Enjoyment problem with Husband serious face

Reesha · Jan 7, 2015

hi,

may be my problem is not so much bigger than others hear. but i am loosing my happiness all times when i want to enjoy with my husband in any occasion. I am josh full & energy rich girl all time. i got a good hearted guy as DH. No doubt in it.

but coming to occasions/ events/ parties / tours.... his behaviour is making me feel sad all times. let me give some examples...

1. Went to honey moon. we got individual cottage for us in middle of forest area beside a river. i invited him to sit with me to enjoy the evening view of river. i want to share my past/romantic feelings with him by keeping my hand in his hand. but he didn't show interest to sit with me & doing photography there alone.

but when we entered in to room at night & he occupies my body by showing that he is having full love on me & over than me with sweetest talks. but i lost intrest on him because of his response on evening. so bluntly i closed my eyes just for his S** sake.

2. We are south indians. so we didn't get chance to do dance in any of our occassions like north indians. but i am too much intrested to do dance with my lovely friends. it is my dream that i want to do dance with my lover. so after marriage, we went to goa & there we got chance to do dance as couple along with some other couples on boat deck. i invited my DH. but he opposed to come with me. he stick to chair whole time & taking photos of other's dance. i feel like i am alone in that boat & no one is there to enjoy with me like other couples who are enjoying. really i got frustration on him & but not able to blast there. so looking into water & thinking about how if i jump into that ocean....?

3. I am the person who supporting very well in case of DH relationship with his friends & colleagues. even i mingled with DH's friends in very well manner to make him comfort that his wife is not one separating him from his circle. i went along with his friends & respecting them all times..communicating them all times. so i cooperated him to make strong bond b/w us & his friends. but even after 3 yr of my marriage life, he dont know any of my friends. i requested him lot of times to meet up with my friends & colleagues when chances came. but all time he opposed to come along with me by saying that he is not comfortable with strangers. so sending me lonely. but my friends are asking me about my DH...like "r u coming alone even after marriage? where is your partner? don't you like to introduce us to him..?"

4. When i said about my positive result in pregnancy test with lot of josh by 8AM, he didn't replied in happy way( i expected a hug/kiss from him). in sleeping mode he replied "ok. come & sleep."

5. I am the girl who initiate parties & josh full events in apartment. so when ever i tried to plan party at home, he is not showing interest to help me. now my son's first birthday is coming next month. even though i am planning to arrange all things like decoration & catering & cleaning so on ...on my own with out his help, he is showing disinterest to invite his friend's families & colleagues to his son's birthday also.

6. on new year night, i want to enjoy by doing dance with my friends/ DH in mid night party. but this DH want my company with him to do S** & not coming to party all times. so spending alone in home with silent wishes.

finally, even though he loves me & caring me ...his moody behaviour & serious nature in joshfull events, noncooperation with me to make my tiny romantic wishes come into true..so on..making me rigid in case of my night S** life with him. but he is very intrested to do S** all times even i am 9th month pregnant.

i had open talk with him regarding my issues with him. but he is saying it is his nature & he can't act like as per my wish. i adjusted my self lot & drained my wishes from my mind by making diversion. but whenever i am seeing couples who enjoying...i am getting tears in my eyes & when ever i want to do things which we can do with lover only...my heart gained tonnes of weight.

Twinkel · Jan 7, 2015

Relax Reesha, you probably are over reacting to simple things! First things first, whenever you see your friends or any other couple enjoying, that does not mean they are happy and have no battles to be fought! Happiness is not something that comes to you by fulfilling all your dreams and wishes, it is something that comes when you make your life fulfilled with what you have...
No two persons are same. You cannot expect a male clone of you just because you are full of energy. Agree to disagree and understand that he is just the way he is and accept him...

docathome · Jan 8, 2015

I am in a similar situation but on the opposite end. My husband is the sociable dancing type and I am the shy type but we are very happy together cos we have accepted that we are different. Of course some of our romantic ideas and dreams may not come true in real life but so long as i know he loves me and tries to keep keep me happy, it would be enough for me. Men are different and he may not understand your emotional needs. If it affecting you discuss it with him.

Udasgirl · Jan 8, 2015

Hi reesha... I was in somewhat in same boat like you but then later realized that these things are better not to be demanded from husband... no two people are same and most importantly you must feel comfortable with your partner and should not be bogged down by his/her expectations while you are together so let him do/act the way he likes/he is and you do what you want... Every couple has their own problems and struggles. Being romantic/liking towards dancing/socializing/showing off your love etc has to come from within.... I have seen some men/women who seem to be so romantic with their partners and publicly display their affection but have affairs on the alongside as well.. so be happy with what you have rather than being sad for what you dont. You can try mentioning it to ur hubby softly when you get chance that you will be more happy if he does this or that etc but don't fight over it as it will not change situation but you will feel more disappointed

pear · Jan 8, 2015

When your Dh realizes the depth of your wishes he may change in the future.Men do take some time to change thier habits.They are not tuned like us to change after marriage .Men are brought up with the idea that women make all the changes to accommodate men in thier life.

Ivanhoe · Jan 8, 2015

Reesha, you are two altogether different deep-rooted personalities. Difficult to reconcile and hence you must learn to accept the status quo.

Your post made me think what exactly was intended from the institution of marriage. Maybe the whole idea was only about legitimate procreation; with anything extra being counted as a bonus. So learn to count your blessings.

indoc · Jan 8, 2015

"Enjoyment" is a very relative term whose definition varies from individual to individual.. You married an introvert and its difficult to change attitudes of introverts..

You may like dancing, but your hubby ain't interested.. what's the big deal here.. your hubby may be like Ajay Devgan who can't shake a leg..

Reesha · Jan 8, 2015

@Twinkel: yes, i knew. happiness is what i have now. i agree with you. but hear happiness is different from enjoyment... enjoyment is next level of happiness which gave relief to us from routine life. due to his rigidness, my life became bore specially with him.

but i am not fighting with DH in this case because i knew there is something valuable in him other than these qualities.

Metamorphic · Jan 8, 2015

Reesha said: ↑

but whenever i am seeing couples who enjoying...
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Not all couples hitting the dance floor are having a happy marriage filled with LOVE.

Who knows, right on the same dance floor, wearing a 'all-is-well' mask which heart is heavy with their spouse's EMA, addictions, obsessions, narcissism, male chauvinism, abuse, sexual issues, infertilities and so on???

i got a good hearted guy as DH. No doubt in it.
he loves me & caring me
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Love is the crux. Romancing is your expression. Caring is his expression. Accept the difference and don't compare with others. Count your blessings and be content. This is not an issue which should make you feel to jump in the ocean.