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Embarrassing Moments Due To Mil Or Inlaws.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by rupz, Oct 27, 2016.

  1. rupz

    rupz Silver IL'ite

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    Hi all,

    This happened today. And I m so pissed, at my MIL.

    We have Diwali party in office this coming weekend. And we have fashion show where we are dressing up and coming to office.
    Me being new in the organization I wasn't keen on participating in the event, just wanted to be a bystander n watch. But my TL told me that its a team effort so I will have to also buck up n do it.
    Me being dark and fat, (face full of pimple marks)didn't want to participate.
    But I was paired off with another guy for the rampwalk.

    We practiced and also decide color coded clothes. I usually leave office by 7.30 that's our log off time. As usual I left and went to the. Parlor thinking I can atleast do cleanup and my hair cut. I similarly informed my MIL previous day itself, coz being a party I already had planned on getting my hair done. ..and also told her which place I was going to.

    By the time I reach the place it was already 8pm. And for hair treatment, cut and color, the guy said it will be atleast 10. And facial and wax can do tomorrow.
    I was fine with it. Mg's my husband the timing. The place I go to is just one building away from my place. So according to me I can be home by 10.05.- which is not a bad time at all.

    At 9.10 my MIL called me, I was busy in Mani padi and hair so I didnt pick up. After 3 miss calls I picked up when my one hand was free. And put it on speaker phone. And then she yelled at me so bad - that I m a female who is to come home by 8.30. for whom do I need to deck up to show, in office. Come home right away. I was so embarrassed. There were atleast 7 people in waiting at the parlor - due to diwali appointment and offers. They guy who was coloring my hair I told him to stop and wash my hair right away. He called the owner and told her. She was also upset that my half hair is colored and half is not it won't look good. I couldn't even speak to her. I just told her that wash my hair and let me go. What ever is to be done will do tomorrow.
    I came home, with wet hair, and seeking of colour and with pedicure cream still on my toes.

    My dear H saw me and I started crying. I told him everything. He said he heard mom yell. So I asked him why didn't he stop mom or why didn't he inform that I have reached parlor only at 8.

    My hair is half black and half ash gold.
    I have cried over this for an hour and now writing it down.
    I have never felt so bad. The people in the parlor know me well and stay close by only.
    I don't think I can go there again.

    What do I do with such a MIL.
     
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  2. YoGirl

    YoGirl Gold IL'ite

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    OP,

    Everytime i go to parlour, i am in a hurry.. first of all , we get less time to get basic stuff done and then for extras its always a hassle.

    If you know ur MIL well, you shouldnt have picked up her call, or atleast not put her on speaker. You should have texted ur H after her missed calls asking if they needed you at home. H would have managed. Parlor is a luxury according to MIL and she might be thinking that you left household stuff at dinner time. Her mindset will not change. You need to act smart.
    As for parlour ppl, they know ur mil now. You will be given priority and hence less waiting..turn this to your advantage. :)
     
  3. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    You should have ignored her calls, finished your parlor visit and then gone home. Why do you give her so much power over you?
     
    sindmani and guesshoo like this.
  4. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    You always prioritise yourself over others.

    Especially others who bully you what you have done now is showed you mil that her screaming helps bring you "back on track". She had no bloody business ringing you and you had no business running back to her.

    Doesn't help. Go do what makes you feel good. Stop sharing everything with mil. She needn't know about the party. Nor the parlour. Keep your husband informed and let him know when you'll go and be back. the minute you take away mil's power things will be better.
     
    sindmani, Rise and NeetaR like this.
  5. chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

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    Op, You shud have turned a deaf ear to your MIL. MIL 's like to boss over DIL's always. By heeding you only make them bully you some more. Your husband heard MIL yet didn't do anything. You shud have mentioned it to him that he needs to stop his mom. Also tell him everybody heard her in parlor.

    Only time we women get to relax is such breaks. Next time don't pick up the phone or just leave message telling you will be late. Never talk to her directly telling you will be late. Just messages.If she screams or yells after you come back, look indifferent and walk away. Time you need to grow thick skin . Good Luck.
     
    NeetaR likes this.
  6. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    Please do not let your MIL walk over you and your life.
    Going to parlor is not a sin not is it a crime.
    Next time when she asks you for whose sake are you getting ready, tell her you don't need someone to praise you and that you are going to the parlor and getting dressed up to please yourself.
    Picking up her call is still okay but on speaker is a big no no. Not just MIL any call in a public place like parlor is not good to be put on speaker.
    You did not have to run home with your hair, mani, pedi half done - this gave her more power.
    Please stand up for yourself. You need to be assertive - not aggressive.
     
  7. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    Why do you have to put on the speaker?

    Anyways what happened has happened.
    Tell ur inlaws that it was not nice to tell and how embarrassed you were.also how the way she is treating you is not good

    Also finish the work tomorrow.worry later but get your treatments done.
     
  8. lalsang123

    lalsang123 Bronze IL'ite

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    When I too go to the beauty parlor I am always in a hurry because if I am a little late my mil would call me...i informed this to my husband and he spoke about this to his mother saying she is an adult and she knows what to do and she knows to take care of herself.. Now she knows that if she says something it would go to my husband and so she has controlled herself...
     
  9. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    So he couldn't stop her yelling at that time on phone, and also later when you came home and crying, then also he didn't talk to his mom.
    And you also stopped everything and ran to home.
    You both need to be strong, otherwise she will not change. Your power is when you stop reacting to either to her praises or yelling. Being calm and doing your stuff. Also include your H also in this kind of strategy. What will she do if you don't react? just say yes, I have work. Do whatever your chores related to home and then do your own stuff, and as said by others she doesn't need to know any of your work, party, parlor related details. Is she asks did u cut your hair? say yes. when, few days ago, like vague answer. when she asks again, i don't remember, i have so many things going on etc.

    At work place, ramp walk and forcing this in the name of team work doesn't sound good to me. Not because of how one looks but if a person doesn't want to do this then it should be okay .
     
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2016
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  10. Elsa

    Elsa Gold IL'ite

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    Yell back at your MIL the next time she shouts at you. If you are not ina position to yell at her, tell her in a calm and composed tone that you can take care of yourself and do not need her to be worried about you when you have already informed your husband and her that you are going to be late. Do not ask her for permission whenever you go out or when you have to stay back at work late. Just inform her. She will eventually understand and get used to the new rules.
     
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