my parents by myself, when they came over to visit me!


PS: Mythili, your posts are so warm, and so resembles my family, that I couldnt resist replying to your post!

 

SSC,

Thank u so much for ur comments...

I think a sort of stigma used to be attached to those without sons, and now as another poster pointed out, many people are openly saying that they need to have daughters. Come what may, certain trends will never change for a long time (a bi.......g sigh). Reading through some of the posts is painful.. But when I think back, my paternal grandmother had shown quite a bit of discrimination when my dad and his sisters were growing up. She would say that because finances were tight, we decided not to send your aunts to college. My eldest aunt was not interested, she found a job and was happy. My second aunt did get admission, but she was not sure. My third aunt, well that is another story . When my father offered to quit at the end of his degree to find a job (without pursuing his CA), my grandfather opposed it.. Maybe my aunts did feel left out in not being given any opportunities and always took it out on us, when we were given all the advantages by our parents. My grandfather's comment was, 'I did the best I could for them.. even if they had completed their degree and found jobs, they could not have contributed to the family, once they got married. On the other hand, your father could. If your aunts had insisted on pursuing their studies instead of being plain lazy and enjoying themselves, I would have definitely done it for them too!'.. Dont know what to say..

Mythili

 

great topic have been seeing this kind of discrimination in a no. of families..but not in mine...
allways had equal freedom like my bro did. we r two sisters n a bro. he is youngest.so obviously got pampered by all of us.our parents gave us all equal freedom like in case of education, choosing a career, regarding marriage as i had a love marriage n thy were absolutely ok with it.
i m the one who believes that whether boy or girl both r equally children of parents so thy have equal share of parents love n responsibilities towards tehir parents, bgut yes i hv seen girls who want everything in equal to their bro but when it comes of holding their parents responsibilities thy just shed of that on their bro n walk away saying thy r girl..PURELY DOUBLESTANDARDS...

 

Okay, now I have to say it here... My paternal grandmother was a darling... I have a lot of fond memories of her, and I was extremely attached to her... Her background...

Studied up to 5th grade.. Lived in a village up to 60 years of her life. Moved to a city, when my parents got married, and set up a house in the city... was partially deaf since she was 40, and was fully deaf when she was 80... She is my only example for the term "Being forward"!! Her thoughts were so forward for her generation, that it still baffles me...

She would not let me and my sister dress up in salwar suits. She would force us to wear skirts and pants, and stuff that made us look young...
She would read the newspaper diligently everyday, and followed politics...
She loved sports, and followed cricket and tennis (will not even miss a 5-day test match..)
She was all up for education, and would always tell my dad that me and my sister should both come up as professionals, and emphazise on the importance of Master's degree...
She would constantly watch for gold and silver prices, and give my dad a few tips about investing in gold/silver...
When my sister was having an arranged marriage, her tips to help my sister talk to guys was just amazing!!

I could just go on and on about her... And I want to say this, she did not have an intestine for almost 15 years, and survived with a mesh with severe diet restrictions!!! She is a survivor... And my dad, learning from such a mother, was but nothing short of liberated women!! He loves his girls so dearly, and we were never discriminated... In this day and time, it is shocking to read about women being discriminated!!

Thanks, IP again, for reminding me about my granny... I went back to the good old days...