Empty Nester And Thinking Of Divorce

Well in that case you should factor all this in your thinking. I don’t mean to discourage you, but rather that thinking things through will help you take a decision to land in a better place instead of ending up worse than before.
Now right away option 3 looks more unlikely for example. Aged parents may not like to be confronted with reality of divorced daughter daily and prefer to keep it under wraps. As in do what you want but we don’t want to deal with it. You could also slowly start telling them what’s going on to prepare them since you say they have no idea things are so bad. That’s another thing to consider.
Perhaps you may decide that @Anbhu suggestion or a version of option 2 is your best bet. In general, being a divorced single in US is easier or so I’ve heard. No one cares. It’s so common. The laws are also more equitable. There’s no real need for you to go to a different city either. All you need is to move out. A trial separation may your best bet to start off with and then you can see how it goes.

 

what about a 4th option ?
Continue staying like housemates. As you said, have him contribute as & when you need like getting sick. Let the kids have the benefit of staying together. Take your focus away from the differences & put your energy in grooming yourself & doing things that make you happy. Make more friends. Get professional with him. Treat him like you would treat a colleague at workplace. Just detach from him. Develop your spiritual side. Dont expect but you will definitely notice a change in him after a while.

 

Have you discussed with your husband about what is going on in your mind. Is he really that bad a person that you wish to move away either temporarily or permanently. You started feeling alone only after the kids moved out right. So I dont think it is right to give such a big shock to your husband who would not have even thought of separation in his dreams. You could try to keep yourself engaged with something or the other so that you can have a busy life just like the way it was when your kids were around.

If you really want to get out of the negative feeling you can consider option1 and give hints to your husband about separation. If he too is equally bored with you, or you both dont want to bring out any changes , then you can both agree to a time limit say 1 year or 2 years and after that if you still feel the same, you can select option2.

Option 3 looks a bad idea as of now. You could bring your parents to US and let them see for themselves, how boring your life is and then discuss with them about divorce. They might understand you better then.

 

Hey OP,
It seems like there is a basic difference of opinion between you two. I like that you are thinking through your options, but even before divorce there are a ton of options. It's just that we tend to think about marriage and divorce as black and white with no gray in between. In reality, the state offers counseling and a ton of mediation services for couples. Till now it seems the disagreement is between you two, and while he has made his position clear, have you? Does he clearly understand this issue is a deal breaker for you and you are now exploring other alternatives. Somehow I feel he doesn't, that he is unaware. It could be because it is so clear in your mind that you think its clear to him also?
The easiest option, in my opinion, is what Pavi suggested. Take a job in a different state and move there. It will be effectively a temporary separation. He will also get an idea of what life without you around entails. In the ensuing conversations you can bring up your dissatisfaction. It will be clear to him what your stance is and he may come to his senses. Threatening something as long as spouse is quiet or submissive is very different from threatening same actions when spouse has one foot out the door. Get my drift? think about this option also check what marital counseling services are available in your state. When forced to be accountable to a 3rd party for his thinking, often many people realize what nonsense they are spewing or how unrealistic it is.

 

You wont gain anything by waiting longer. You'll just get older. Dont be so scared of his family's interference. Under our laws your rights as a wife and domestic partner are protected. Maximum they can influence him to be obstinate but even that will go against him if it's unreasonable as you fear.
A living will clarify some of your concerns. Look into it. Talk to a good lawyer and tie up all the assets so they are under the control of the parents and the kids alone and no outsider can interfere. Living will means you have to think through all the permutations and combinations of the what-if scenarios and designate who will take charge of what and when. It can really help clarify things in your minds
If you intend to stick to your stand then go talk to someone. Either in marriage counseling or a legal person. You can go alone. Your concerns are valid and you are not wrong to seek answers. Speaking to a knowledgeable person and a disinterested 3rd party about your concerns will help you understand your options better. Some of these laws vary from state to state. Really all these services exist for us to utilize but we either don't know or hesitate to use them - it's a pity. Another advantage of counseling is that it creates a paper trail for you and the counselor will also give their recommendation in case you end up in divorce court as you fear.