Domestic violence- empathetic solutions.

I feel so sad to hear your story,


You know you are getting abused and went for second kid and yourself wrote

what else anyone can tell you.

If you read yourself the post,first thing you need stop taking physical abuse from your husband.what made your parents not supportive of you??

first tell your parents to stop taking calls from him.He understand you and your parents are weak and playing all these games.

 

I am not a mom/mom-in-laws but I can say this much- do not tolerate physical abuse. The more you let them trample over you, more they will do so.

Stand up for yourself and tell him, next time he raises his hand, you will call the police. Say it and mean it.

Live separately from inlaws. Be financially Independent, get your legal affairs in order, just in case.

bring him in line and your MIL can be dealt with later.

take control in your hands. you have three kids who live with you and you both are setting very bad examples for them.

 

Hi Pinkcherry,

I felt really sad to hear u r story abt domestic violence. I have few suggestions for u:

1. Take u r hubby out to a park r to the place, where u can sit & talk to him quietly, without any disturbance. Make him understand all u r feelings. Now, u have two kid's. Tell him, if his own sister is under the same situation, how would he resolve it.

2. Meet a counsellor r a well wisher to make him understand that the family with kid's should not break for this reason. Anyway u r financially independent, educated & have parent's support. U have the ability to take care of u r life. But give him the opportunity to change & realise. If it doesn't work out. May be u can live separetly for couple of mths by u r self with u r parent's support. V can't completely change u r in-law's, b,cos they r old & from village set-up. But still take effort to make everybody in u r house, understand the problem's which u r facing.


3. Let's pray to god, to change u r situation. Don't loose hope, be strong to face in life. Physical abuse should be stopped immediately. So take action, for it by threatening them, if it contiues, u would take tough actions..

 

Sorry dear, but this is a ghastly situation for you. Seeing as your husband and you have still not gotten into a good relationship in all these years, plus seeing as your husband is abusing you physically, I think you just need to get out of this marriage.

You are a working, independent woman. Take your children and leave. Do not get into a discussion or an argument. It doesn't look like your husband or ILs are going to change. IMO you need to leave this unequal marriage simply for the sake of your two children. By leaving, you are setting an excellent example for them - to walk away from abuse. Take your children and run. Don't look back.

All the best

 

I'm deeply sorry to hear about the situation you are going through, OP. I'm also sorry that there are children involved in this situation.

I second guesshoo. Your DH and inlaws have no shame or remorse. They have no appreciation for you (you are working and bringing home income, yet you are unable to be a part of any of the decision-making process) let alone love or respect. I can't believe your MIL condones this type of verbal, emotional and physical abuse. You won't be able to magically change or evoke them to like you no matter what you do — not even by giving them their way. By giving in to them, you are not only validating their behavior to be justified but enabling it to continue.

Unless you plan to keep having kids so they can be nice to you during your pregnancy (I assume this is when they are the nicest to you), what type of future do you foresee in 2 years? 5 years? 10 years? A happy one? No? Then you have your answer.

You're a professional woman. I hope you understand that you have more power here than you realize. Similar to what guesshoo stated, go bold. Start making changes, start becoming independent, start living separately to let them know what course their continued actions will have. Do not tolerate any kind of abuse (emotional, physical or verbal). Don't rely on the support of others although you should make your parents aware of the entirety of the situation and how you plan to deal with it. Remember, you are only informing your husband, his parents and your parents about your boundaries (that they've violated and exploited). If necessary, get out of this marriage.

I am really sorry to hear that there are not one, but two children who are involved. However, you need to think about them and their future. Do you want them to grow up witnessing how your DH and in laws treat you? How will that affect them and what will they learn? So you see, this is about you AND your children. By giving in to this abuse and allowing it to continue, you are not only validating your DH/inlaws behavior towards you to them but to your children as well. This is not acceptable. Not for "keeping peace in the family" nor "image in society" those things are superficial and you will never attain that sense of happiness if you don't love yourself first and make sure you are taken care of.

Also, what would you have thought or suggested had someone else told you the same story? Think of this as objectively as you can.

Hope this helps and best of luck to you! I hope you can summon up all the strength you can to deal with this marriage.

 

Why do educated working women bring children into abusive marriage? Why put poor helpless children into such a situation?
Please leave these monsters at least for the sake of the children you brought into this world.

Dear OP....there are strong domestic violence laws in the country. Please do not worry about the feelings of these monsters. Just tell them you will go to the police and both son and mom will be behind bars. If they so much as touch you or shout at you....just do it. You are independent financially and you have a strong law on your side.

Best wishes and lots of hugs.

 

OP nothing about him should be a surprise to you. You saw this controlling behavior even before marriage when he stopped you from taking to your parents or friends and tried to control you financially too. So as an educated rational person, you should have known what you were getting into.


Then even with all your abuse, you went ahead and had a child with that monster. And proceeded to have a second one. You grew up in a happy home so did you not think you children deserved the same? You brought your innocent children in a abusive marriage and they will have to live with those consequences for no fault of their own and unlike you there is nothing they can do.

You ask for advice but if you have not yet made any decision to leave him, I highly doubt you will now. That is pretty much all there is as a solution. There is no " get counseling" "be supportive" "be calm" kind of situation as some may suggest. And those suggestions never fail to amaze me.

 

you listed all this but not about physical abuse, those scratches and slaps???? Think how you want to live... That will guide you to the solution, I hope.