Education = Empowerment, Illiteracy = Vulnerability? Think again!

HI Sats
This has become a general discussion thread.
I was thinking more on this.

I feel education should not be looked upon as a problem solver but as a catalyst.
It helps in creating awareness and to make informed decisions whether the person is employed or not.

Chemistry or history degrees will not teach you how to deal with a problematic spouse directly. However, knowing a little about how people lived in yesteryears and knowing something about atoms, opens up a world of the unknown.

We become more aware that there are things beyond just eating and sleeping.

Education is only the key to the door. The more we know more doors open. Each individual chooses to use the key to open one, or many, the right, the wrong, or no doors.

Just before applying for my higher education I expressed to my husband my wish to study further .
He said, "stop studying and start learning". That statement made me look at education in the proper perspective.

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This is just out of curiosity. Not meant to undermine your stance in any way.
I know this thread is just looking at from a woman's perspective. However, I was thinking if the roles were changed how would we as a society treat this.

Suppose a wife commits adultery; she also does not contribute in earning anything for the family. She is also lazy, does not maintain the home. Let us assume she has no education to help her find a job.

The husband still goes along with the marriage to give the children a family atmosphere, or out of pity knowing she cannot earn, or for the extended family's sake.

Would the society blame him for not using his education properly? Won't the society blame him as cruel if he chooses to throw her out?

There are situations like this too where the man is disgusted with wife's habits but still stays in a marriage.
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So my conclusion is what I said earlier. Education is to help us develop ourselves and not a development as is.

Thanks for a post that made me think. You do give my brain some workout, girl!!

 

Dear Satchi, Such a thought provoking post. It is true that however educated and independent our women folk are, when it comes to walking out of marriage, it becomes very difficult for them. I think that we have been brought up that way. The only advice a woman receives from her parents or whoever she turns to for help is that "kalyanam aayiram kaalathu payir" meaning marriage should last for ever and only the women fold should adjust and adapt their life. The society also looks down the women who lives a separated life. But when the woman realises that the so called society doesn't come to her rescue when she is in utter distress, she decides wisely and boldly. Thank you for a nice post. Regards,

 

Thanks Sats for a very thoughtful answer to my hypothetical question.

I don't know whether/or how many men forgive adultery Sats. I wonder if statistics exists based on this.

We may never know because if a man decides to forgive his wife he will not talk to anyone about it. There is no need to.

It does not mean that there are no men who are magnanimous at heart.

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Just a clarification:

I attributed all those characteristics to just one woman who is really mirroring
the behavior of the man in question in the original post. I thought you called the fellow a parasite. That's why I had to add the word lazy.
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Have a happy weekend.

 

Dear Satchi - Thank you for the detailed response.

After I hit sent I also realized that there was another point that I wanted to mention.

Since we are talking about educated and literate women, there is a possibility that we turn the discussion around and ask - why educated and well-placed men behave in oppressive fashion. I forgot to add that asking the wife "why don't you walk away" puts more blame on her. Shouldn't we also be asking the man "why he is behaving this way?" What happened to all the education and literacy? For the relationship to work, both have to take some burden.

One of my extremely close friend, who I know to be so confident and so strong-willed told me recently that a routine argument with her husband turned nasty. The guy went on to strangle her and she had to kick him hard to save herself. She threatened to file a police complaint and says that since then her husband and she do have fights but he's never gotten physically abusive.

I know of a friend (A) who is in a physically abusive relationship, when another friend (B) told her that B's husband pocketed her entire pay check and does not even give her money for basic necessities. A told her "what are you complaining about, not that you are going hungry! You should be thankful he does not beat you at least!" That is the sad situation.

It really wonders me sometimes, why educated men who seem to have it all together and have had exposure behave in this way at times and I wonder is it because consciously and sub-consciously human cultures have normalized violence against women. There are so many forms of violence - emotional and financial but somewhere we believe that as long as there is no physical abuse it is okay to continue in a relationship.

Our movies, songs, pop-culture, it exists everywhere subtly and not so subtly - and it is as if we are scared of questioning it.

I think maybe having gender sensitized education both at home and at school is a good place to start.

P.S - the entire argument about infidelity challenged me to think in a different way, I will reflect upon it. But it also reminded me of two Hindi movies that I absolutely love - Arth and Astitva.

I think Arth was revolutionary in many ways because the wife does not accept the husband back after his infidelity. In fact, she questions him that had she returned to him after having an extra marital affair, would he accept her and he honestly replies "No."
A friend once very poignantly stated that in Arth, Shabana Azmi plays the wronged wife but in real life she had an affair with the much married Javed Akhtar!

Sorry got carried away a little but I guess the movies discussion is for another thread

 

One more angle is also there. Quite some men also suffer in a marriage. They just go on suffering to be with children. I know a person who sticked to the marriage in spite of all the emotional abuse (which is worst of all kinds of abuses). I asked him why? What he told is that he is there to be with his daughter and be there to see all her development and various phases of growth. Daughter also loves her father very much. They are in USA...he is a scientist and she a doctor. They are living in a country where society does not raise their voice or comment on anyone's personal life. But he made his choice. Daughter is studying medicine and that man is in late 50s.So, life doesn't follow a rule and rhyme. It is much more complicated.

Syamala