1. Have an Interesting Snippet to Share : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Elders Are They Always Right

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by sunkan, Nov 14, 2007.

  1. sunkan

    sunkan Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    4,124
    Likes Received:
    236
    Trophy Points:
    153
    Gender:
    Female
    dear aruna,
    elders are great only their language, we should only tackle the issue and not the person, they have nothing to do with the bad habit that they have cultivated...sunkan
     
  2. latamurali

    latamurali Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,154
    Likes Received:
    78
    Trophy Points:
    110
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear sunkan mam

    Very nice topic.........i often used to think about this...........elders are not always right, iam sorry, now-a-days they have changed a lot.in their attitude, in maintaining relationship in the family.in all aspects ..our thatha and patti are not like our kollu thatha and patti...........

    But........we cant answer them in return....even in my family(my appa's side) all male members used to speak abusive words very often.....pakka tanjorenas..........and lot of quotes and proverbs also they use.........not good one.s........

    I GO WITH SRINIKETAN WORDS........she has told everything .whatever i feel like telling............even at times my hubby also used to say something.............but not to the family members.......while driving........he used to say that........

    And, she has told wonderfully that..............I heard somewhere that people use abusive language because they hear lot of people saying that and in frustation, they use those words without thinkingbonk.................:iagreewith her, even thats my opinion............

    But if my mom is wrong, i will definitely shout at her and even politely explain her that she is wrong..............but in the case of my inlaws or someother relative.......even to my dad....attimes............iam helpless..................

    As somebody told, we are not used to it.talking back elders........even if they are wrong........


    And sunkan mam, u say that word in english and it sounds somewhat .ok...but i heard lot of people saying that in tamil........and it sounds very .......bad.....hurting............in my family all my elders used to shout ONLY IN FRONT OF 3RD PERSONS..........adhu avalukku periya perumai........not only shout........they will also throw.plates,tumblers..whatever they feel like.........OMG.............iam upset....i have seen lot of scenes like this in my own family...............we (myssiters all used to cry seeing this......but we are helpless..........bayandhu nadunguvom.........trust me...........iam getting my old memoeries.............i cant control my feelings..........:-:)cry::cry::cry:..................ENOUGH..........i dont want the present generation to follow our elders in this matter..............let me pray GOD..........(Thank God, my hubby is soft and nice person)........ ofcourse, nothing like that has happend to me..........but to my mom,chitthi, perima......all faced lot like this...........

    Let all of us teach our kids............not to use those words.............even at worse situation..........

    with tears

    latamurali
     
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2007
  3. subbi

    subbi New IL'ite

    Messages:
    81
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Female
     
  4. Traveller

    Traveller Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    4,776
    Likes Received:
    82
    Trophy Points:
    135
    Gender:
    Female
    i think elders (i mean of our parent's generation) etc., have grown up with a different set of rules. Even though they themselves had to come out of their family settings and move elsewhere i don't think they ever got to experience life as we do with our husbands/wives, children coz of the strict do's and don'ts. many of these elders, i think, totally understand the crap they utter to their dils or even to their own children and relatives. But they don't want to accept it... all ego! Even my grandma's generation, I've seen first hand very orthodox ladies handing down traditions etc., in a pleasant way rather than shout and abuse. So may be it also depends on how these elders were brought up... some don't want to repeat the torture that they went thro as youngsters and some think now it's my time to take revenge.

    And one common thing I found is... as my fil very often says... we never even used to sit in front of my father, we never asked him any questions. In those days may be it was possible for whatever reasons. but i think he too expects the same out of his children and when that doesn't happen he directs the blame on me saying i spoilt his son. with my parents i tell them plainly if i feel what they say is not correct. but my inlaws i've learnt to ignore because some people want to only find fault with everything. but parents should also understand and accept the fact that (this is applicable to us too when our children grow up) their children have also seen the world and have experience in life.
     
  5. sunkan

    sunkan Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    4,124
    Likes Received:
    236
    Trophy Points:
    153
    Gender:
    Female
     
  6. sunkan

    sunkan Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    4,124
    Likes Received:
    236
    Trophy Points:
    153
    Gender:
    Female
    dear traveller,
    very right you are but they are unable to give up certain habits, like a stupid is nothing for us all those slang is nothing to them but something too degrading to us...sunkan
     
  7. roopadadia

    roopadadia Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,783
    Likes Received:
    57
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Sunkan,

    A great topic that you have started....i have seen this in my masi's house. The entire family, mother and all the children use such abusive language while talking...that they speak the same way when people are around, but for them its like a normal thing as all relate in the same way and so the DILs also started using the same language over a period of time. But here i assure you that there were no hard feelings. Even we sometimes used to tell our masi what language you are talking ...and she will say they don't understand anything elsebonk

    As many of our friends have mentioned that it is out of frustaration etc....but i don't agree that it is always out of frustration. It is out of habit and sometimes this olanguage to meaningfully hurt the other person if they have not accepted them as a part of the family.

    The only way the younger generation can stop it is ...by making the parents understand that kids learn what they see and to make them better adults we need to forgo such foul language or any other vices that we have to benefit the kids. I have seeen that some parents are understanding but some counter argue that you will teach us haow to bring up kids. The son will have to take the initiative of opposing such behaviour of the parents and not the DIL. Also the son should make his parents understnad that if the parents want the youngsters to respect them then they should learn to give respect as well to all the family members.

    In gujjus i have seen this happening more often in joint families and this sparks off the itiching for kids to separate from the house and build a nest of their own rather than hearing the same music everyday.

    Just my opinion.

    Roopa.
     
  8. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    13,153
    Likes Received:
    5,818
    Trophy Points:
    545
    Gender:
    Male
    Sunkan

    very nice bloog.I agree with u sometimes elders lose their mental balance and become neurotic, and it can be embarassing at times.

    God knows how to handle these sensitive situations.Regards.kamal
     
  9. sunkan

    sunkan Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    4,124
    Likes Received:
    236
    Trophy Points:
    153
    Gender:
    Female
    dear roopa,
    you think the children are in a position to tell their father he is wrong and can he get away with it, no, the only rebuke is vaya mududa badava, dont show your high handedness here, i am not using this language new, and you have grown up with it, so what is the new wife triggering you to tell all this, that is y i call her a b---- now you understand.. so now tell me where the turn of events go, it goes from bad to worse and the children walk out..sunkan
     
  10. sunkan

    sunkan Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    4,124
    Likes Received:
    236
    Trophy Points:
    153
    Gender:
    Female
    dear kamalji,
    this is a habit of the language in the south, they grow with it, calling like you have in punjab, calling all sister's raper and so on, and the one in kolkata is sala to all and every situation, this particular habit lands some in grave consequence, and only later they think the new breed are a funny lot not able to adjust, literally taking the meaning to heart, arrey sala bol diya tho kya thoo sala ban jayega...kind of stuff...sunkan
     

Share This Page