Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Madhurima, Nov 8, 2007.
Very rightly said, why blame the men always, woman who have paid dowry are equally at fault.
Women don't oblige for dowry demands. It is the ILs who poison the atmosphere and to some extent the parents too. Nowadays as someone said here, nobody asks for dowry as such, they instead ask for gifts like costly clothes for the groom and his party and a grand wedding. If one were to go strictly by the rules, the groom is also supposed to pay for the wedding chain aka mangalasutra and the groom's parents also have to gift the bride some jewelry. And this is something they DON'T want to in spite of the fact that the bride will anyhow keep the jewelry with her, so it's all in the groom's family finally. Like this gentleman JKA who thinks he can collect an advance amount for getting a wife. Look at how he is keeping tabs on how much he is spending on his wife, if possible he would even charge others for maintaining himself. After all feeding oneself is also a lot of work!! It is a very dirty business because based on how weak the girl is , it becomes a scheme for squeezing gifts and money from the bride's parents. Nowadays there are parents too who are demanding gifts for their daughters, unfortunately this happens in cases where the boy is all too keen on living with the girl no matter how stupid she behaves. It is all or none and it is more or less a power play. Nothing to do with traditions.
Groom or bride or family/social evil it is. No doubt on that. Why should one be a party to that willingly or unwillingly?
You're pathetic. How can you say daughters are worthless. Without your mother, you'll be non-existent... and your father will not be able to pass down his family name. Your concept of dowry is just plain wrong, i don't know why it is still being practice.
Dowry was popular amongst noble British families with daughters long time ago because women at that time are not allowed to keep their inheritance under their name. The daughters need to be married off so that the inheritance can be transferred to the husband'd name and stay within the family since the husband is most likely a distant relative.
I have seen a recent case where bride groom (My cousin)& his family didn't ask for any dowry but bride's parents wanted give dowryy because they said they don't want to send their daughter as poor girl from a poor family (STATUS& Prestige)...
My great grandmother's dad was paid hefty kanyashulkam (bride price, a very common tradition in Telugu Brahmins until couple of generations back). She was married to a man who was way older than her father at the age of 8 years. She was widowed at the age of 16 shortly after giving birth to her only daughter (my grand mom). The money her father received went to her brothers education and building a terrace house for his family in which my great grandmother was not given any share. She raised my grandma single handedly with her late husbands meager agricultural land income.
Dowry or kanyashulkam it is not the custom but the people who make the girl suffer. If parents are sensible they would choose(or let their daughter choose) a good man.
BTW I am not against dowry if that is willingly given to bride and stays with bride.
No law can ever stop dowry. If a father gives a lot of dowry to his daughter, what law can do? How will the police know that dowry has been given? And even if it comes to know, what can it do?
Law can come into force only when the bride has been physically tortured. I never suggested that boy side should torture the bride for dowry. What I am suggesting is that the girl’s side should understand that there are a lot of expenses of life which they should share on their own.
I have proved conclusively that it’s the girl’s side who is actually demanding. A wrong impression has been created by Indian society that boys demand.
Who demands that the boy should have a high salary/income? Girl or boy?
Who demands that boy should be well-settled in life? Girl or boy?
(I hope you know what is the meaning of well-settled. Fully furnished house, car, AC etc etc.)
Who demands that boy’s father should have a lot of immovable property? Girl or boy?
Who demands jewelry at the time of marriage? Girl or boy?
Who demands wedding silk saris and dresses costing thousands and lakhs of Rupees? Girl or boy?
In comparison, boys demand nothing. They simply expect that the girl’s side also shares a bit of the expenses of life which a married couple has to incur in their life. You may call it cdowry, stree-dhan or anything you want.
When a guest comes to my house to stay with me for a few days, I give him a few small gifts when he departs. Similarly, when I visit any of my relatives, friends etc. for 1 or 2 days, they also give me gifts while I am leaving.
Now, when you are marrying away your daughter to somebody and sending her away from your house forever, you do not want to give her anything. Why? After all, she has been living with you for 20-25-30 years. And you claim that you love her very much. You claim she is your beloved. I am just not able to understand.
Why does Indian society expect that only the boy or boy’s father spends for everything required in life? Has the boy or his father done some crime? Has the father done a sin of giving birth to a boy? Is it a curse (‘abhishap’) to take birth as a boy? Being a boy is so bad? Why?
And why does Indian society think that a woman should get each and everything in life totally and completely free? Why should she get even costliest things free of cost, e.g., a house which costs lakhs and crores? A car, jewelry everything. Why taking birth as a woman is so good? Why it is a boon? A privilege? What is so great with women?
Can anybody explain this difference between a man and a woman?
Are you talking about a wife or paying guest? ----- I am talking about a life-companion who shares with me everything in life equally, who is not a huge financial burden on me and who does not consider me as an ATM from which she can keep on withdrawing any amount of money anytime without ever having need to deposit any money.
Who takes care of the kids? Who manages the house? What about cooking? ----- Over time, most household chores have either have been removed or greatly simplified. In today’s middle-class families, women have no such jobs as cited you. A maid servant washes utensils and does sweeping. Washing of clothes is also done either by maid or fully-automatic washing machine. Today’s kitchens are tastefully decorated and are modular with many modern gadgets to simplify cooking with minimum effort. With gadgets like micro-wave oven, pressure cooker, electrically operated grinder/mixer and a refrigerator, it does not take more than one hour to prepare a full meal. Even cooking is not required to be done regularly. Eating out once a week or once in 10 days is a fashion. Children are normally too eager to eat outside. The housewife doesn’t even need to request her husband to go out for eating. The children, with a little help from their mother, do the job. Two or three days’ sick leave for housewife in a month is her right when the husband should either cook himself or bring food from outside. If the husband is earning properly, many women in middle class families today even employ a cook and do not do cooking by themselves. Today’s women do not have any job at home except operating TV remote. A husband, on the contrary, does important jobs such as house maintenance, healthcare, renting or purchasing house, car maintenance, school admissions, paying bills, arranging outstation trips and entertainment, investment decisions, vehicle/RTO related jobs, arranging tuitions for children if required, insurance, banking and post-office related work, police verification of servant/tenant, handling medical and other emergencies, getting a lawyer/CA if needed etc. etc. The list is endless. He also drives family vehicle but never demands any compensation for that. Women shout at the top of their voice about their self-proclaimed supremacy over men whereas men silently work. They never demand, even realize, their true worth or position in the family which is much higher than women. Time has come when we showed mirror to women and cut them to their true size.
