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Dung Dollars

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Balajee, Mar 4, 2020.

  1. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Once, when I was a kid, I contracted jaundice. My mother firmly believed yhat jaundice cannot be cured by medicines but needed a touch of magic. So she took me to an old lady who specialized in such miracle cures.

    The lady put a needle in a copper cup filled with water, uttered some mumbo jumbo with her eyes closed. Then she took out the needle and showed the water to us. ‘’See how yellow it is’ she said ‘’ that shows that the boy has severely been affected by jaundice’’.

    She prescribed, a salt-free diet, curd and fruits ‘’ Above all, keep him away from school ‘’ she said as my mind did a joyful jig.


    I was healed in a couple of weeks and my mother attributed it to the shaman lady but I am inclined to think it is due to the diet.

    A decade or so ago Delhi city buses used to have notices pasted inside them of a baba who promised to cure people of cancer and AIDS with the help of goddess Kali. Too bad that the World Health Organization and Indian government didn’t utilize his services.

    In this age of coronavirus , there is a spurt of miracle cures. In Iran, one of thr worst hit countries, where five per cent of its parliament is reportedly infected with the virus, people are licking the doors of a dargah and a grave there

    Evamgelical pastors in US see the virus as ‘’God’s angel of death’’ sent to punish those who refuse to accept the True Path. No point in telling them that Christian Italy has the highest number of corona virus infections in Europe. They will probably say Italians being Catholics aren’t true Christians. One wise pastor has advised all Chinese to become Christians to escape the wrathful angel of God.


    That is all rubbish of course, only we Indians have the right medicine to wipe out the virus, what else but the outpourings from the bladder and bowels of our dear mother cow.

    The Hondu Mahasabha has recommended cowdung and urine to fight the virus. THIS has been endorsed by a BJP leader from Assam. THEY ALL DESERVE THIS YEAR’S NOBEL FOR MEDIINE.

    Now I see a pot of gold at the end of the coronavirus rainbow for Mera Bharat Mahaan. I eye a massuve surge in our foreign exchange reserves through export of gomutra and cowdung to China and other badly hit countries.

    But there is a catch here at least for a ’’ glass is half empty type like me. For what is the guarantee that the stuff getting exported is the real McCoy. Its origin could well be buffalo bladders. I haven’t closely examing the outpourings from buffalos and cows but I suppose they look like identical twins. Our dear land has conmen and crooked entrepreneurs aplenty and they could pass off the wrong bovine urine and dung as ‘’Made by gomata’’.

    But this has a bright side too. THE GOVERNMENT WILL HAVE TO SET UP LABS TO TEST THE STUFF AND DECLARE IT TO BE EXPORT WORTHY. So a large number of people will get jobs in these labs. They also stand to make fat amounts on the side by Certifying them not so real McCoy as export worthy.

    Who knows soon the world might talk about dung dollars and pee dollars like petrodollars.
     
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  2. sln

    sln Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Balajee,
    Right subject at the right time .Trump will not agree as this will add to the adverse trade balance.Already Amazon is selling Gomutra 500 ml pack at Rs.200.Similarly 24 pieces of cow dung cake are available at Rs.179. In our grahapavesam a relative lady helped herself to a generous quantity of Gomutra fresh from the source.I was petrified.Today the lady [85] lives by herself after her husbands death.She travels to Middle east,US and Canada all by herself without knowing English.Her children started discussion on the division of the property three years back but she has told them to hang on.I have some doubts now whether this has something to do with the Gomutra as she was a permanent fixture in many such functions.
    Regards.SLN
     
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  3. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Balajee,

    Sometimes, I believe the Indian cricketers have come from the villages when they helped their moms to throw the cow dung flawlessly into a wall to make dry Cow dung. Why have fancy MRF Foundation and training conducted by Australian Dennis Lillee when the village boys could do a much better job in an informal setting?

    Prime Minister Morarji Desai invented the cure of diseases through drinking of urine and we can't forget his intellectual property right when we are enjoying a leap year as he was born on February 29th. Corona Virus is immune to the smell of urine and dung and hence may not budge to this style of treatment. As you say, it may bring in an entirely new industry with the export market for India. Still, Villagers who have the raw material available in plenty will be paid a fixed price and the government will fix it for the middlemen.

