Drink during social get togethers

First things first...............do not feel guilty. You have not deprived him of any judicious pleasures of life. As a wife, your efforts to make him stop drinking, is certainly NOT something to be guilty about.

Second, from your version, your husband seems to be having perfect control over the frequency of his drinking habit. If we assume, that his version of he giving up his drinks in his favourite get togethers and parties, just to HONOUR THE PROMISE HE HAS GIVEN TO YOU, then, let me tell you, you are one of the luckies women in this world.

Because, most men (the men, I know), cheat on this context. I and my male friends, have several times promised to our wives, that we wont drink. But, we have safely taken a peg (30ml / 60 ml) or two of alcohol, in parties, away from the knowledge of our wives.

A man like your hubby, who takes every effort to honour his promise to you, DESERVES SPECIAL APPRECIATION.

Now, coming to the subject of what is meant by social drinking.......and what is 'getting into addiction' ?

Most of those who do social drinking, DO NOT DEVELOP addiction.
However, THERE IS A MINIMAL UNDENIABLE RISK OF GETTING ADDICTION.

If you feel, you should permit your hubby to enjoy his occasional cocktail party, here are the guidelines, you can use - to prevent him getting addicted.

1) Mark the days of his alcohol intake on a calender, with information to him. (steadily increasing frequency is a sign of addiction)

2) There should be no day, in which he takes alcohol alone. (drinking alone is a sign of getting into addiction)

3) There should be black outs. (a black out means, next day after a drinking session, he forgets every thing he did , he spoke etc)

4) He should stop with two or three pegs only. Going on peg after peg, upto eight , nine and ten, is a sign of getting into addiction

5) Vomitting during /after the party is a sign that he has no idea of how much he can tolerate. It is a sign of recklessness and increases the chances of addiction.

6) He should not try to drive after drinking. (people who claim, they can safely drive, despite drinking, are doing a senseless justification and they are possibly going into addiction.........because of their own strong belief that what they are doing is right. )

7) He should not forego / cancel any other important social committment or job committment to give preference to his alcohol party with friends {for example, you, him and your kid are supposed to go to your son's friends' birthday party..to drop your son there. Your hubby now asks you to drop ur son at his(son's) friends' house , by yourself in an autorickshaw, so that he (hubby) can join his alcohol party with colleagues }

People, who are capable of containing their drinking habit, strictly within social drinking level........................ are so many. I am one among them.

So, if your man is confident that he will never stretch his drinking habit from social drinking to addiction, then your man can be allowed to drink, occasionally.


Keeping the above said, calculated risk in mind, you and him have to closely monitor for any signs of addiction.

In that case, a cocktail party and dance after that................is certainly not bad.

(My wife does not mind me drinking once in a while.)

This is my suggestion. Decision is your personal one.

 

Go easy on him. You can judge a persons’ character when living with him, and if you think he is responsible enough in other matters, I think he would be so in this drinking aspect as well. Grown ups, so he will take care don’t worry.

I am sure you are an educated lady and you know the answer for yourself. Whether or not social drinking (a peg or two, not more than that) is harmful – do you honestly think it is harmful? No or may be yes. Your subconscious thoughts like ‘drinking is a sin’ have planted such ideas in ur mind without you knowing it I feel.

On another note, do not get me wrong please. I want to spill all the possibilities out infront of you, so you would analyze. Too much of anything is bad (here you could say drinking or suppressing). Please remember that he should never feel oblidged/compelled/suppressed/suffocated. Although he does it voluntarily out of love, there is always a threshold.

Its about some of my friends. Their girlfriends/wives want them to quit smoking/drinking for no reason. All they know is if he quits smoking – then he loves me else he does not. And some feel its sin. It’s like old generation parents saying ‘NO’ to a love marriage without even bothering to know what the groom/bride is like? getting it? As long as it is within limits and he is able to carry himself – I think is fine. My friends sometimes feel suffocated and want to be away from them. We don’t want that to happen do we?

I would expect something of this sort from my wife ‘I know you and have trust in you. Whatever you do, you will do with me, kids and responsibility towards us in your mind. So enjoy yourself socially. I would not feel bad if you had a shot or two responsibly. “

PS: I was a drunkard and smoker prior to marriage. Quit post marriage, out of my own will as wife does not like that alcohol stench. She has never asked me to quit. So I don’t have that pressure upon me. Something weird I would share here; she wants to get me all drunk and likes to see me when out of my senses.

 

My hubby drank and smoked before marriage.

I had a problem with the smoking and asked him to stop completely, which he did. Dh has been smoke free now for about 5 years. :thumbsup

About the drinking... I feel drinking in MODERATION is completely 'ok'. Habitual drunkeness is not good. But the ocassional drink... I don't see that as a problem. I don't drink, but only because I don't like the taste. Usually my dh has a couple drinks on the weekend, or if friends come over he'll have a beer. Once upon a time he used to drink a lot more, but now that he is trying to watch his weight he has cut back a lot.

I think you should give a little space to your dh to do as he wants. Smoking, even a little bit, is VERY dangerous to health. But a little drinking is not harmful. In fact they say a glass of wine is good for health.

Just a thought!

 

[JUSTIFY]

Hey don't feel guilty about it...its not at all a mistake to stop him from drinking. Infact you are helping him

Just my 2 cents...

Why don't you give him freedom/options in any other matter other than just drinking ? Are you sure he won't get addicted to it even if it starts with 50-50% probability ?? What if he gets addicted slowly might be in next 20 years down the lane (he might not get addicted too)? But why take the chance ?? Why to create a chance for drinking and again moderate it with caution and again cause some kind of friction between you both if he doesn't abide to the precautions or whatever ?? Why give that chance. Instead give him freedom etc etc in whatever matter he wants other than drinking... Give him space...allow him to spend time with friends.... or pursue his hobby or whatever.

All this is just my opinion
[/JUSTIFY]

 

Yeah me either. I HATE smoke smell. I'm so glad my dh doesn't smoke anymore. Actually a couple of weekends ago we were at our community swimming pool and lot of people were there smoking. We had to leave early because the smoke smell was making us feel sick. My stomach hurt the rest of the night. Ewww.

 

Indianguy2010 reminds me of Kareena's fiancee in 3 Idiots.....

"Mark the days of his alcohol intake on a calender, with information to him" - what the heck, is this some homework schedule.

Indianguy you need to chill out, life is not mathematics...

But overall I agree with the concept, drinking in moderation and mostly socially shud be fine ..BUT I WUDN'T RECOMMEND TIMETABLE/CALENDAR MARKING PLEASE )

 

Yes, payal. The monitoring of the frequency of alcohol intake should be done in a subtle way. Not very very openly.