Ever faced discrimination as a daughter

Hi Foundlove,

This is what often upsets me. God knows I have my own issues with my MIL - and she, with me - but I would never ever prevent her from seeing her grandkids and / or not be there for my PILs even when they are ill.

So, it is really hard for me to fathom how some men can completely fail to remain neutral and not help their parents even during times of need, or, help them to spend time with the grand-kids just because the wives don't get along with their mothers. Kids are kids - whether they are sons or daughters and it must be really hard on your relatives to get such bad treatment from their adult sons. Did you ever consider talking to these men and / or letting them see how much this must be upsetting their parents?

I'm wondering if this is why we are now seeing a reverse discrimination trend with parents of our generation openly wanting ONLY daughters and not sons?

 

Count me in!!!
Yes, I too felt discrimination but may be dont know if its foolishness at early age. But, when need araises, parents supported both of us(me and my brother). After my achievements and independant living, now they agree. Now, they are with me taking care of my son. But sometimes I still feel deep in my heart, they have shown discrimination that time.
But a boy means a lot to the family who can carryout Surname forever and need to perform last rights to parents. That may be the reason for showing unconditional love!!!

 

Dear Malyatha,
I agree...its really sad. I am the youngest in all cousins since my mom is the youngest daughter. My cousins are all at least 6-7 yrs older than me.

I did talk to one of them once. He is 17 yrs older than me. (what was I thinking) His mom was sick ( fell down and broke her shoulder)and all they did was hire 3 maids. They live right accross the street. I asked him openly, why can't you bring aunty here to your house? He kept quiet and his wife said.. "you don't know anything, you don't live here, you come to visit only. She will make our lives hell and we will end in divorce"

I felt really bad. Since I was single at that time , I volunteered to stay nights there. Can you imagine that same cousin and his wife started saying..." O she wants to get hold of property and jewels from aunt by being nice.." I returned with a heavy heart and never interfered from then on wards.

I also feel 'You reap as you sow'. These cousins were brought up like that. Their parents never cared for my grandparents. They were very selfish and even swindled their own Siblings. They saw their mom never taking care of their Grandparents so maybe thought its ok. I feel really sorry for them. I make sure to call them and visit them when I go there.

My parents have moved closer to my sister now. So I hardly get to visit but its a sad situation.

Thats why I have made it a point to be nice to my parents as well as DH's parents.

FL

 

This is v v true, by default kids follow their parent's practise unless they get re-modelled or over controlled.
Some families have annual family visit concept when living away.. and for some its only Annual tourism.. or probably every holiday = tourism. I'm the only one who shall book tickets for annual family visit for both the places... whilst DH feels that tourism is a better option anyday... even during family visits am the only one left at home at both places and he's just visiting tourist locations.

FL, the case you mentioned I've also witnessed a few around me.. both v v strong personalities (DIL/ MIL) and totally isolated as the only solution to create so called LOC and not tread over each other. Yes the older one is to be pitied for sure to be left alone in this age... but also is true that those characters were truly unbearable and preferred to make their DILs as doormat the way it was in olden days given an opportunity.

Priya_Mommy
But a boy means a lot to the family who can carryout Surname forever and need to perform last rights to parents.

Priya yes in those days it was a major concern... and maybe today as well for few, still the overall conditions for a girlchild is far better these days as our generation is able to prove that lot many of us can be financially independent and also take care of parents.

 

Parents have a big influence, so the above is very true. Agree.


But once you become an adult, hopefully one can set their own path even if parents set a wrong example.

