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Enough of compaling about MIL, lets talk about DIL for once!!!

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by sravugarimella, May 23, 2007.

  1. sravugarimella

    sravugarimella New IL'ite

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    Hi All,

    I have been reading this for a while now and I understand that not all MIL are good and they have problems. But what about the DIL's who doesn't behave?? No one talks about them..

    I wanted to share this story with u all, as I wanted to releive the burden from my heart. One of my aunties she was such a great lady. She always wanted to be friendly with her DIL, its her who said that both her son and DIL should stay on their own as they dont want to be a burden on them. And when they were married, both my aunt and uncle made sure they never breaked their privacy. Even the DIL was all well from outside, its only recently we came to know that she used to torture the guy with her words. She is a single child and a bit spoilt. During their wedding we noticed that she or her family didn't really care much about other relatives of the guy. But we were always under the impression that as long as they were happy then who cares!! This boys career is a bit slow at this point and instead of supporting him she always complains that 'I spoiled my own life by marrying u', which guy would want to bear taht kind of words?? But he was really patient till now, everyday the girls mother keeps calling her every 1/2 hour to put something or other in this girls mind. Instead of giving her good suggestions she keeps pesturing her to make her husband do this, that... All they care about is money, because he is not going to US now, they are under the impression that he is a waste guy!! She is the one whoc loved him so much, so when she is happpy she talks to him properly and when she is angry she doesn't care what words she is using and how much it hurts others. She even stopped talking to my aunt and uncle because they tried to impart some wisdom into her brainless shell. She thinks that its easy to breakup because she got her wealthy parents who can take care of her and she left. Both the girls parents support her and doesn't say a word:bangcomp: they dont want this boy to talk to any of his relatives, which he even did for the sake of this girl. Tell me is this right?? I am so angry and frustrated because now its the guy whom they will blame. No one beleives that a DIL is capable of all this..

    I know every hubby and wife will have petty things, but I am a strong beleiver that they should be solved in bedroom itself, once it comes out its a shame for both of them. Its better to stay away rather than be with each other. I am sorry to impose this on all of u, but being away from my family, I always feel that I can rely on u Ilites to talk to.. Thanks ladies..
     
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  2. Anushiv

    Anushiv Senior IL'ite

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    Hi sravanthi,

    I'm new to this group but I've read many... previous forums of all subject.
    Your e-mail was indeed touching.
    I completely agree with u that D-L are no way goody goody character ( as shown in TV serials)
    If M-L are spiteful -D-L are equally scheming...

    The younger generation are well qualified, smart, calculative at the same time want be independent & self- reliant.
    concept of sharing things,views, are less. the give & take policy...is slowly diminishing!
    many may not agree but it's the fact!

    cheers!
    Anu Shiv
     
  3. harinivijay

    harinivijay New IL'ite

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    hi sravanthi,
    good day. there are 2 sides of a coin. in this world , there are equal % of no -good mils and same % of no- good dils.sometimes even when we are very good natured (either good mils or good dils ), some mismatches occur in life . just pray God to make everything good & acceptable in one's life.

    thanks,
    harini
     
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  4. Blondie

    Blondie Bronze IL'ite

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    My thoughts exactly........ The same story(good or bad) narrated by D-I-L differs from the one narrated by M-I-L. Two different people, two different views for the same event. Only thing is this forum seems to be frequented & vented out by One set more than the other:-D
     
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  5. arshi1611

    arshi1611 New IL'ite

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    hi
    Its true that there are DIL who are very scheming and go out and out to break the harmony at home.What u have shared is a very common thing also as is the story which a DIL shares bout her MIL. There are nice people and otherwise in both.I don't know if i'm right but i feel that before ladies were not that independent and strong willed as they are today.Before they used to adjust alot and to them their home was "sacred" they were the docile and dependent types who were afraid of their husbands and inlaws.Mybe thats one reason why the MIL also could suppress them then and show them that they were the boss! But now girls r fiercely independent with a mind of their own.They make all their decision and don't mind breaking some ground rules also which their own mothers might have not.They don't want any intereference in any thing and if they don't see things happening their way they even go for divorce which was taboo before but very common these days.The ego clash between the MIL n DIL makes the problems arise and if either one is wise they handle the situation otherwise the situation becomes bad.Who takes the wise step is the better person in any case.In ur case the DIL is not only behaving badly with the inlaws but also with her husband.That is even worse cuz not only the poor parents are suffereing but also the guy who has done somuch for her.Lord help her find some good sense!
     
