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Does Your Husband Help Carry Your Luggage?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by beautifullife30, May 9, 2022.

  1. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    This thread about who carry for whom & when is both a sweet and harrowing exploration. It made me reminisce of initial days that followed immediately after my wedding.

    R was reticent all thru in the initial days after her marriage to me. During travel dad, mom & I we’re all leaving our spectacles & goggles with its case in custody of spouse R. Mom handed her dad’s and hers pills to R to keep it in her vanity bag. Some more items like coins, our tooth brush, combs, hair oil, and the sacred-ash, kungumum prasads received from different shrines and temples that we visited were all handed to R for safe custody.

    It was all due to the vogue’s attractive maroon vanity-bag that R was carrying. It was like the bag below.


    upload_2022-5-11_23-33-9.jpeg

    As we travelled from place to place, the bag with its contents getting stout and reached a stage it was bursting at its seams. With its numerous accessories and articles, spouse would retrieve it , when we demand after little rummaging. I was wondering how She could remember the corner and the room in that vanity bag to quickly lay hands on it and take it out like a magician.

    At one stage, we all had to climb steps to reach a particular shrine at the top of a small hill. Mom & dad leading before spouse & I, had reached the top level and disappeared from our sight.

    That was the moment R taken her right barefoot on to a small sharp gravel that imbalanced her and dropped herself down seated on the step. The bulging maroon vanity bag slipped her shoulder and fell down a few steps below. The bag was tight shut with butterfly wing clasp. Contents remained intact but my lady love’s leg got hurt with a tear and bleed. I attended to her foot .

    In a jiffy I ran down the twenty odd steps, collected the bag and back to the step where she was sitting holding her hurt foot. I could see her moist eyes and a tear dropping down her cheek.

    I (62 kgs) physically lifted her (48 kgs) on to my right shoulder with maroon bag on my left shoulder. In few minutes reached the top.
    From that day onwards till today I carry for her. She carried my heirs !
     
    Last edited: May 12, 2022
    kavikuyil, Amica, Madhurima21 and 2 others like this.
  2. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    Some forty six years ago Dr Rustogi - in one of his lectures at NewDelhi - to management trainees - talked about contract law in a nutshell. He narrated a case that originated in England.

    A donkey - not Jack but Jenny- “heavy” carrying dirty linen with his master toward a lake when it was dawn. Opposite - at a distance - a young gentleman with his pregnant wife ambling . As they approached each other, the donkey in misty morning at proximity got berserk probably at the sight of protuberance of stomach of the woman.

    The donkey turned chaotic moved zig-zag for a while and then in a jiffy dashed against the stomach of the young pregnant woman. The gentleman got instantly enraged, gone wild chasing the donkey and found a long log of wood at the sidewalk. He picked it up and chased the donkey and whacked it to death.

    Now the master of the donkey and gentleman of pregnant woman both filed suit against each other claiming monetary compensation from and stringent punishment awarded to the other.

    The common denominator in this anecdote is “carrying” and so the judgement expected to be central around that word.

    Guess what was the judgement and order by the learned judge in these suits.
     
    Last edited: May 12, 2022
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  3. beautifullife30

    beautifullife30 Finest Post Winner

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    Hi @MadhuRK ,

    Yes, the equal share of things works only when he wants and wishes to do so. Like giving lectures to his students or parents of his students on equality. Sadly it never reflects in his personal life. I sometimes wonder if all those people or guys who talk about men and women being equal and other such crap behave this way in their personal life.

    For me, men and women are made differently. Each have their own strengths and weakness. A person who doesnt understand this and says do what i do because you are my equal is just nonsense IMO.

    Whats the point of me reading. I already know all this since i am facing. It is he who has to know this.

    At this moment, i dont have the strength to fight for these things. So if i can, i lift the luggages. If not, i enlist the help of my son. If i am very weak at that moment, i just dont lift anything at all and just leave it all up to him to manage. Coz sadly my health and strength are not the same as it used to be.
     
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  4. beautifullife30

    beautifullife30 Finest Post Winner

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    Hi mangaii,

    Firstly i am not scrutinising my husband based on my uncle's comments. I already knew all these things about him before hand so it was not a new revelation for me about him.

