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Entitled Mils And Sils...what Do You Do?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Patientone, Feb 5, 2021.

  1. Patientone

    Patientone Silver IL'ite

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    MILs and SIL act very entitled. Even if you gift them it’s not enough. I’ve noticed every time they know that my husband has bought me and my daughter something. They’ll ask for money or a gift themselves. They’ll do the same to my husbands brother and his wife and son too. When me and co sis got married and our husband gave us something my mother in law taunted our husbands and got the same. So did my sister in law. But they don’t think that they got their own gifts when they were married.

    my sister in law bought kitchenware when she went India because she loves abroad and prefers Indian things. My MIL decided she needed to update her kitchen too so BIL had to buy her new stuff too. Even though he sends her money every month.

    we bought my daughter a toy for her birthday and SIL asked for the same toy for her daughters birthday. It was very expensive. We had to give it. Next time they did video all her son whom we gifted asked for a tent my daughter had. My husband ignored them so they had to buy themselves.

    it’s the same with everyday things. Once my husband did video call and showed her shopping for groceries etc. She thought that we shopped a lot and have a lot of money so she asked us to send money because she was in need. Yet I see them enjoying themselves constantly whenever they post pictures etc. They don’t even gift my daughter, their granddaughter anything. Yet SILs daughter who is 2 years older gets a bike and gold jewellery.When they have to gift my husband or daughter. They’ve ran out of money.

    how would you handle their attitude? ‘If he can buy his wife or child something he should be something too because I’m his mother/sister’ I know it’s my husbands fault for showing/sharing things but if I say something he’ll get defensive...the worst is if we ever go to live with them they’ll ask for more and more without shame...
     
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  2. Metamorphic

    Metamorphic Gold IL'ite

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    That’s the way to go about. Continue doing so, ignore.
     
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  3. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 IL Hall of Fame

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    Why do you think your husband shouldn't buy them and spend only on you and your daughter? Similarly BIL. . They are spending on their mom and own sibling. Nothing wrong in that !
     
  4. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:DEAR OP
    THE more one expose their enjoying life and proclaim often openly and on social web sites, generally relatives and friends can not stand that.
    2. while inwardly curse but out side they make show as if they are terribly glad for YOUR GLORIOUS moment that you enjoyed or possessed rare gift.

    3. Moreover such acts invariably emboldens them to demand money even loan and once you give in- the practice never stops.

    4. Say and learn to say No at the right time at the right moment and to the people you consider "don't deserve".
    5. If you do on your own volition, then do it without any expectation that will bless you WITH peace of mind.

    And now God Bless Thee & your cohort.
    Regards.
     
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  5. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Why does the SIL feel entitled to demand expensive gifts from her brothers? Gifts should be given freely, not at the cost of goodwill. Does OP have an unlimited pot of money? Doesn’t the SIL have her own husband? Why doesn’t she reciprocate gifts? It’s just greedy to take, take, take all the time.
    When the SIL’s demands are ignored she is perfectly capable of buying for herself. That just shows a selfish and entitled attitude.
    They need to live within their means, not fleece others to finance their lifestyle.
    We were among the poorer side of the family while I was growing up. Most of my cousins had much nicer clothes and toys, lived in bigger houses, had cars and went on much better vacations than we did. That’s just the way it was. My mom certainly didn’t expect her brothers to fund our gifts and grandparents didn’t interfere.
     
    Last edited: Feb 5, 2021
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  6. sangeeta098

    sangeeta098 Senior IL'ite

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    Its ok to buy gifts for husbands family. But copying every time for each & every thing is ridiculous. I have the same scenario with my mil. Its just like having a toddler at home who demands everything without any logic.
     
  7. KayKuyil

    KayKuyil Silver IL'ite

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    I feel you OP. Unfortunately many households have this issue. It’s less about wanting things and more about establishing importance. For the women of the house, it’s a way of showing that they are equally if not more important to the daughter-in-laws.

    Solution? Nothing you can directly do. It’s on to your husband to ignore the tantrums for a couple of consecutive requests. He has to draw the boundary. Let him know that it’s not the material things but rather the attitude that annoys you. I have seen this play out in my home. When my dad stopped giving in to my grandmother and aunt’s expectations, they showed a total change in their “affection” towards him which in turn was very eye-opening for my dad.

    Hope your husband takes a stand and alleviates this stress for you!
     
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  8. KayKuyil

    KayKuyil Silver IL'ite

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    Nothing wrong with the son buying things for his mom or sister. I think the competing attitude is the issue here. My SIL and MIL never asks for anything for them or the kids. And they are the folks for whom I personally buy gifts first. I am sure if OP’s MIL and SIL change their attitude, OP will be the first person to get them gifts.
     
  9. Patientone

    Patientone Silver IL'ite

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    I think enough people have replied to your comment so I’ll keep it short. Please read my comment again. We do gift them and it’s never enough etc etc
     
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  10. Flyhigher

    Flyhigher Silver IL'ite

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    Keep Ignoring and learn to say no. I feel that's the best solution. Lot of the times people who are far they don't understand behind the scene so try share very limited things.
     
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