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Dont Know How To Have Sex

Discussion in 'Intimacy' started by sociallifein30s, Jul 28, 2022.

  1. sociallifein30s

    sociallifein30s Silver IL'ite

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    just came out of a heated argument during "sex" session. He cant get his penis anywhere near straight. If I hold it and put it vagina, it just slips and falls out. He says he forgot how to have sex because we are not doing it frequently. He eats fine, sleeps with heavy snoring, its just for sex he comes up with a million reasons. SOmetimes the bedsheet is slippery, sometimes he is scared, sometimes I dont have lubrication, sometimes his penis hurts. then we dont talk before sex. somethign or the other reason to unable to insert. Then he meddles inthe vaginal area with his fingers and puts the penis somewhere near the anus. I am getting exhausted really. I just wish I can go for a simple ivf with some money. Or an anonymous sperm donor would have been good.
    I mean if he forgot how to have sex because we were not doing it frequently, I think the same thing will be there every time between period 1st day and ovulation.atleast 8-9 days gap. Or I should jump in bed by day 7 so he doesnt forget the syllabus and he gets to do his revision by day 13 or day 16 when I ovulate.
    rant... done
     
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  2. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Does he have erectile dysfunction? If that is the case then he is probably embarrassed and it comes out as anger. No one simply forgets how to have sex. Ask him to consult a urologist.
    In the meanwhile if you are both on the same page about TTC then I would suggest going for IUI or IVF considering your ages.
     
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  3. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    Looks like ED.
    please encourage him to go to a Dr.
    It could be a psychological issue too. Maybe you are pressing him to have a kid.
    Look into IUI before ivf.
    .Intrauterine InseminatioI've..
    One of my friends conceived through IUI.
    Her husband was never interested in sex from the beginning. Maybe he had ED.
    He used to always find excuses saying he is tired.
    Kind of like your husband.
     
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  4. sociallifein30s

    sociallifein30s Silver IL'ite

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    yea well. pressing him for kid is there. BUt I ask him very straight if he wants to have a child at all and he says a firm yes. He says we dont talk much during or before the act so he gets shivering. So I am not sure what I need to talk now. Maybe we can just hold off until we have the "chemistry" that he is looking for. Which I dont know if its another reason. yea maybe IUI is a better option. I looked into Self insemination kits also where he does his thing in a cup and I inject it with a needle less syringe.
     
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  5. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    Oh no. That's not a good idea. You may get some infection .also it may affect the kid.
    In IUI, the sperm is washed.
    There is a reason why doctors are there.
     
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  6. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Actually many people do this. As long as you are using sterile items (you can buy at pharmacy) it will be okay. It’s not a bad idea for OP to try while waiting for the doctor.
     
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  7. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    I was not aware. Thank you for the information
     
  8. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Is he in personal stress ? Maybe u can take a vacation and relax .Try again and if he is the same then check with the doctor
     
  9. sociallifein30s

    sociallifein30s Silver IL'ite

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    I asked him if he has any stress in life or at job. Actually he doesnt have a "job" job. Thats why he was not married till now. He goes to some office and sits there. I was getting old, so I picked someone with no health problems. He said he doesnt have any stress. I asked him if he doesnt like ic. He said thats not the case. I asked again if he wants kids . He said 100%. Now he says there is no enough foreplay or communication.
    I am like dude you did whatever you want for 2 months and didnt get it in the right place or straight. Thats when I started speaking up. I asked if he knew women anatomy and he got offended. So basically, it is looking like everything is my fault here. I am not creating an ambience of romance. I am creating the tension. I am not letting a foreplay session. I dont know if what I want comes into play here.
    I told my doc that his thing doesnt set straight and I have to hold it in and push it myself, she was very non-chalant about it and said we all do that because the V is not straight and it needs to be directed. Also, it doesnt become really hard for anyone ever. So I dont know where this is going. Is this the noviceness at IC or just plain bad luck?
    I still cant get over his "I forgot how to have ic and we should have frequently." He says we had only twice. (not true) So from now on, I need to ensure I have every day. And let him do whatever he wants, then hold it myself in. Today my hand started aching from the constant holding and shoving it in.

    Is there anyone else out there more unlucky than I am?
     
    Last edited: Jul 28, 2022
  10. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    This is ridiculous. This is not how it should be.
    IC between loving married couples should be fun & pleasurable. It is definitely not a task or some syllabus as you mentioned above. It has to happen naturally out of love, and not by force.
    Depending on your life style, we can have it daily, weekly or even take a break of 3-4 months (health issues, last trimester of pregnancy, first 2 months after delivery etc...) and no one forgets this. No one goes to any class or watch videos to prepare while resuming the act. These are all lame excuses.

    I think he has a problem, and that needs to be medically corrected. He may have psychological issues associated with his problems; hence being angry and playing blame game.

    Instead of falling for his drama, think wise and seek support.
     

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