Eating disorders, Pregnancy, Stress and the whole shebang.

annabunny · Jun 26, 2014

Hello Ladies,

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this. Mods please feel free to move to a more appropriate forum.
I am 23yrs old,5 feet 7'' and currently, hold your breath, 17stone or 108 kg or 238 lbs.
During my teens I struggled with anorexia and bulimia and was severely underweight and abused my body for years and only stopped when my periods stopped. I have always had issues with food and just can't get my head around eating roti subzi dal like other normal people.

I was 19 when I got pregnant and my Doc advised me to up my calorie intake if I wanted the baby to survive. At the moment I was eating anywhere from 500-800 calories per day. I had a myriad of other things going on in my life at that time and started comfort eating. From one extreme to another!! The day I went into labour I was a whopping 18.1 stone or 115kg, or 253 lbs. My maternity file had a history of anorexia so doctors, nurses, husband were really happy to see me fat tbh and never once mentioned the weight gain as it could be triggering.
I gained 65 effin kilograms in 9 months.

After I delivered I no longer had that excuse of eating whatever I wanted so the guilt crept in however I was and still am in a very stressful place in life. Special emphasis on STRESS here.

Almost 3 yrs after pregnancy I confided with my GP about my binge eating patterns and after a few consultations with some other ED specialists I was diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder. The thing is that I have to be a in-hospital patient for 2 weeks to start with the rehab program but I cannot afford to go as I have no childminder, friend, nanny,help or any family support in the country. My husband works 60 hour weeks and cannot take 2 weeks off work to be at home with our kid. I also work part-time so that would mean having to take 2 weeks off which with my kind of job, is next to impossible.

I struggle with my weight everyday. I also have Pulmonary Embolism and my doc has advised me to lose weight but it's easier said than done when you have an Eating Disorder. Although I felt 100 times worse when I was anorexic I at least had people's compliment's on being 'Skinny' and "tall and thin" so it kind of made it worth it. But when you are double the size you are meant to be people look at you differently esp when you are a woman. I doubt a fat man gets the harsh comments that a fat woman does.

I really want a middle ground. I want to be healthy and not be bones or a beached whale but all the struggles around me leave my no option but to carry on the way I am. I do not discuss ED's with my parents as they don't really understand eating disorders. They have the "Yoga heals everything, even gay people" view that Baba Ramdev preaches. My husband although supportive of me does not really understand what I am dealing with and has labelled it as a "First World Problem" so I don't discuss with him.

I also have weird eating habits like I can't eat in front of people, or at work, I only eat when I am alone. I recently travelled home to India for a period of 2 weeks and consumed nothing but Black coffee for 14 days, had ZERO appetite. Back here and my Binge eating habits returned. Why can't I just be normal!! I pray everyday and ask god to give me the strength to stop obsessing over my weight and food or in my dad's words, "Just man up".

I am terribly sorry for the long writeup but do any of you have any sort of advice for me? How do I get out of the this vicious circle and eat 3 square meals a day without feeling guilt or wanting to throw up.My ideal weight would be 60kgs. That's where I want to be in life. I have never seen anyone talk about ED's on this forum but since you ladies tend to have suggestions and solutions for almost all problems I though I would share my problem with you.

Thanks.
ANNAbunny.

annabunny · Jun 28, 2014

75 views and no response. I am assuming maybe it's because it's a difficult topic to advise about? I can understand as it took me almost 6 months to even get a doctor's appointment as it was a nonemergency case. I have been listening to some really calming audiotapes that I had been given by my consultant last year. Not sure if they work or not as i fall asleep 10 mins into listening to them.

