Entitled Mils And Sils...what Do You Do?

There is nothing wrong if her FIL followed the same rule and gifted his sons and DIL the same gifts he buys for his wife (MIL).

There is nothing wrong if the SIL buys the same gift her husband buys her and gifts it to his brothers wife.

One way gifting is the problem, the entitlement is the problem.

 

Right. I was trying to understand your perspective and not theirs.
Whenever your husband buys for you ,your SIL /MIL will feel entitled , I don't know why but this happens at every household. Maybe they feel " when you can buy for your wife why can't you buy for your sister , your sister is your blood relation, wife is an outsider etc etc " . I am not sure but they may have this thought process.
When I have been in your situation I have questioned him and the same defensive mode I have noticed. I have pointed out how they do nothing for me but expect we do for them. Over a period of time I have accepted:
Some things which helped is :
1) Don't question your husband regarding this. It irks them. Instead of "why should we do " I started asking "what shall we do for them?" . I asked him shall we start saving something for gifting them yearly or on their birthday? That way my husband felt I'm also involved in doing something for them. Somehow that savings etc never happened and over a period of time buying for them reduced when I started initiating savings plan etc
2) When I used to go for shopping immediately MIL used to say buy something for my daughters .. I used to get annoyed . Then I myself started asking "Amma should I buy anything for your daughters , I'm going for shopping ". Yes she says buy this buy this buy that. This time the issue didn't keep dancing in my mind because I had initiated it. At times she has told don't buy them anything, buy for yourself. This has given me so much happiness but I never expressed that openly.
3) Competition : yes. They are very competitive. Again same reason. When he can do for wife why not for his sister. At such situations ask your husband, just now you brought same thing for me (or your kid) can "we" afford it again. Should you give them now and buy later for ourselves? I think this kind of statements make husbands realise they are somewhere overspending and over a period of time it'll reduce . They themselves will say " I think we will buy them later " . In my case this has totally worked.
3) As many others suggested stop sharing anything which you buy for yourself n your kid. If your husband or Kid insists on showing anything in video call, avoid that . Keep away toys when u r planning to talk to them. When they(huaband n Kid) ask you to show them pretend you can't remember where you have kept it or say things like "oh it's in first floor can't go n bring it now ,will show them next time. " if they insist in next call to show repeat the same with a good smile. They should understand that you aren't interested to show. Be absolutely nice to them but totally avoid talking to them unless it's very much necessary. Keep it to hello how are things at your end etc kind of talks.
4) I have absolutely accepted that they won't gift me whatsoever. That acceptance came few years after marriage. But then just when I started accepting I don't need anything from them but let me do for them I started getting from them. Not SILs but my MIL started doing it me.
I guess she got a reassurance that "she's willing to do for my daughters" .
I don't know if these pointers will work for you but I'm sharing what worked for me in such situation

 

I would stop showing them whatever I buy, be it a toy or anything expensive. Ofcourse for this your DH should cooperate.

 

There is nothing wrong in spending on them but everything has a limit. They can’t expect or demand each and everything OP or her DH is buying.

 

This is what you will get in return if you follow this "Namaku Oru Adimai Sikitanda"

 

But I'm not Adimai. All they need is acceptance that we are also ready to do. The more we resist the more they trouble.

 

The question is are they willing to do the same for you ?

 

The answer is yes or no. As I mentioned in my reply I started doing but with no expectation initially. But somehow in my case it turned out that they realized I am interested to do for them.. In turn they did for me. At least my H and MIL realized I'm not resisting.
Complaints to H over such matters just don't do good.. As OP mentioned all Hunbands get into a defensive mode. It's simply impossible for them to accept our resistance n say " yes you are right I should not do for my sister " .

Such resistance take away our mental peace, somewhere straining our relationships with our husbands.

 

That is a gross generalization.

 

It's true mostly