 

Yes,Count me too not as parents but my dad did and does....
My dad kept nagging saying that I have to so all the household chores because I am girl:rant..Hearing this I feel like banging my head :bonkso hard...even if I did he will find faults at the age of 9-10..
How will I know to do it perfectly like him at that age???Still I dont understand...
i was not allowed to do Engineering because I am girl and girls profession is teaching.How sickkkk..But my God granted my wishes though I could not do Engineering..I did professional course and today voila Im an S/w Engineer..Whatever we study our designation counts right:thumbsup
But i know my mom loves me more and never partials....
Was a average student then thought thats why dad hates did excel in studies by Gods grace,did everything to praise my parents,got good Job by Gods grace...No improvement...I did everything to please them my heart didnt realise that I could not change the fact that lies strong in his mind that i am a girl....He had great dream that anyhow he would make my bro an Engineer all his dreams are shattered my bro plainly said I am not interested in Engineering....

But here I would sternly say to all those who have faced discrimination or not got love from parents...

"The one who is discriminated in earth by parents receives the finest blessing from Heavenly father"

This is my personal experience..So dont worry if your parents are not good to you..They can give only earthly blessing to their favourite one but our God is the one who gives heavenly blessings on earth for the forsaken:thumbsup

 

I have always borne the brunt of my mom bearing two daughters.She , even today says no one should have daughters.This despite me and my sis settling down well, being independent and marriend into good families and also supporting our parents.I have two sons and she was the happiest when i bore my second son.Even my ILs said second should have been a girl but not my mom.She says daughters are not countable.I dont know why she has such foolish thoughts.May be it was the society....people always used to ask her...oh no son to carry ur name...instead of being defensive, she would wail about having daughters...
Anyways, irrespective of all this, i love my mom and hope she realises the importance of daughters in her life sometime...

 

Looks like I am the only person out here who has faced a lot being a daughter. I never felt any discrimination from my dad though he was not very involved while we were growing up, but my mom always favored my bro. I was so lonely growing up I had suicidal thoughts at 14. But things got worse after I got married. It seemed like I was thrown out like a fly from milk.
My parents are rich and I live in US. So whenever I visited India, they would not even offer to pay for small things I bought but paid for all shopping done by my SIL and said she was a family member. At the time of my wedding, I chose a couple of clothes for myself, but she gave it to my SIL saying she needs to show people what she gave to SIL. My mom goes to enormous extent to please my SIL and bro though she badmouths my SIL her bheind her back. My mom came for both mine and SIL's delivery. She didn't let SIL enter kitchen or left her side till her baby was 1 month, but for me all she was interested in was shopping. Once I was stressed for lack of sleep etc when my dd was 10 days old and she told me to do something and I said don't say anything right now, I'm feeling too stressed and she didn't talk to me for days over that. When my bro, SIL and nephew came to visit us my dd was 3 weeks and she forgot all about me and dd and was busy serving them and making new dishes for them and of course shopping. I still over came that and visited them in India for 1.5 months. Once we were travelling and I had high fever 102 or so, my mom left me and dd (6 months) in the hotel room and went shopping, on coming back I still had fever and asked her to let the maid stay during the day (she worked in mom's clinic as well, my mom is a doc) to help out with the baby, she clearly refused saying other employee will feel bad. She was more concerned about other employee than her own daughter. At that point my dad told to let dd sleep with them at night so that I can get rest. She used to wake up 3-4 times during the night. I had planned for 2.5 months but came back in 1.5. At least hubby takes off when I'm sick and helps out with the baby.

The problem is when I am away my mom says she misses me and all good stuff, but when we are together she is mean to me at times though at times she would act nice. I sometimes wonder how can a mother do that to her daughter, I have a daughter and I cannot even imagine doing something like that to her. Perhaps deep down she loves me but her actions just drive me away. I hope one day she realises her mistakes. But I love her no matter what.

 

cuties, Lot of woman have the experiences you mentioned with MILs. When it comes from a mother, it's really painful. Yes, everyone has their day of realization.
I hope you have an understanding DH and ILs.

Take care.

 

Thanks Archana. No, my in-laws are worse than my parents. But my DH is a gem of a person. And everytime I feel unfortunate and sad, he reminds me of the wonderful family we have - me, DH and DD, that always brings a smile on my face.