Empty Nest

Shobanag · Aug 27, 2007

I never understood this term "Empty Nest" until this week. My only daughter is off to college. The last two months were spent buying "dorm stuff" - comforter, sheets, pillows, laundry baskets, alarm clock, clothes, school supplies, etc. On the big day, we left before 7.30 am since we wanted to leave before "raagu kaalam" - anyone who knew me would have done a double take! I was never the type to look at this - I would give my mother a hard time whenever she mentioned checking the time before we do anything special. No, I did not believe in such things! But now, I was sending my baby off to college and I had to make sure that everything was just right - and when I told her that we had to leave before a certain time - I got the same look from her that I gave my mother years ago! Well, we packed up and drove out - my parents who were visiting also joined us. We arrived at her dorm and met up with her room mate and her folks. Then, started the gruelling task of moving everything to the 7th floor! We had to move a TV, an entertainment set for the TV, a papasan chair and a futon! You might all wonder why a TV - I dont know why either. Everyone has a TV at college apparently - not sure if this is all over the country. Atleast, we gave her an old TV - we saw many people with TV's in their original box straight from the store! While the dads put the futon together, the moms made the beds after sanitizing it and the girls got their closets in order. They were so excited about the whole thing. Just seeing the anticipation and excitement in their eyes made me so thankful to be sharing this with them. We finally got done and had lunch. Then came the time to say our goodbye's - it was not easy. I controlled myself as much as I could. We were back home late at night.
It was weird not to see her car parked in our garage. The phone was silent - no one called us since most phone calls were for her! She usually walked in the door with her cell phone stuck to her ear - as much as that irritated me, I would give anything to see her walk through the door now. I resisted the urge to pick up the phone and call her - waited for her to call me which she did. I have spoken to her everyday now - not sure if she will keep it up after classes begin tomorrow. I will be emailing or texting her more often now!! Her room is clean, the bed is made and no music is coming out of her room and the computer is free! My parents who were with me for the last six months, went back to India yesterday. Now my house is quiet and it is truly an empty nest. I dont want to watch TV or read a book now - although I should turn the TV on so that it will kill this silence.
I know that in time, things will improve - I will look forward to her visit at fall break.

Thanks ladies for letting me put my thoughts in words.

Shobana

Vysan · Aug 29, 2007

Hi

I can understand the feelings..... My family was here with me till last 3 months... After they moved to India, for 15/20 days i couldnt even enter the house feeling the lonliness....... Then slowly got used to it...

When the kids grow and move on, till such time running around for them and shouting at them was part of life. When it is not there we feel left alone....

You can still give a call, spend time on ur interest etc... Slowly u will get used to it.....

my 2 bit

Veda

Nivedi · Aug 29, 2007

Hi Shobana,

In course of time, I am sure you will get over the pangs. Being a working mother, you are lucky that you will not be in the house all day long. Time flies and it will be a matter of months when your dear daughter will be home for her vacations.

Cheers!

Jananikrithsan · Aug 30, 2007

Great that your daughter is in college now. After all going to a dorm makes you independent, hearsay. Don't worry, we are with you. Cheer up Shobana!!!!!!!!:exactly:

Shobanag · Aug 31, 2007

Thanks everyone for your kind words - I am trying to be positive and think of hobbies or other interests that I can now pursue. Life goes on.....

rajmiarun · Sep 2, 2007

Hi Shobana,
Though I dont have a kid of your daughter's age I could understand the feeling because I felt the same when I sent my daughter to school PRE KG for the first time. At that time we didnot have the second child too. There was no one at home, husband to office, maid finished the work, all work over, no toys around, the house was clean, no work for me to do except eat and wait for my darling daughter to come which I found so tough. God I am really wondering now that I need to face the same thing next year as my son will be going to school. :-( . Dunno what I will do. Though I work, it is work from home and my office is again the home so no place to run to. .

Any way this is all a passing cloud and I am sure the days will fly by soon and you will see her again in the holidays and will again start thinking whether she will not shut off the music system or the cell phone or the computer:mrgreen: .

Blondie · Sep 2, 2007

Shobana,

Believe me I have been there .....You will cherish the feeling when she comes home for thanksgiving break. It is when I see my daughter rushing to give me a hug that I realise all the time the emptyness that I had in me seemed to vanish and with all my dear ones close to me again that feeling of fullness is indescribable.

mythili · Sep 2, 2007

Hi Shobana,
Your post made me feel senti even though I don't have a daugther(yet).

I can relate completely on what you said about the Raahu kalam. I made fun of my mom when she made me follow all that. But I ended up sending my child to preschool late on his first day of school to avoid the raahu kalam.

In life, I was always afraid of change. I remember feeling so sad when I had to go off to hostel for the first time. I had to remind myself that I had to undergo it if I wanted to achieve my dreams in life. I had to console my parents as well. I used to cry quietly in the train on my way there without my father noticing.

But now, looking back, if I had not taken that effort, if I just stayed home, I would not have reached anywhere in my career and my life would have been very different.

Your daughter has gone for her higher studies. You will be so proud of her when she comes back in flying colors.
There is nothing in nature that does not change. Change is nature's law and is inevitable.

BTW I am jealous of you now, you have all the free time to pursue whatever hobbies you want..! Take advantage of the oppurtunity now.
Love
Mythili

naazneen · Sep 4, 2007

Dear Shobhana
Your post gave me a tight knot in my throat. I look at my 16 month old and already I cannot fathom life without her. But I know that when her time comes I too will have to let her go. You already know about my "assimilation woes"
Now my daughter has been a source of me finding friends. What will I do once she is on her way? You know its true I think my phone will really go silent!!!
Anyways I know you must be doing fine and have already(by now) found plenty of things to keep yourself occupied with. Thought I would leave you with these thoughts that I think of everytime I think of that time in the future which will inshallah surely come. Its from the Prophet by Khalil Gibran. Take care
~ Naazneen.
And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, "Speak to us of Children." And he said:

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts.

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;

For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable

Shobanag · Sep 5, 2007

Thanks Naazneen, Blondie, Rajmiarun, Mythili - thanks for your kind words. I know it will get better and I thought I was prepared for it - not really! Naazneen, I have the book Prophet by KG from which you quoted - it has been a while since I had looked it up and seeing your words brought it all back. How very apt, isn't it - especially, You may give them your love but not your thoughts. For they have their own thoughts. That is my dear daughter for sure. She is a very independent person - and that is why this separation so hard for me! She is coming home for fall break in late October .

Thanks again, everyone.