Anyway i will still post regular updates incase anyone else is going through the same issues. I have come off Clexane injections now which is a relief as they always left big bruises on my tummy. Atleast one positive thing today

sweetypi · Jun 28, 2014

Anna, What is your present diet like ?
Do you like fruits and veggies ?

annabunny · Jun 28, 2014

My diet it fine I think, I cook Lunch and dinner at home so its usually things like rotis, dal, sambhar, subji, etc. The problem is the portion sizing. I have bigger servings than I should, i acknowledge that. I love fruits as well, but again same
problem, cannot stop at one. My consultant had prescribed a medicine to me which is given to Binge ED patients to kill appetite but I had to discontinue because It could not go hand in hand with my embolism meds.

SGA · Jun 28, 2014

No idea about diet and ED..... Do u do any kind of workout ?

If u cant control your portion , exercise may help

annabunny · Jun 28, 2014

SGA- I do yoga in the morning for half an hour. Apart from that I exercise rarely- maybe once a week. You are right, I need to exercise more for a start. Let's see what can be done today. Waiting for my DS to take a nap then I can get a small workout done.

ChandrikaV · Jun 28, 2014

Dear Anna,

Try to remove soft drinks like coke, sugar, white flour from your meals. Forget about 3 square meals. Try to have 3 small meals and 3 snacks. Try not to eat out for a few weeks. When you start, you are going to feel hungry and would want to grab everything in sight. Make your house junk proof. Store only things that are good for you. You have one huge advantage on your side , your age. If you put your mind you can lose easily. Take your husband's help....let him take care of the baby when you walk for 20 mins a day at night. When you see the weight dropping, you will be more motivated. you need to lose the weight and be off the meds for your child. Please take care and come here often for moral support.

annabunny · Jun 28, 2014

Hello Chandrika,

Thanks for the encouragement. I am going to stop buying biscuits for my ds, He does not have more than 2 a day but I finish the rest so will avoid the temptation all together.
I hear many ladies on IL forum advice against eating rice. Is rice bad for me? Sorry if that's a stupid question.

Regards,
Annabunny.

SGA · Jun 28, 2014

Yoga may not help much do reduce weight .... Try to start brisk walk for 20-30 min...

If u cant stop eating .... Try it with workout ..... with time u may be able to control your diet

Start your food with salad or soup .... Then any veg with roti .... you may feel full and may eat less rice or oily stuff

Laks09 · Jun 28, 2014

Hi Anna,
Don't be too hard on yourself. It is tough to take card of babies. It's a lot of stress. You have an ED on top of it, the stress is probably making you binge.
Do you have a counsellor for guiding you through your issues? With a history of Anorexia, you don't want to do anything to go back there. I would suggest you talk to a professional while you make other changes.

Remember, all that weight didn't come on in a day. Don't set unrealistic goals for yourself. Take it slow. Don't go by the scale, make healthy choices, add exercise into your routine and start slow. Remember that the journey of a thousand miles began with aaa single step.

Try to do things in weekly increments. In the first week, try to reduce your consumption of any liquid calories other than water. If you drink coffe/juice/come etc, reduce it to 1/2 times a day in total. Add milk to your diet if required to replace other drinks. Drink atleast 8 8oz cups of water a day.

Once you get used to that, try and look at your diet closely. I can't say a thing since I don't know what your daily food intake is. Can you write down what a sample daily food intake is for you including things like juice/snacks/water/vitamins etc. also, how tall are you.
After you clean up your diet some, work on getting used to that for 2-3 weeks for it to become routine. Then start adding additional exercises. Walking is the best for someone starting up after being sedentary. Try starting with 20 mins brisk walks a day and work your way up. Slowly as you build a good walking base you can add other exercises to your routine - strength training, group exercise classes, running, biking, swimming etc. swimming is the best when you are overweight. It doesn't hurt your joins. Find an activity you enjoy, otherwise you won't ever stick to it. If you don't have even one preferred activity, figure out what is least objectionable to you and start there. Over time, you'll get to like working out and add things to your routine.

Btw, with cutting food,Don't cut out drastically and don't cut out any one food group completely. You need to do this the right way this time to ensure you stay healthy. You can do it. Just take baby steps. Give yourself a very long term goal. Maybe 18 months - 2 years for hitting a healthy BMI.

HTH,
L