    This is something i have started doing only recently and that too when i am very exhausted and tired. Otherwise, i just try and manage it with my son.

    My uncle is a person who brought me up like my dad. He helped me with my eduation, career guidance and everything. Infact, i would say he is somewhere between my elder brother and dad. He is the last person to create all these confusions. He just casually remarked about this to my mom and my mom in his flow of dialogues told me about this. thats all.

    No, i never do that. I know how disastrous that can be to my marriage.
     
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  5. beautifullife30

    beautifullife30 Finest Post Winner

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    He carries the lighter ones like his laptop bag, the bag of cloesthes which has wheels. The heavier ones are given to me.

    The problem for me is not that he gives it to me. Coz somehow, i carry it either with my son's help or a coolie if it is very heavy. My problem is infact when he carries the same luggage for someone else but not me.

    When i ask him he says his back is breaking, his lower back pain comes into picture but if the same luggage or a heavier one is carried by either of our relatives or friend, he wouldnt hesitate to help.

    What is the logic here? So your family can suffer but you extend help to others?

    So family comes last? or maybe wife comes last?

    Or wife is ok to be asked to carry but the relatives all cant carry?

    When i ask him to carry a heavy luggage of OURS i would usually get a remark - who asked you to pack so many clothes? Why do you travel heavy?

    Or i get a remark that men and women are equal; husband and wife are partners. Help me in carrying these luggages. That twisted logic makes me upset and angry usually.
     
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  6. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    @radv @sarvantaryamini @Madhurima21

    #21 my response at this number you seemed to have liked. Thanks.
    You may have some wonderful reflections. Let it reflect here to enthral IL folks.
    How about ruling in that donkey Jenny story at #22.

    Regards.
    God Bless All Men With their Stephany! Not stepney!!
     
    Last edited: May 13, 2022
  7. AppuMom

    AppuMom Gold IL'ite

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    I usually pack and carry my things separately.H and kid's usually go in one bag and left to H carry
    .I usually take the troll bag for myself and duffle bag for H..in that way my travel is easy..used to pack everyone's together..but it was not working out for us as if I forget any of my H or kids stuff they make a ruckus..so I don't bother about their luggage anymore
     
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  8. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello: @beautifullife30
    Permit me to digress a bit from theme of thread. It is about care more than carrying!

    I got the trigger from feedback #23 of @AppuMom

    we were to attend a wedding reception and spouse & I selected very best to wear.
    Spouse had packed hers in green; and mine, I did pack it in that red suit case.

    We too after that packing, reached Cennai airport separately from different place. When spouse & I landed at Mangalore airport, one of our two suitcases (in green) went missing.

    We reached and checked-in the nearby hotel. I bemoaned that spouse would have no dress to change as her green suitcase stands missing.

    But she surprised me telling that half of my dress with half of hers repacked in green suit case and therefore both have one set in red suit case for wearing to evening wedding reception.

    She was caring more than I to minimise “our” distress!
     
    Last edited: May 13, 2022
  9. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    During initial days of marriage my H refused to carry our luggage. At times when i was pregnant & then when i carried the baby in my arms, he would walk carelessly without carrying the luggage or the baby.
    It was always either my mom, the driver or any male from my side who accompany the trip with us, but not him.

    People like your uncle genuinely raise concern over this, and that will lead to misunderstanding & fights later. But he will not change.

    This same man carried all my luggage, including my handbag before marriage. Took care of me like a princes then.

    Then his parents influenced & i still dont know what went wrong.
    His dad never carried luggage or helped wife till date. They all think, that's how a man should be.

    However, we can cut complete ties with in-laws and my H isnt in talking terms with his FOO anymore.

    Miraculously, he is a new person now. He carries the luggage, and manage the heavier ones with the help of a coolie but never bothered me.
     
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  10. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    My husband always carried the heavy bags from the beginning days of our marriage.
    Even after grocery shopping, the heavy stuff from Costco has been carried by him.
    We go on vacations frequently here.
    All packing is done by me. He would carry the heavy bags to the car and then into the hotel.
    I am not comfortable driving in highways and mountains. So most of the long drives are driven by him poor guy gets pretty tired on our vacations.
     
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