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Emotionally independent......what is it actually???

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by meena2, Feb 23, 2010.

  1. meena2

    meena2 Senior IL'ite

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    What does being 'emotionally independent' mean in a married life??
    I could never get this.
     
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  2. Malavika81

    Malavika81 Bronze IL'ite

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    It means you are not dependent on your spouse for emotional support for your problems(examples would like you are having work related problems, tough times with friends or family etc) and you are independent to handle your own problems and emotions that stem out of it. Basically a woman who can be independent and handle yourself, in a sense. Very few percentage of us woman are emotionally imdependent and can handle ourselves and most of us look for some kind of emotional support from our spouse or close friends or family. Being emotionally independent is a good quality to possess btw as it shows you are strong willed and independent woman who can handle yourself in tough situations:)
     
  3. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    It means following

    Dont complain about my mom, dad, sis and bro.
    I am not offering my shoulder to you to cry over.

    Dont expect me to
    call you or say sweet nothings.
    remember special days or to get gifts for you.
    ask you how was your day.
    share any special feeling.
    compliment you on any day or night.
    ask your wellbeing if you are unwell
    provide you moral support in tuff time.
    feel any pain/ happiness for your parents side family in their sorrow or happines

    In short once you find a forum or person to share all your thoughts & you're not doing any of those with DH, you've become emotionally independent of him.
     
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2010
    2 people like this.
  4. Godschild

    Godschild Silver IL'ite

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    Nice thread. Emotional independance does sound great.

    But how many of us can actually implement it in our lives?

    And shilpa, nice write up.
     
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2010
  5. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks GS,
    I think me and KavithaKavel have attained this as of now as per our posts.
    She does so cos she feels all have their own share of imperfections, I do so cos I have to live with a DH who's virtually living FOR his mother and her words :rotfl.

    I had good 3.5 years of loads of support from him.. however constant separation threats by his mother and him have directed me to this achievement :thumbsup.
     
  6. Godschild

    Godschild Silver IL'ite

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    Great to hear that you have attained this.
    I guess today all women have to be Emotionally independent!
     
  7. sridivya

    sridivya New IL'ite

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    If someone (may be wife or husband) has a problem at work, If kids are getting uncontrollably mischievous and talking back, If neighbor is bothering you, If a friend has said something bad about you to someone else and you came to know of this........

    If any such thing as above happens and you try to talk to someone whom you can share your feelings with freely then is that called emotional dependence?? You may not follow their advice but just vent out your feelings.

    If it is correct, then can we say 99% of the people are emotionally dependent because at some point of time or other we do vent out our feelings even if it is anonymously as we are doing now here in this forum.
     
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2010
  8. YingYang

    YingYang Senior IL'ite

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    This is a great question.... I google it and found following information. I feel I should share with all of you.. Because all of us need to be "Emotionally Independent"

    1. Be just. Whenever you take a decision or do justice between people, be just even in the face of strong conflicting emotions. In dealing with other human beings, two major impediments to justice are 2
    2. Cry without people knowing. Do not everytime cry every in front of others. However, do cry in loneliness and analyze yourself why are you crying. Are you crying out of your mistake or other's mistake? 3
    3. Share your secrete with only wise people. You should share secrets with people you truly believe can help you resolve it and not to people who are only interested in knowing your secrets. 4
    4. Take suggestions generally. Take general suggestions from talented people around you. Ask them the problem in general form and try to know their opinions about it. 5
    5. Do not get influenced by other's lifestyle. No two persons' status can be exactly same, so do not admire other's lifestyle in your own way of life. It may happen that they may be admiring your lifestyle. 6
    6. Feel the pain of others. When you find somebody in trouble, then at least feel his/her pain in your heart, and be thankful that you are not in that condition. 7
    7. Try to overcome your desires and be realistic. Never think that you are going to achieve everything you dreamt of. Realize that you can also live without something that you really desired and believe in reality that your dream will come true only in material form. Consider your dream as a dream only until and unless it comes true. 8
    8. Stop listening to emotional lyrics. Prefer good hobbies. Emotional lyrics may ruin your thoughts more rather than giving you comfort, so avoid listening to emotional lyrics. Rather you can listen some motivational song or do some good hobbies which will make you feel happy. 9
    9. Expect nothing from others. Stop expecting help and support from others. Do not always run to your friends for emotional support. You will turn weaker if you always expect people's support in your problems. 10
    10. Keep your self busy in good work. Always keep yourself busy doing good work. Always try to help those who are in trouble, and find yourself happy in other's happiness. 11
    11. Read this article whenever you feel emotionally deceived.

    Be just. Whenever you take a decision or do justice between people, be just even in the face of strong conflicting emotions. In dealing with other human beings, two major impediments to justice are 2
    Cry without people knowing. Do not everytime cry every in front of others. However, do cry in loneliness and analyze yourself why are you crying. Are you crying out of your mistake or other's mistake? 3
    Share your secrete with only wise people. You should share secrets with people you truly believe can help you resolve it and not to people who are only interested in knowing your secrets. 4
    Take suggestions generally. Take general suggestions from talented people around you. Ask them the problem in general form and try to know their opinions about it. 5
    Do not get influenced by other's lifestyle. No two persons' status can be exactly same, so do not admire other's lifestyle in your own way of life. It may happen that they may be admiring your lifestyle. 6
    Feel the pain of others. When you find somebody in trouble, then at least feel his/her pain in your heart, and be thankful that you are not in that condition. 7
    Try to overcome your desires and be realistic. Never think that you are going to achieve everything you dreamt of. Realize that you can also live without something that you really desired and believe in reality that your dream will come true only in material form. Consider your dream as a dream only until and unless it comes true. 8
    Stop listening to emotional lyrics. Prefer good hobbies. Emotional lyrics may ruin your thoughts more rather than giving you comfort, so avoid listening to emotional lyrics. Rather you can listen some motivational song or do some good hobbies which will make you feel happy. 9
    Expect nothing from others. Stop expecting help and support from others. Do not always run to your friends for emotional support. You will turn weaker if you always expect people's support in your problems. 10
    Keep your self busy in good work. Always keep yourself busy doing good work. Always try to help those who are in trouble, and find yourself happy in other's happiness. 11
    Read this article whenever you feel emotionally deceived.
     
  9. nebpharm

    nebpharm Bronze IL'ite

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    I completely agree with shilpa n her list. being emotional independent upto that extent is very difficult. as i m a very emotional person , i had found a gud idea to look as emotional independent. I never express!!! though I have expectations but i never say to my hubby to give me gifts , to talk to me etc etc. its tough but i hav learned ths during 3 yrs of mariage.
     
  10. sadwife

    sadwife Gold IL'ite

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    Well, to be frank im actually emotionally dependant on my husband.
    I share all my disappointments and frustrations with him and of course he's always willing to listen and encourages or consoles me. And I feel loved and cared for this way.
     

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