emotional abuse from inlaws - its everywhere!

I agree with you tulipzz. But we too are at fault. Why do we have to be so emotionally attatched to our In-Laws. They can only hurt us if we allow it. We (indian womena) are dependent on husaband, parents, kids, inlaws .. etc for our happiness. So many dependecies, one is bound to fall short. Instead take your happiness in your own hands. Be strong, be independent so that nothing and emotinally break you.

 

I am glad you are seeing this Tulipzz, not because it is a nice thing to see, but because it will help you take consolation (if it is one at all) that you are not alone. Unfortunately this is part of our "culture", the one we are so proud of and can't seem to get enough of gloating about. I wonder when we will really wake up, open our eyes wide and take a good look at ourselves in a mirror. This is the achievement of our patriarchal society, the society which talks of respect for elders, respect for women, of Goddesses of Knowledge, Wealth and a Mother Goddess.

Men are celebrated and put on a pedestal from the time they are born. Women from the time they are born are told they are somebody else's property and then from the time they are married to the time they become mothers-in-law themselves are not even second grade citizens. (Earlier they were treated well the day they provided the family with an heir, but today even that is not the case). But miracle of miracles, the day they become mils of dils, they gain the status of Goddesses. And those who don't have kids are ignored.

This state of affairs last till her husband is alive. The day he passes on, she is back in her sad corner - of course unless she succeeds in lording it over dil and emotionally blackmailing the son.

 

How to console someone who is tensed by her SIL.

About once a month, I go to a salon and the owner is a quiet, nice lady, who herself is a bit uncomfortable talking to me (perhaps I give off strange vibes, or I'm too "American", etc), but anyway, she does a great job, hence I go to her. And once, she gave me friendly advice to be nice and think positive and that I should get a boyfriend since I am pretty and have good job (because after marriage, all the fun is gone).

When her SIL is there, this owner gets so tensed. I wish there way I can console her and give her comforting advice. I try my best to be friendly and courteous.