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Domestic violence

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Viswamitra, May 19, 2012.

  1. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    There is enormous amount of domestic violence that takes place throughout the world and it is always women and children who are the sufferers of this cruelty caused by a human being to a fellow human beings. While women’s rights organizations are fighting against all oppression of women all over the world, mostly it is addressing discrimination against women in communities, employment opportunities, etc. Most of the domestic violence incidents go unreported as women don’t come forward to report worrying about their marital status. In some cases, other women contribute to the domestic violence. While education was the root cause of such domestic violence in eastern civilization, the one up attitude appears to be the reason in western civilization. Arguments among the spouses are healthy as long as it remains within the territory of differences of opinion. When it becomes verbal or physical abuses, it crosses that border. No human being has a right to verbally or physically abuse a fellow being, leave alone using it against the spouse.



    The root causes of domestic violence vary and include a) differences in principles, b) expectations not being met, c) complex experienced by a spouse, d) third party’s interference in a smooth relationship between spouses and e) attitude of control over women. When girl children are raised, the parents need to focus on building their character that include traits such as a) humble but fearless attitude, b) ability to defend the righteousness, c) constructive relationship building focused on mutual and unconditional love with no strings attached, d) understand the difference between elderly advice and interference in a relationship and e) self-confidence driven by self-respect.


    There has to be a clear understanding that mutual respect is an essential ingredient for the spousal relationship to thrive and the women’s liberation should begin at home.
     
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  2. Pallavi4me

    Pallavi4me Platinum IL'ite

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    You have said it very rightly viswamitra sir.

    The women liberation should start at home. But the saddest part though people are educated and from well to do families still have a fear for the tongues of the society and the so called respect, tradition if a women wants to walk out of the relationship here m referring the marriage where she has been abused. Whatever the minor or major extent it may be.

    There is no measure for emotional abuse where the woman has to stuck up to a marriage for the sake of family, kids and society. They are being praised as patient and composed women, but whether all these compliments or words will give her life or time she has lost. Will all these lead to a happy ending ever? Are we able to really make any difference to such souls?

    My heart is grieving upon reading / listening the plight of some women. It generates a kind of fear and insecurity toward relationships in the younger generation.

    Is there any kind of stop to it... We have been watching and listening to stories of women and laws are being made.. Women groups, welfare trusts etc.. are coming up. And more and more stories are coming out. Why a man feels to show his authority over his spouse? What kind of psychic happiness he gets by doing such. Will that male ego ever be changed??


    Sorry sir, I'm a bit carried away with the subject, but I have these concerns day I and out in me.
     
  3. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Pallavi,

    I can't explain in words how much I appreciate your good understanding of the situation relating to domestic violence at a very young age. I could not cover all I wanted to write due to the limitation. Any way, I am addressing some of your excellent points:

    Great observation. In my mind, if the society is the bottleneck, we need to change the society. How can the society convince a woman to be in an abusive relationship which they themselves might not prefer to undergo and they made no steps to prohibit such an abuse to that woman? Who is the society? It is the composition of parents, parents-in-law, spouses, sisters, brothers and so on. Jesus Christ said, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

    Simply no amount of apologies, praises or actions would get back the life that was lost by a woman in abuse. There is no point in physically living with a person after killing their feelings. It is equivalent of living with a corpse. I apologize for my crude language but it is very unfair to expect a woman to live peacefully after such abuses.

    While I respect all your views, I only have one request to make to the younger generation. Please remove the "fear" in your mind and stand up for the righteousness. Don't shy away from a relationship and that is your change to make one man alright or take support from a man who respects the feelings of a woman. Ask him to stand tall in support of women who were in abusive relationship. Even if one person stands up for her right, things will begin to change. The society will not change overnight but a new generation can change the practices that did not contribute for the welfare of women.
     
  4. InnerBliss

    InnerBliss Gold IL'ite

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    I have a girl child. So far, I was focusing only fostering her with love and care. Thank you for sharing the required ingredients in the brought up of girl child. I would keep revising them often.

    Thank you for your thoughts on this.
     
  5. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Thank you for your response to this blog. It is very natural to raise children with love, care and compassion. It is a natural instinct like any other life to protect the young ones. But as they grow, they will get exposed to the real world consist of pleasure and pain and the best way we prepare them is to explore the answers themselves from deep within. They become very successful, confident and self-driven. We should guide them with questions and make them derive the answers.

    Viswa
     
  6. shyamala1234

    shyamala1234 Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Viswamitra,

    A topic which many people face but afraid to talk about it.....the reasons may vary from fear of society, financial dependence, due to some elders' advice to keep up the honour of family by living in an abused marriage. Emotional abuse is worse than physical. Nobody need to live in such a relationship.

    Girls should be educated and stand on their own feet and then only think about marriage. Financial independence gives a lot of courage to do things which otherwise people do not do.Self respect is very important. Courage to face a situation is needed. Righteousness should be there.

    To me, one need not fear about the society. Everyone has their own problems. And I guess, society is not that bad.I know a woman who walked out of an abusive marriage.....had a job, two wonderful daughters, got them educated. She lived a life of dignity. Society didn't do them any harm. Moreover very supportive. Even if not supportive....no problem. When strength is the only option left they would become strong.We should bring up our daughters in such a way that they would be bold in life....take right decisions, confident. Nobody is going to live our life..we have to face and make the best of life.

    Syamala
     
  7. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Syamala,

    Thank you for your detailed comments describing the domestic abuse issue faced by many women.

    You are absolutely right. Unfortunately, the legal system and community focus more on physical but it is the mental abuse that makes a married woman a walking dead. The only solution is for those women to have self confidence and resist such verbal abuse as they never even get reported.

    Financial independence gives a lot of confidence to the women. There is no question. Sometimes, such independence also makes some men to feel a complex and increase the verbal abuse or demand control of the finances. In a spousal relationship, both of them need to respect each other and maintain self-respect. While sacrificing for the family is good, doing it with self-respect and pride is even great.

    I agree with you. When someone is physically or verbally abusing a spouse, it is not the society which can get involved and it is up to both spouses to resolve it.
    When someone gets involved in the middle of the spouse, it only gets complicated further. Your words that we have to live our own life is excellent. I think nothing can replace self-confidence of a woman and parents need to give a big dose of that while raising them. Self-confidence not only protects the married women but also gives confidence to raise children well.

    Viswa
     
  8. ramyaramani

    ramyaramani Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Children learn from their parents. If they have seen abuse, then there is high chance of abuse to happen again.

    Alcohol plays a major role in domestic violence.
     
  9. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Thank you for your comments. You are absolutely right in stating that abuse to children leads to further abuse when they grow up. Alcohol definitely plays a major role in domestic violence.

    Viswa
     
  10. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Viswa, a very good analysis of domestic violence, its causes and steps necessary to put an end to such issues. If only more and more girls would be brought up to face the world, look it in the eye, command respect and to live life on their own terms and conditions instead of being told to bow down to injustice in the name of "adjustment" and "compromise", would not the world be a wonderful place to live in?
     

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