    While the Hindu fundamentalists celebrate this invention as divine intervention, President Trump will introduce a tariff for Cow dung and urine import into the United States. He is already on denial of the Coronavirus. Perhaps, he may decide an import of steak as he is a big fan of steak but it is hard to make the Indian government admit that steak is a cure for Coronavirus. The Chinese are perfectly capable of pinning Coronavirus through their Acupuncture method. I wonder why no soap company ad was released stating that a particular soap helps to wash the Coronavirus effectively.
     
    Last edited: Mar 4, 2020
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  4. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    @Balajee
    Looks like this is medicine: She prescribed, a salt-free diet, curd and fruits ‘’
    As I was also cured with same diet: curd rice with no salt and banana

    I got Jaundice when I was in 6th std. Doctor gave medicines and said I can eat everything, I did vomits and got sick, no improvement.

    With somebody's advice at my dad workplace, my mom took me to a place where they give jaundice medicine, it is some leaves paste mixed in butter milk, we used to go for several days, with few days gap in between. And the food I could eat was curd rice with no salt and banana. Till now I don't mix salt to my curd rice. I got this habit from then.
    I still remember the bench in the small village railway station my mom and me sitting waiting for train to return back home. When I travel in the same route I still see that bench.
    My mom don't know how many times did this kind of travels, we are 4 kids, taking to next town hospitals, and waiting to return home, in the bus stops or train stations, if very sick, kid sleeping in her lap. She did so much when we are sick never said any harsh word doing that much..Thank you mom.
     
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  5. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Balajee,

    Sorry for another intervention. I had accompanied my mom to take a needle in water treatment for Jaundice as well. After growing up, I figured out Liv-52 is the best medicine for Jaundice.
     
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  6. HariLakhera

    HariLakhera Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Shri Balajee,
    Please write to Modiji. He may take you in PMO for such a wonderful suggestion. The only glitch is that it is already selling in the USA. I was told one 100ml fill of Gomutra is sold for $120 in New Jersey.
    I wonder why other countries do not find the magic in the dung and mutra of their own cows?
    There were times when cows were fed satvik grass in the villages and some other nutritious mix but now the cows are all westernized in the company of bulls from Holland. I have seen them eating left over Pizza.
     
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  7. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    SLN Amazon should hire you as a business consultant. You are giving them great ideas Don't be surprised if telemarketers promote gomutra on the small screen soon with some film star without work extolling its virtues.
     
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  8. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    vISWA NOT ONLY CRICKET T DANCING TE REASON WY OR LADIES ARE CO SMMATE DANCERS IS IN VILLAGES TEY DANCE ON COWDNG TO FLATTEN IT NOT ONLY SPORTS , YO SEE rineIT ALSOO CONTRITES TO CLTRE, TE EXCRETA OF OR DEAR MOTER COW FORGET MAN OR ANIMAL RINE, NOW A STDY SAYS ALCOOL CAN FIGT CORONAVIRS WILL GIVE TE VIRS CIRRHOSIS OF TE LIVER PROALY
     
  9. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    yes I rememer tere is also some er tat is supposed to cure jaundice
     
  10. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:@Balajee @sln @Viswamitra @KashmirFlower @HariLakhera
    Cow slaughtering industry has taken a nosedive much to the rejoice Gomathi worshippers as all of you in way or the other hinted at newer opportunities across the globe for trade by converting dung & urine packed in huge containers exported by chartered flights.

    2. The cows are fed excessively with haystack grass resulting skyrocketing prices for the handlers, packers, careers, et al.

    3. We are taught to see opportunities in distress. Let us make a good measure of it using our saints as go getters.
    • Research to be intensified to discover potential of bulls’ dung and urine to have similar efficacious effect on viruses
    • Central Institute for Research on Cattle, Bull semen Research Laboratory, CIRC Meerut, Meerut, bull semen preservation Frieswal Project, Quality Semen of bulls, Higher Milk Production, Frieswal Project Bull, A ...To be suitably advised by the concerned ministry to intensify research ...

    4. Funtastic feedbacks - kudos to you all for the humour infested serious views for the world over to consider.
    Thanks and Regards.

    GOD - go Matha Our kula Matha.
     

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