Don't want to meet friends .........these days!

Adara

I've found that as I've grown older, I've been more interested in the quality of my friendships, as opposed to the quantity. I'm not sure if this applies to you, but I'll go ahead and share my experience anyway. When I was young, I loved being in the centre of a happy, noisy crowd. It made me felt happy and alive. I loved going out, meeting new people, socialising, eating, drinking, and generally being surrounded by people. There's nothing wrong with this, but I think it may be a function of youth, and for some people, personality.

Now, I find myself feeling much more centred and stable if I have more time to myself. I enjoy taking care of my home and family, and I have a more intimate circle of close friends. We respect each other's space and privacy, and although we do socialise, these tend to be more one-on-one get-togethers, and no one person shoulders the burden of "organising" the meeting. We also don't see each other very often.

I also think there may be a tempation, especially when we're far from home, to just find people to be with (often, others like us who are also far from home, or speak the same language, etc.). At first, their presence may be comforting and their company enjoyable, but as we become more acclimated to our new environment, we start to realise that beyond some sueprficial similarities, we really have nothing profound in common.

I often wonder about my acquaintances - would I be socialising with them back home? In other words, we may be hanging out with people that we wouldn't normally have befriended (not because they're bad people, but just because we aren't all that compatible).

Maybe this is what has happened to you. If you're concerned that you're going to offend people by your sudden disappearance from the social scene, I wouldn't worry too much. Unless they're your close, personal friends with whom you had a deep connection and shared details of your life, they probably won't be too concerned that you've become scarce. In my experience, the "huge circle of parties and potluck friends" don't seem to mind people coming and going as they please, as opposed to checking in regularly. You can always be honest too, of course, and explain to anyone who comments that you just seem to prefer more time by yourself these days. Nothing wrong with that, in my opinion.

 

Dear Adara

I feel Ansuya has said it quite well. You are not alone in feeling so. It is like many things in life. Initially there is this rush of activity and then things start settling down slowly with time. Everyone needs a break and some time for themselves and that is natural. Some people may not like it and some will not mind that and some of them would not even care if you attend the party or not. Your very close friends will understand you and worrying what others might think is not something you need to be concerned about.

In my personal experience too, we all have these moments. We friends keep in touch these days but catching up has become a very rare activity, as everybody is busy with their lives and have their own things to do. We know and respect that space. We have not lost our friendship because of that, as we know that in case of any need, they are always there for us.

 

Thank you, Knotty.

Adara, LOL at your "battalion" and your husband saying he needs an appointment with you to get past the hordes that take up your time. He sounds like a fun guy! I'm glad my post made you feel better about how you're changing with regard to your social preferences. Enjoy the silence, like Depeche Mode says (and there I go, giving away my age AND my dorky taste in music, all at once).