Discussion in 'Married Life' started by shama146, May 30, 2021.
Awesome post. I follow most of them that's why I am peaceful and happy in old age
Thanks Aunty. We need more input from people like you, who have experienced life more than us. May God give you good health.
Very useful tips! @shama146.When one is stuck in an unhappy marriage with a controlling spouse / or one with anger issues, the marriage turns to a survival mode. But, how one over come the disappointment on the lack of respect or love or intimacy or connection or sadness of bad marriage ? Still I dont have much clue. Every one wants to love or feel loved, I believe. Self love helps to protect but it will not replace a marriage. Looking forward to more inputs on this conflict.
This question reminded me of a recent conversation with friends and seniors from my primary school. One of them is a couple who lost their only child at 19. This March the child would have turned 29. One of us asked something like, "really admire the way you both have overcome the tragedy, how you have moved forward from the sorrow... you also helped your parents deal with the shock ... how you are always ready to help others ...you guys are really brave"
The man doesn't say much. The woman however had a response that was bare:
don't call us brave, maa. we are not brave. brave is choosing the path we were put on. we did not choose it. it happened to us, and we have to walk, so we walk. it can be impressive to others what you can do when there is no other choice.
A marriage missing a key ingredient like respect, love, intimacy, or connection must feel like losing something very precious. No matter whether one ever experiences that precious thing or not. Human nature being what it is, if leaving the marriage is not an option, the adapting, recalibration and resignation take charge. There are moments when the pinch feels stronger .. then the moments pass, and life goes on. I guess. One doesn't overcome the disappointment, rather one makes peace with it.
I remember to have attended one wedding Muhurtham.
A baby on the lap of the bride. Happy love marriage. The couple already turned parent in America & married later in India.
Life is like that.
c’est la vie’
When there is respect, love, connection, intimacy etc.. there need/would be no listed do's and don'ts.
The notion of "Do & Don't" comes about because of low expectations on respect, love, etc.. and being ready for life long transactional barters.
What are the "do's" in this ? Or... somethings are "don'ts" ?
I am confused rather in dilemma.
This marriage already begun or about to begin or this doing is ok or not! But there togetherness or and intimacy evidenced with their baby on the lap of “groom” - a mom already!
The baby was earlier on the bride's lap. This reminded me of the painting of nativity of baby jesus, while there is already a cross on the wall with JC crucified on it. If the first one was a virgin-birth, why not the second-coming, eh? Once we emigrate and naturalize (take on local myths, legends for their laugh value) we are indeed open to new ways of doing things.
All that I can say now is the couple were bold and beautiful!
Another important thing to consider for newly weds: Never carry words from you two to parents or vice versa which will spoil relationships. Don't reach out to parents or friends until unless situation worsens. Behave maturely. Obviously parents support their kids and involving them means you guys will be fighting more for someone else.