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Dont know where to post this problem

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Sujimallige, Oct 17, 2007.

  1. Eljaype

    Eljaype Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Suji,

    We can accept any problem which happens with our In Laws but as you have written, the previous affair of your husband must have rattled you.

    You cannot do anything about it. That will eat you from the inside till you get to terms with that. That was past. If you cannot even think of writing here what all problems you have , I'll give you an idea.

    You can get a MS word / note pad document out and write what all you feel, but do not save it. That's all. Everything will come tumbling out. Once you get everything out of your system you'll be free of them.

    I have had a friend who told me that she had two or three mail Id's. She used to write from one id to the other id, all her problems and forward that mail from that id to the third Id etc. That helped her. Then she got friendly with me and now I think she is feeling better and happy.

    We all have problems dear. We have to learn to accept them and take it in our stride.
    We can be happy.

    Love
    Latha :wave
     
  2. rashmigirish

    rashmigirish New IL'ite

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    Hi Suji,

    Express yourself with your husband let him know all your feelings, when he loves u and cares for u you need not worry about his affair.
    Do something which your are interested in that make u feel cool, be happy in whatever you do? Don't cry for everything every family has problems try to know what is the reason for the problem and solve it..See your world in a positive way..n enjoy it.
    No one is good in cooking unless u practice, mistakes make you learn new things...
    Try n try n u will succeed..
    Keep Smiling it keep u glowing and a healthier life..:)

    Regards,
    Rashmi
     
  3. Eljaype

    Eljaype Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Suji,

    You can, at any time you like, contact me, send me pm or mail me or can also chat with me.
    Welcome suji. All of us have problems, only some come out courageously to talk it out like you.

    You can talk to your husband, if you like or since he is loving and caring otherwise, you can just forget about it and get on with life.

    Sometimes things like this happen, which are not in our control. Past is past. That's all. Ok Don't take it to heart.

    Love
    Latha :wave
     
  4. rekhas

    rekhas Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Suji,

    As a lot of ILs have said Life happens. Things are not in our control all the time. People respond to the same situation differently. Your husband's affair prior to your marriage has no bearing with who or what you are. Neither one of you knew what would happen in the future. Please understand I am not justifying his affair, each of us are responsible for our own actions.

    Also, I agree a lot of us have loving parents, siblings, friends, family life, attention and a carefree life prior to coming here. Smack... you come here, and your life is totally uprooted. Adjustments and compromises in all aspects become a routine. For the most part the loneliness gets to us.

    Regardless of how your husband behaves, please never give up. The IL and husband issues are never going away. Build your confidence by pursuing what you like to do. You are young. Get out of your house regularly, whether it is for a walk, or just to see some new faces. Make friends. IL is a very friendly community. There is a lot of comedy shows on TV. Good way to forget your problems for a while. Talk to your folks regularly. Just ignore comments/ criticism for in-laws. Pick your battles. Stand your ground for what you believe and what matters most. Live for the day. Please try not to be emotional when you talk to hubby. Keep conversations short. Hope this helps. We are here to cheer you.
     
  5. GPriya

    GPriya Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Suji,

    I went thro' this CRYING episode in my life about 7 years ago. I had constant head ache along with crying for almost everything, and sometimes for no reason.
    Then for headache, I met with my physician, who prescribed all kinds of medicie, blood test and everything turn out to be normal. Then I went thro' head scan to see if there is anything wrong with my head/brain. Nothing was wrong, and then I was advised to meet with a psychiatrist who took more than an hour to hear the entire history of my life until the day and then prescribed some antidepressent to try for few weeks and then meet with him after that.

    In about a week or two. my headache is gone and I started feeling better and I wasn't crying that much, and after 4 weeks of medication (NORTRIPTAN) I feel a lot better and I was asked to contine for another 4 weeks or so. Until now (after 7 years) I have no crying episode anymore in life.

    The moral of the story is sometimes because of the happenings in life, one could be deppressed without knowingly and the depends on the level of harmonal activity that causes depression people react differently like getting frequent headaches, crying often, no proper appetite, no proper sleep etc.m

    Just go and meet with your family doctor first and ask him to refer to a psychiatrist to get to the bottom of the issue right now before it turns out to be huge and starts affecting your life enormously.

    Hope you get better fast,
    Geeth Priya.
     
  6. lmani

    lmani Senior IL'ite

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    Vist a pycshologist and ses if they can help you.
     
  7. Traveller

    Traveller Gold IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I think medically you don't have any problems. As Latha madam has said, deep in your heart you're thinking about your husband's past affair and also may be replaying your in-laws treatment (that's what I do most of the times.... you're not alone there!). And everything put together with being away from family in foreign land, not being able to create your mom's magic in kitchen etc., taking toll. Let me tell you... i'm now married for 8 yrs. I didn't even how to brew tea when I got married and got embarassed several times inviting friends home. But after initial crying and inferiority complex I took that as a challenge. Now I can boldly claim I'm a good cook:) So cooking apart... first thing you yourself say that your husband is very loyal to you and loves you so trust him. That's very important in a marriage:) Second if you're not working then you'll definitely have the day for yourself to discover things. Whatever your interests are.. I've lived in 4 different countries after marriage and before that I never went anywhere alone.... if you want to move on with life, make friends, you've to make an effort. No one out there knows what you want. So explore, join a meditation class... just know yourself and enjoy. I wish you all the best:)
     
  8. rohinis

    rohinis New IL'ite

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    I think you need to go see a doctor and may require some blood test done.

    Also depends on how old you are and what your lifestyle is.

    Eating healthy is the key to maintaining good health. Lack of certain nutrients could really affect your weight negatively.

    You may also require to see a pathologist. Check for bone loss. Gather all family history related to health from your mom's side and dad's side and talk it out with a doctor.

    Also identify what part of your diet is carb, protiens, junk food, processed food etc and talk it out with your doctor.

    Regarding your being a cry baby over rice not cooked properly. It might be a good idea to see a psychologist. Learn to see positive in life. If rice is not cooked properly, its becuase you didn't follow the procedure correctly. And rice not being cooked properly is soooo trivial.

    Your weight needs to be proportionate to your height. 86 lbs... thats too low for someone who is over 5'0" tall. Check out the height and weight chart.

    for facial wrinkles, drink anti oxidant juices.

    Good luck.
     
  9. sara_08

    sara_08 New IL'ite

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    Hi friends ,

    I m new here i was searching my problem through google.com then i found this site to write my problem. I m married since 3 years and i have two kids , my husband is nice seems loving he does almost everything for me B U T........... he is very controlling , i m getting depressed and deperessed day by day , feeling week and everything ... question is in which way is controlling and wot he does?
    1.he checks in computer wot i do he has loxee most of the time installed to see wot i m doing on internet.
    2.he doesn't wana go to the councelor , he says why councelor if u wana leave then just leave.
    3.after my 2nd pregnancy i feel so week bcoz of less gap in my kids and i do all work as i m in usa i wanted to go for massage he yelled and did fight and said NO!
    4. i say i wana do only weekend job (only saturday or sunday)bcoz i need little break as i work so hard with two small kids he said NO!
    5.i cannot go any where alone to do my shopping.
    there z a long list i'll post tomm:
     

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