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Do's And Don'ts Of Married Life

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by shama146, May 30, 2021.

  1. shama146

    shama146 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi all,

    Started this thread to share few things which I learnt the hard way. Neither our parents nor any school teaches us how we should deal/behave once we are married. Many who are newly married has totally wrong notion of many things and we do many things in the wrong way.

    I am married since 9 years to a man who is very controlling, has anger issues and lots of ego. So ladies in difficult marriages may help from few things.

    1. Big mistake which many newly weds do is, listen to any crap which DH says, in the hope that it will increase his love.

    Big mistake. You are only raising his bar. He won't give you any certificate. On the contrary his expectations will increase. Say no firmly, but politely.

    2. Never argue and shout when your DH shouts/ scolds without any valid reason. At that time, even if you are 100% correct, your shouting will go on deaf ears. It will escalates things further. I know this point is easier said than done, but practice makes everything possible.

    When things have normalised, do communicate orally/ whatsapp, where you feel he was wrong. If it's genuinely your fault, do say sorry.

    3. Don't discuss everything with your hubby. Only things which are of his concern.

    4. Never plead/beg for his time or attention. Never apologize if you are not wrong.
    5. Don't ask for small things, e.g what has to be made for lunch/dinner etc. This will become life long habit.

    6. Common mistakes which many make ( I too did this) is during a very bad fight, many women leave house. Don't do this. It's your house also. Put up a fight staying there.

    7. Many men mistreat when they know there's no one to question. If you feel things are going out of control, give them a warning of you going to cops. Many men do have a fear of police.

    8. Don't revolve your life around your DH. He is just one part. Have your own friends, hobbies etc. Don't force him to share your interests.

    9. Last but not the least, not every marriage can be mended. If there's repetitive physical abuse, leave ASAP and do file a court case.

    Ladies request you also to share your input, in case I missed anything. It will be quite helpful to many women who are in difficult marriages.
     
    RatnaMalliswari, Rihana, SCA and 17 others like this.
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  2. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    It was an act of God that broke off some very bad marriages.

    I dunno what else to say.

    Being trapped in a horrible marriage and feeling scared of divorce is the worst feeling.
     
  3. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Platinum IL'ite

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    Right off the starting block, you point to the right thing....but only hinting it. Newly weds should not get pregnant until they figure out whether or not you want to wrap your own bad luck on a child, as well as handicap yourself with a dependent that can totally reduce your options to salvage your own life, if things were to go sour in your marriage.
    And those who figure it out late, should not add to their problems. There have been cases where the marriage had been found defective on month-1, and then the couple go on to have 2 or 3 babies:facepalm::facepalm::frown: before they conclude that having babies is not the cure at all.
     
    Last edited: May 31, 2021
  4. chanchitra

    chanchitra Gold IL'ite

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    Very True.
    Babies cannot fix a broken marriage.
    It's inhuman to raise a kid in a toxic abusive environment
     
  5. Tubinbataye

    Tubinbataye Gold IL'ite

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    1.It's vital to maintain/grow friendship circle. Majority of them(me too) tend to lose their friendship after marriage and try hard to adopt/build spouse side friend's wife's as ours. It's important to have a 'no matter what' friends as we grow.
    2.A red flag is always a red flag, repainting will cost more in the later part
     
  6. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    Nice post.
    My husband has anger issues.
    I will try following these suggestions.
     
    Thyagarajan and shama146 like this.
  7. messedup

    messedup Platinum IL'ite

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    If you feel that you say what you feel because you are clean by heart then it's your biggest mistake. Since the time you meet your prospective match you are being judged by your words considering you as an adult and mature person. Adult persons can't say anything. They should always say everything correct as it is always being expected from them. If you are angry talk politely, if you want to shout aloud then smile or laugh, if you want to curse someone then give them blessings in front. Don't react to anything negative dont let other react to your negativity. Everything should always look very clean and pure so that others can give your example.
     
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  8. lavani

    lavani Finest Post Winner

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    my 2 cents.

    Be very specific in addressing any issue. Emotional discussion or vent can backfire in real bad way.

    this term anger issues is very generic term sometimes thrown without context. if the person comes home and starts yelling for no reason , it does holds true .

    my son likes to push my dh buttons. he will be attending class and shout from another room asking for dad to help and when dh runs to come to his room he will ask get ipad charger which is right next to him just in another corner of the room. that will really make my dh mad and he will shout almost to the point of smacking son or break the ipad. now from outside it will look like dh has serious anger issues. :)
     
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  9. Ruby2019

    Ruby2019 Silver IL'ite

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    So true about kids. I see friends quickly have kids, then cannot get along with husband, relationship strained but still got for 2nd without resolving issues.

    my learning lesson is to keep your marriage to yourself. no one outside really cares, you end up only sharing too much and it makes things worse.

    Useful tips here!
     
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  10. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Platinum IL'ite

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    While it is easy (and so glib) for random 3rd parties (like me :wink::facepalm:) to advise newly weds to delay children until they figure out their status within the marriage, there are circumstances that may force married girls into unplanned pregnancies. The consequences of that ensue if the marriage has already been somewhat shaky.
    In such situations, a second child arrives, because one or both parties in the horrible marriage may look upon 2nd child as causing no more damage than they already endure with one as well as with each other. The second child is a symbol of a resolution that the couple plan to endure their suffering for the long haul.
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.

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