  6. sravugarimella

    sravugarimella New IL'ite

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    Thank u all for your views, the reason why I am so upset is even the girls parents are not trying to put any sense into her. I know she is young and inexperienced, so we expect her mom to explain that there will be ups and downs in her life. Instead she keeps calling her every 1/2 hr and puts things into here head. Recently she even said that there family prestige is down because this guy is not got visa to US. They are disappointed and the girls mother quickly tried to find ways to send the boy to UK. No one said before marriage that he will be flying to US, no one gave them false promises. He feels that his individuality is lost. When my aunt tried to say something they got so angry that they even stopped talking with her.. Complete reverse scenario..

    Now after all this, even if she returns back there wont be any love or respect left for her. I am not that kind of a lady who would advice divorce, but frankly if there is no respect for ur other half in the marriage then it will never work and there is no point in staying that relationship. Thats my opinion..
     
  7. GPriya

    GPriya Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Sravanthi,

    I have experienced the same scenario in my family where my aunt's DIL has a mother who calls her every 30 minutes and advises her on every issue as to how to fight with her hubby (my cousin) and win him over. It is now 2 years of marriage- my cousin too loved and married her, they have a daughter last year and now there is NO peace or happiness in the young couple's life, though there is absolutely no contact with my uncle and aunt (her MIl/FIL) as they live in chennai and these ones live in Ahmedabad.

    The biggest issue here is in arranged marriages, the parents of the guy looks for rich girls more than good quality adjustible type middle class girls. My own MIL married a very wealthy girl for her second son (my BIL) and was illtreated by the girls parents (sambandhi) at the time of marrige itself. But the dowry factor along with grand wedding and lots of silver dishes, diamond jewellery etc., made my inlaws worship the new DIL. Inspite of that, the new DIL started bitching about my inlaws family from day one and never respected or regarded anyone in the family including her own husband who has no control over her in anyway. Then they moved to Canada, now after making 2 kids, they have seperated and waiting to get divorced. It is just the nature of the girl with high headed attitude due to her money and her parents support in all the wrong things. To highlite the issue, my cosis made a comment on the day of her wedding that it is her money that made her inlaws love her, so she will use her money to get everybody out of her life as soon as married and she DID IT.
    Though I was shocked to hear her comments on the day of her wedding, I kept quiet as my inlaws made life hell for me during my marriage bcos of greed.
    My husband told his father that you all wanted money not a wife for your son, so you got what you wanted and now your son is all alone in life, see where your greed got you in life...

    I do agree there are lots of DILs nowadays are very independent in thoughts, actions etc., but being considerate is something the mothers have to teach the daughters and sons.

    Hope your aunt and my aunt feel better in their lives,
    Geeth Priya.
     
  8. pavithrasriram

    pavithrasriram Bronze IL'ite

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    hi geeth priya
    i feel sorry for ur bil.
    i also agree with other il ites like blondie and harini that there are both good and bad dils and mils.sometimes gud ones get a bad one unfortunately.if ur lucky then u get a gud one......
    reards
    pavithra
     
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  9. PushpavalliSrinivasan

    PushpavalliSrinivasan IL Hall of Fame

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  10. ruchis

    ruchis New IL'ite

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    Hi Pushpavalli,
    I do not thnk it is financial independence that has made girls rigid.It all depends on attitude and the way you have been brought up.You could be earning millions but still be humble and respect your inlaws.It works both ways.
    I am a working women and earn equivalent to my husband and I still love and respect my inlaws.I believe it is all because of the culture and environment we had at my parents home.My parents are doctors,gave me all the freedom and high education but still instilled the fact that I have to go to sasural(in-laws place)and be a part of the other family. i was told at the time of my marriage to love and respect my hubby's parents in same way that I love my parents.But they also taught me not take any injustice pr physical abuse in stride. I was also taught that I have a right to live my own life. I think this taught me how to bvalance my life ,take my own decisions and still keep my in-laws happy.
    Now you might think that my mil may be different then normal mils( :)) but no she is the same...always complaining and trying to comein between me and my husband...I have been married for 8 years and believe me ,me and my mil have never had any fights...even if it her mistake..I laways think what would I have done if my mother did the same thing... I follow this mantra and 99 times out of 100 I feel my temper going down.Now I have been lucky that my inlaws are not greedy or abusive...in which situation this will not work.

    I believe if all DIL's follow this in normal tiff's life would be peaceful.

    Just shared my 2 cents....some of you might now like it..
     

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