And last but not the least who listens to your constant ranting. ----- You ask hundred people as to who is more dominating and commanding in a family – wife or husband and ninety persons will tell you, its wife. Husbands are normally more educated than wife and also more experienced in handing affairs of the world. Therefore, they behave more rationally. Its women mostly who are abusive and arrogant. However, the case may differ from family to family and person to person.
Please stop your nonsense. –
And if you give jewelry during wedding what's the big deal, it's finally landing in your kitty, it is not going to her parents or for that matter herself ----- It is a great misconception of many people. After jewelry has been handed over to the bride, it becomes her personal property and does not remain family property. For the family, the money used to buy the jewelry is spent or lost. Jewelry is not much different than clothes. Can we take away somebody’s clothes once they have been stitched for him and given to him? A husband or family head cannot talk or even think about taking away a woman’s jewelry after it has been given to her. In a very rare case in which the family runs into huge loses and becomes bankrupt with no means of survival and having nothing to eat, it may think of mortgaging or selling the jewelry, but the husband has to ask his wife for the jewelry with his head bowed before wife and he cannot see eye to eye with her as if he is doing the greatest crime. It will also be considered the biggest sacrifice on the part of the wife who gives her jewelry for the sake of the family. Later on, if and when, the financial condition of the family improves, the first thing which a husband will do is buying an equal amount of jewelry for the wife.
What about the marriage expenses, the money doesn't count? On top of it you want dowry too ----- Yes, women’s parents like to spend a fortune on food, decoration, and other extravaganzas of marriage with great happiness because it enhances their own reputation and prestige among their relatives and friends. However, this is a waste better avoided. The bride or the groom get nothing out of it.
And if possible a working wife who will listen and give nod to whatever you say, take job at your convenience and listen to your parents' and extended family's **** and also one who fits very well in your friends' circle and makes them go green with jealousy ----- A working wife is not much respite for the husband. She is normally financially as much dependent on her husband as her non-working counter-part. She normally spends her money on herself, e.g., buying more jewelry, cosmetics, clothes for herself, spending money on her brothers, sisters and parents. I have seen many families in which husbands have taken home loan and are paying interest to the bank whereas their wives having good amounts lying idle in their bank accounts earning much lesser interest than the interest on the home loan. Neither the husbands nor the wives ever even imagine paying the loan from wife’s account to save on interest. A husband knows very well that if he did this, he will have to tolerate extreme insult and ridicule from the wife for whole of his life. Needless to say that the wives are staying in the same houses for which their husbands have taken loan.
Looks like you are one frustrated man ----- I speak truth. Mostly truth is bitter. Not everybody’s capability to accept it.
You can't have your cake and eat it too -----
Dowry directly given or indirectly is definetly wrong...
Though my parents are well off i was very firm to them that no need to shower so many dresses or jewels to me. Am educated ,so is my hubby working well and i too would be working...so you need not over do it.
However, my parents have spend of engagement and wedding expenses and guess what there was no reception from my husband's side. Reason they didnt want to spend money. I hate to the fact why didnt I make it as equal share event.
Now, coming to indirect dowry which worries me a lot...coz in our family dowry is not given or taken.
But , indirect dowries keeps going on like its this auspicious month so gal's parents have to gift something to their daughter and in some cases like Baby shower they have to shower gifts to their daughter's in-laws as well...
WHY??? apart from that if you see small ritual like Rakshabandhan...its significance is forgotten by all...on this occassion again brother have to gift or give cash to sis....but do we have any festival where in sister have to gift brother? Am also having a brother but am against this silly ritual....he lives in US and as he is not fond of sweets....I prefer to send him gift coupon. Inshort whether he gifts me or not...usually he does i pays it off by return gift or cash.
we all gals are educated , working and even if not working we have capable husband to look after us....why such dependencies on parents or siblings especially on brother? Our parents have equally educated both Female and male child so why our brother have to keep spending on us.
Again in our this stupid society....we see ppl who says....'We cant take money or any favor from daughters once married offf' what ridiculous....getting ur daughter married off takes away your identity of being her parents???
here many ladies might not be asking for gift but certainly they might not be even say no when they get gifts from parents or brothers...Have any of you ever objected to that? and if your parents and brother are adamant to still gift....have you ever gifted your parents and brother???
My Hubby's sis is CA and earning more than me but not once she ever thought of gifting my hubby...i wont even expect her to gift me coz here she is not even gifting her brother and parents....but is always happy to receive gifts from us....
I am damn sure whether I have daughter or son , to make sure responsibilities are clearly conveyed....they have to build up their future and life wont ever want to burden them in name of Indian rituals to gift this or tht to parents or siblings...
Man, I can't argue with people like you. Do one thing. You leave your job, tell your wife to take care of the job and you take care of the household. I bet my arse you can't do half a good job as her and you will know what it is to be a woman. You are a total loser. Unfortunately losers like you are on the rise, and so are women who will take care of people like you. The type who will keep you wanting to go back to the old school model, those are the correct women for you.